How much emphasis do y’all place on race/ethnicity when pursuing someone? Like is there ever a time when you think “wow this person is cool but I wish they were from X country”?

I ask bc I’m in a large friend group with people from one specific culture and I’m the different one. I can’t help but feel “left out” when I keep hearing about people in this group coupling up, or hanging out for the purpose of finding a spouse and never being considered… it’s starting to eat at my confidence lol

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Never. People are their character and their souls, not their race or ethnic background. Learning about other cultures is what God told us to do with our differences. My Husband is from the other side of the world from my family.

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Compatibility*

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The Muslim pool is small, I don’t think adding more barriers like ethnicity will be helpful to anyone. Focus on the person and building a life with a partner.

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This only applies to people who grew up in the West.

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Never because I’m not racist

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Race/ethnicity doesn’t matter to me.
It’d be nice if someone understood my culture and traditions but if someone is willing to learn, that’s just as well (and vice versa).

Empathy/character/personality trump origin and race/ethnicity!

But I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out the elephant in the room that it definitely matters to some people, and especially the older generation.

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D2, Im on the fence, my experience has always been with closeted racists. Hardly have I come across someone who wanted to experience more of their culture.

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Nope, when I like someone I like the way they are. If I am wishing them to be different then may be I don’t like that person regardless of ethnicity or nationality

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I don’t factor it at all and my family is more on the religious side so mostly weighs deen though they have preferences, they wouldn’t reject someone because of race/ethnicity.

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While a lot of people say it doesn’t matter, the statistical reality is that most people end up marrying their own. And more often than not it’s not a discriminatory thing even, familiarity simply accelerates the process of getting to know one another and makes it easier.

It takes a curious and risk taking soul to go out of their comfort zone and pursue someone they’re not familiar with. What you can do is identify a prospect or two within your group and maneuver yourself into a position where they get to know you better. Hopefully that’ll turn into something.

I struggle with a similar albeit slightly different problem - I’m an extreme introvert and no matter what race, religion, caste, custom or costume, people don’t see me as very friendly, and perhaps they’re right. But how I mitigate that is by identifying the other loner in the group, or someone I have something in common with and building a relationship with them.

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This is by all means wrong. Islam has no place for any racial discrimination. Our primary identity is our religion. Islam itself is a culture and civilization. So sorry you have to face this. May Allah make things easier for you and guide the unguided. Ameen.

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Yes, same here. All my friends are West African and I am the only East African in the group so it is always pointed out to me. I don't mind the cultural differences for a spouse but their culture is def all consuming

Do you bro/sis. Me personally I wanted to marry someone from my own culture but I have extended family who married outside the race/culture and they all seem happy. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that should matter. But I don’t think someone is necessarily racist if they prefer someone from their own culture/race. It just makes things easier

As a Canadian, I see second generation Muslims in the US being a lot more conservative than we are when it comes to many topics including marrying outside your ethnic background.

Second that!

I definitely consider it because I am an immigrant and it’s so much easier to connect with someone who’s from my background or similar. But I know I’ll be fine personally to marry outside my race but I also know how stubborn and strict my parents/family are and they’ll simply make life not easy if I marry outside of my background which isn’t simply fair to the other person. I know I could have probably be married by now if my family were more supportive. I am M29

An Egyptian unmatched me as soon I said I’m from Pakistan, despite hitting it off (really well) for the initial hour of the conversation.

So yeah, people definitely consider it. And I think it makes sense as well. To each their own.

Not denying the superiority complex or racism.

Arab and South Asian culture and values are very different. Speaking from experience it is a struggle to align on values with such vastly different upbringing.

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