How many times would you entertain “I’m sorry to interrupt you but…” from a subordinate in a single conversation where you are the decision maker before you do something about it? (Context, if it even matters, in comments)

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Guy was *demanding* I explain a decision I made to him and the “his” team - I’m the exe so it’s actually my team. After he interrupted with “sorry to interrupt you but…” six times while getting more heated as I was sharing the background that led to the decision, I told him to “please stop talking over me.” He went ballistic about how I am the most unprofessional person ever and it’s sooo rude to tell someone to stop talking. I told him he was out of line, needed to take a timeout, adjourned the meeting, and then ended the zoom for everyone.

I then had a one on one about his anti-social behavior and when he continued to do the “no one has EVER ACCUSED me” stuff and I just let him rant. I then documented the conversation and turned it all over to HR and then removed him from the project.

A few folks have suggested I was heavy-handed over being disrespected but in my view, it wasn’t about respect. That behavior is out of line was if he’ll do that to someone several levels over him, I can only imagine what he’ll do to the folks who work under him. I see it as felling a toxic branch from my leadership ranks. Thoughts?

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I agree with your actions. I think we tolerate way too much in the workplace. I always think it’s interesting that when a person is interrupted, they stop speaking snd the interrupter speaks.

I challenge anyone who is interrupted to keep talking and not allow yourself to be interrupted.

Being interrupted is different than a person asking a question. But even with that, I think it is professional to ‘ask’ if the question can be asked while the person is talking. The person can write the question down snd ask it when the speaker has finished their thought.

On documentation - we need more of it- even if its just fir supervisory files. This is data and we know data drives business decisions.

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Sounds like he was completely out of line and someone finally held him to account for his behavior. The idea that you can’t ask someone to stop interrupting you (especially a subordinate) is absurd. I think you’re right, if he behaves that way in front of you, how is he behaving when you’re not around.

likesmart

I like how you handled it. Had you been a man and stood your ground and then taken swift action, I don’t believe anyone would have blinked an eye. Men interrupt women frequently. It’s a widely documented fact pattern. They don’t notice it because it’s been normalized in this country. The prevailing expectation is that we should make allowances for it or look past it. I have called it out on several occasions. It’s always very uncomfortable to do so, but it’s the only way to break the habit energy around it & set an expectation that it cannot continue. It shouldn’t be my job to educate someone on basic behavioral skills, but I’m a leader so I do what needs to be done to put us all on a better path.

likesmart

I would schedule a 1:1 conversation and talk through this and agree a way forward.

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Perhaps a better approach would have been, “Let’s hold questions for the last 15 min. This will allow for coverage of the full topic, where some of those questions may be answered as the topic unfolds.” It’s a little less confrontational and doesn’t “call out” anyone in particular as being disruptive, while still giving the forum for Q&A and discussion. I do think that the confrontation during a group call, between the two of you, could have been viewed as unprofessional for both of you.

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Jfc. He was so out of line.

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I've been in your shoes, OP. And I think you handled this perfectly well. It may not feel like it since we've all been conditioned to be nice and polite over all else. But I think you nipped it in tht bud the way it needed to be.

The alternative approaches have their pros and cons just like your approach did. The good thing about the way you handled it, though, is that you set an example for everybody else on that call that your team requires and enforces respectful and collaborative discussion. That bullying won't be tolerated but reasonable conversation is welcome. That's priceless.

You led. Remember that.

likesmart

Thanks, SVP - I appreciate that.

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I think you handled it the best and only way you possibly could have! Also, you don’t owe him explanations for your decision. And he should either communicate without emotional outbursts or not talk.

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Bless you and know I am over here giving you a 👊🏼 while shaking my head at this guy

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I agree with the supportive comments on here but I have a slightly different take as well. If whatever decision you'd taken did not sit well with your wider team and they were all disagreeing with your decision, he may have have been the 'courageous' one who took on the role to challenge you - not the way to do it in open forum (should be a 1-2-1) but it may be worth a quick check in with your team to make sure people are OK.

likesmart

I would alert HR. If he really is unhinged and makes any type of a threat, you need to watch your back.

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I would schedule a 1:1 and explain the boundaries I.e how rude it is to interrupt unless the building is on fire

*UPDATE* so it’s been over a week since Guy and I did a 1 on 1 where he freaked out the second time. After that meeting, I sent an email to him with his direct boss (also below me) cc’d. Had a convo with Guy’s boss, and while he’s never had someone formally call Guy out on this behavior, he’s had challenging anonymous 360 feedback in the past that formed a trend. They weren’t concrete enough to take action so this helps with actionable feedback. Boss formally documents it, etc..

Yesterday, Guy called me out of the blue. I pick it up thinking it’s a client or something. He’s cordial and collegial for the first part and we talk about a convo he had with the client while transitioning out and next steps - things are fine. Then Guy goes “since you are direct admit and new, let me explain what happens to a person when you make a mountain out of a molehill and report a small things to their boss.” I was like whuuuuttttt?! So he went on for 10 mins about how he in ineligible for promotion because I was out of line and I ruined his life because I didn’t full understand the ramifications of a butterfly in the Arctic (what?). I was like “ok - bye” and got off the phone.

This Guy is super unhinged and I’m kind of wondering where the line is for him. Would you do anything else or just ignore him?

Oh wow.

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