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I was 8 years old: my mom saved a school assignment from 2nd grade where I wrote, "When I grow up I want to be a writer. I don't know if I want to get married. I do not want children."
As a woman in the US it's often difficult to get sterilized. I have a doctor who will do it finally, but insurance won't cover it and since it's considered major surgery with a hospital stay, I need to pay big $$ out of pocket.
I’m not arguing with you. The way you wrote your comment implied your experience is what “usually” happens for everyone. But what you describe is not what usually happens. I wasn’t sure if you knew that or not, hence my comment. Majority of these procedures are done with a laparoscope and are outpatient procedures and are covered by insurance.
Honestly, I think I knew my entire life. I am 32F. It’s just I Had to start verbalizing it since 22 years or so.
I've always thought I wanted kids until the last couple of years. I've started to realize how much I enjoy lifestyle and the cost having kids would have on that. I have absolutely never had any desire to be pregnant. I'm in my mid-late 30s and have actively avoided pregnancy my entire sexual life because regardless it's never been the right time or relationship. My biggest concern is that this is a phase and I'll blow out the clock, but as of now it's something I have started discussing more openly with friends and family (i.e. that I'm not sure I want kids).
SVP 1, trust me, above sounds like a nightmare to happen. He’ll be the fun dad, doing whatever he feels like it, throwing nap and food schedule to the wind, not a reinforcer or disciplinarian. That leaves you being the nagging drill sergeant. You won’t be looking after just the kid, but the kid and your partner. Add that to the pressure of putting food on the table and can safely wave any romance away. Notice how your partner isn’t marching your contributions in important sectors: financial and child rearing. You know in heart of heart you will do majority for both and he’ll just be cruising. So, be smart about it. Don’t do the one thing that will tie you to him for life, leaving you with no clean exit plan. And if you or him file for divorce, guess what, with a kid in the picture, you will be paying Him alimony, since he will seek joint custody to continue to be a “fun doting father.”
I knew by the time I was in middle school. I haven't gotten my tubes tied, but I've been on birth control for 15 years. Also, my husband had a vasectomy (before we met), so I know I'm at minimal risk of getting pregnant.
Late teen years. Waiting on getting engaged before the vasectomy (my views on kids also revolve around who my partner is and what life we want to build together)
I remember knowing when I was 10, but probably even earlier than that. I think high school was when I first voiced it to other people. I’m 34 and married, and still don’t want kids and don’t regret my decision.
Late 30's. Got a vasectomy in my early 40's.
My reasons were:
REASONS TO NOT HAVE CHILDREN
• Child rearing has been described as, "Like running a nursery with someone you used to date".
• I have neither the time nor desire to take on an 18+ year-long project as, inter alia, investor, security guard, chef and chauffeur. Children require an enormous investment of time, effort and money, with mixed rewards and high risks.
• Worst case, they are disabled or ill. Best case, they are delightful, but time and money black holes. E.g. both toddlers and teenagers can be a nightmare. In terms of whole life costs, it’s a poor ROI.
• I changed careers to become a lawyer for freedom and independence. Kids sabotage that.
• A statistically significant % of parents, including several friends, regret have children. I would be in that group.
• Divorce with children can be catastrophic, so breeding increases existing relationship risks.
• Objective studies (Kahneman, 2004, Gilbert, 2006, Powdthavee, 2009) evidence that parents are “less happy” – but posit in consolation that some are “more satisfied”. Career, money, peace & quiet, and independence satisfy me. Perhaps I’m shallow.
• I have over 1,600 unread Kindle books, and will likely die before reading them all. Children would only exacerbate the challenge.
• I want to regain a sub 3-hour marathon time. This requires focus and time: children would again be a distraction.
• I have many professional/career goals I would like to pursue. While I won’t achieve all of them (if I did, I wasn’t being ambitious enough), children would again be a distraction.
See also: "Having a kid is probably my biggest life regret: ‘Wife concurs’", Sydney Morning Herald, 29 May 2021, https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/having-a-kid-is-probably-my-biggest-life-regret-wife-concurs-20210525-p57v3b.html
I’m delighted for all my friends who do have children, and I enjoy seeing them regularly and buying them presents etc. I am however also quite content when I leave, and peace and quiet resumes! Each to their own 😊
Excellent response fellow lawyer!
As early as I can remember. None of my dolls were my children, they were my nieces or nephews or cousins or friends but never my children.
Visual Storyteller
14
27 was when I realized I was for sure childfree. Even before that, I never had a desire for a kids and a family
By the time I was 18 I was sold. I’m in a solid relationship (4yrs now) with a partner who also shares my view. Had a vasectomy two years ago at the age of 26. Close friends and co-workers know, but parents are out of the loop. Don’t need to crush their hopes and dreams just yet. We are however god parents to one of my best friends, should that happen to become relevant we will work through it.
Late 30s F here. I think on some level I’ve always know. Even playing with dolls I never had one as my “baby” (my mom talks about that) and I def told my parents in elementary school and questioned if that was ok since the only adults we knew that didn’t have kids “wanted them badly but it wasn’t going to happen for them naturally”. I was on birth control and now have an IUD. Might now look into my partner getting a vasectomy.