How much do you care for your S.O. to “fit in” with your work social groups?

My boyfriend does not come from consulting and works in the food industry so I feel bad when he feels out of place sometimes. We have friends that he feels super comfortable with but I feel like I can’t always take him out to all my work events - I know I sound like an a**hole.

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I don't expect people to fit in. I just expect them to flex with social/cultural norms. ie: wearing proper attire for the event, not discussing politics with strangers, and geo/regional norms, if relevant.

Otherwise what people at work think is none of my business.

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I don’t think it matters what industry he’s in. It’s not as if people are just talking about consulting stuff outside of work 24/7 (hopefully).

The company events I’ve been to, people actually make an effort to leave work at the office, so it’s not like we are talking about clients or decks. If he has social skills/emotional intelligence to ask people questions about themselves, current events, hobbies, etc it’s not a big deal. This is coming from someone who used to be in a completely different industry and my SO was a consultant. I did just fine because I was confident in myself

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I have the opposite problem in that I suck at hanging at the loud young college sports bar that is our group’s local. I still go, try my best, and no one expects me to magically be a different person. I don’t go every time, but when I do my SO has my back whether I’m engaged or want to peel off a bit

I don’t think your SO necessarily has to go every time, either? And you need to interrogate what elements are bugging you — can he not transition shop talk to normal talk? Are your colleagues uppity? Does he feel like an alien? You’re his bridge in that situation — are you acting like it?

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Can definitely sympathize. I've had it be an issue before, but I think it's reasonable to be concerned about it if you want them to be able to support you in your career. Nothing wrong with coming from a totally different industry, but i think it can be problematic if their discomfort causes you to change how you interact at work or with colleagues.

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