{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How old were you when you had your first child? I know it sounds ridiculous but I’m 25F, completely single and I’m beginning to worry that if I don’t find a partner in the next couple of years, I might be left on the shelf.", "post_id": "60ff4b77707d3f00243ae2a8", "reply_count": 213, "vote_count": 19, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

How old were you when you had your first child? I know it sounds ridiculous but I’m 25F, completely single and I’m beginning to worry that if I don’t find a partner in the next couple of years, I might be left on the shelf.

likefunnyuplifting
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Also my sister is 30. She’s a doctor. Works a lot so hasn’t put dedicated effort in finding a partner. She says it’s better to be single and happy than to end up with a wrong partner. I completely agree with her. On the other hand, I started dating my husband when I was 19 and he was 21. We are just starting to think about growing our family. I’m pregnant at 34 but I’ve had my fair share of struggles. So there’s no time limit to doing life. As long as you’re happy with your choices, take your time and don’t rush it and end up with the wrong person.

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PSA to all women: Studies show that having kids earlier is actually the best of all worlds, but it’s not something that feminists want to admit or promote. The best approach: You finish school in your early 20s. You have your kids in your mid/late 20s and then you focus on your career in the 30s. The reasons being: - Having kids in your 20s is easier from a fertility and physical standpoint (think how much more energy you have in your 20s vs. 30s and how late you can stay up). - Focusing on your career in your 30s means that you’re still plenty young and will not to have to worry about age discrimination and you don’t have to take any maternity breaks which slow down your career because you’ve already had the kids and now they’re in school. Vs. the worst of all worlds now. Where women are trying to have children in their mid to late 30s and having fertility issues. Those that do have children disrupt their careers in the middle and find it much more difficult to jumpstart them again in their 40s.

likefunny

Yes EM2 we can definitely agree on that 👍🏼

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Recent IconRecent

35 is the new 25

likefunny

Apologies, I've been lumping you and A9 together this whole time. My bad!

Take your time. Being a 32 yr old divorced mom of 2 is worse than being a 32 year old who just met The One.

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My sister is 48 and she had her first child at 42 (natural conception and no pregnancy issues). She loves having a child at her age because she has her career in order, her finances are set, and she is a totally different and more mature person than she was in her 20s. Her son is an absolute joy to our family!

likeupliftinghelpful

My parents had me at 40 and my brother 42 and now I am 24 and can see how much they slowed down and got tired. They we’re able to do things with me in high school but by college age they were very tired and didn’t like to travel or do anything. Your lifestyle doesn’t have to slow down with age, they may just have poor health but something to keep in mind having children in your 40’s. Like I barely knew my grandfathers, both died before age 11

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I am turning 38 and just had my first. You have plenty of time! ❤️

likeupliftingsmartfunny

Geez. And here I am thinking it’s all good to wait until I’m 36 😂 you’re a baby. Find Mr. Right, first.

likefunny

I’m right here 🙄

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I married at 19. I had both of my kids by 28. Now at 52, I have an established career and just became a first time grandma.

likesmart

M3 - from a cigar smoking, bourbon drinking hunting enthusiast - you’ve achieved more at 52 than most men. Tip of the hat to you.

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I know loads of people having kids at or near 40, you have time

likefunny

Me too. I agree.

likefunny

my mom was 31 and dad 34 :) i’m 24f and feel no hurry at all, i think we have time

likesmart

Your brain just finished fully developing. Please relax. I can't even begin to explain how bad of an idea it is to obsess over finding someone when you really need to focus on finding yourself. Even worse off an idea to see yourself as an item on a shelf that has to be selected to be valued. ENJOY LIFE. Learn somethings. Continue developing as a person (character, hobbies, clarity on needs, etc) and let the rest come. There's no such thing as forever alone if you want someone. There's always people wanting people. You'll be okay.

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You can find love without finding “the one,” whatever that means. Love is something you build.

35, have 2 now a few years later

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Think of it like choosing bread at a bakery. The freshest ones will always be chosen first. Chances of being left on the shelf become exponential with every passing year here on…

likefunnyhelpful

This is a pretty toxic mindset. Lay off the red pill forums.

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Everyone is different. I’m 29 (husband 32) and we’re trying to conceive and failing miserably. If children are a priority for you put checks in place to ensure that when you’re ready, that you’ll be able to make that happen. I’m now wishing that I’d started trying sooner

likehelpful

29M my wife and I are also failing miserably it is WAY harder than we thought, but definitely fun trying.Already dealt with a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy…. Gotta optimize between age, income, and partner quality. Same way we think about Project, Location, Team (pick 2) 😎

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My mom was 39 when she had me. I’m 26F so that gives me hope haha

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You have until 35 to have kids or freeze eggs. You Gucci

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The ability to conceive depends on more than age... Someone's ovarian reserve for one is not dictated by age and varies from person to person, with some in their 20s having low reserves. Risk for Down syndrome does statistically increase with age, from 1 in 1200 at 25 to 1 in 350 by 35, but those are statistics, not guarantees. Also, as someone trying to conceive for 8 years, you bet I'd love a kid with an extra chromosome without question.

likeuplifting

Can you please stop being a lil extra for those in 30s and single this is a trigger to increase the anxities :'(

likefunny

Ohhh it’s better finding someone and getting married in your 30s. You know yourself better and are better at holding true to that. I was married in my early 20s and divorced my late 20s. So much happens in your 20s, from a personal growth perspective, making the 20s not the best decade to make joint decisions with another.

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OP - I'm 25m and feel the same way, if it helps, I'm based in the UK too so I understand the dating scene here. If I'm honest, I think the more you worry about it, the more you push people away. Just do your thing and before you know, someone will waltz in and sweep you off your feet.

likeuplifting

I’ve found few British men over the age of 30 who have more teeth than children.

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35F

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Same

I had children in my late 30s. We married young (19) and need time to build a life where we could afford them.

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I’m 34 and pregnant for the first time. There’s no time limit to when you want to build your life milestones. You do you!

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