How often do y’all think men and women step out of their relationship just for sex? Do y’all think it’s ok or the same as cheating if it’s just casual sex? I mean it gets hard to spend quality time with work, kids, self care.

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I don't understand the premise of the question. People have time to cheat but don't have time to connect with their partners?


Couples have different things that work for them. There is an ethical way of stepping outside your relationship or even marriage. The key component is communication. My husband and I both have had partners outside of our marriage but we both just see it as sex. We are honest and open about it with each other. Marriage is so much more- it’s combining finances and planning our future together. But that’s US- we’re also atheists and don’t believe in marriage as a divine institution- which is a lot of the basis of sexual monogamy within marriage. You don’t trade quality time with sex. Sex is not quality time. Sex is a human need. Not having quality time is not a valid reason to go outside your relationship. You either have the time or you don’t.


Married for 5, but been together for 12. Of course there's been times where it's just not clicking - life just causes that. Sometimes it's work stress, sometimes it's family stress... typically the downtimes are caused by some sort of stress we're feeling.

What do we do about it? #1 we communicate like hell. We express and validate feelings, call out when we hurt each other (accidents happen), and make time to continue dating. We respect each other, which makes conflict resolution much easier. With those things going, more often than not we find another spark without much intervention. A month or three may pass (that's why maintenance sex is important), but that's not an emergency in the big picture of life. That's not to suggest everything is perfect, just that we attack the problems before they grow into other disappointments.

Do I wish I could sleep with other people? Absolutely, but I could never risk what I've built with my wife and would be way too jealous to have her sleep with other men. Props to the people that are able to comfortably reject monogamy.


Having sex outside of a committed relationship, both cheating and non-cheating forms, are probably far more common than we know, since they're both generally kept quiet.

My spouse and I have discussed extramarital sex, and our agreement is that just sex is fine, but having a second relationship is prohibited. So we can hook up with someone in Vegas, and that stays in Vegas, but we can't have a consistent side piece with dates and such.

This isn't really about lack of quality time, we just want some variety after 8 years together.


I would say another tip is to be open and honest with the person you are involving yourself with outside of your marriage. Don’t be dishonest to anyone. Let them know that you’re married and it’s just a fling. Or you can not disclose that you’re married and let them know that you are unavailable and don’t want to move on beyond sex. Vacation and business travel are ideal. You can even be anonymous and not give your real name.

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