How to convince a stubborn husband to go to couples counseling, he’s always refused. Says he can’t be changed and doesn’t understand the upside of having a mediator to communicate.

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2 card approach? One's a divorce attorney the other is a therapist?

Of course, that only works if you're willing to divorce

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Have you gone without him? It never came to this for me, but I’ve heard some people do marital counseling w/o their partner for awhile.

Typically after a few months, one of the following will happen

1. The partner in counseling will learn new communication hacks that improve the marriage OR
2. The partner not in counseling will decide s/he should join up (it’s almost like the realize the partner in counseling is serious) OR
3. The partner in counseling alone will complete their counseling and conclude that the marriage is not for them

Good luck! I’m almost 9 years in the game, and we’ve gone 2x already. So, it can work.

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It’s honestly my final attempt to save our marriage, contemplating divorce and he needs to know the urgency and seriousness of this request. I don’t want to pose it as an ultimatum or should I?

If this is the last ditch effort, maybe you should make sure you have a thoroughly vetted divorce attorney first. Because this wouldn't be the first time a woman tipped their hand that they were considering separation then the husband went and filed papers behind their back.

My ex husband said the same.

My husband finally went and sat there, refused to participate. Which is how he deals with any stressor, and how he protests.

He's got a lot to work through and he's not there/ready. Not sure he will ever be.

Been married almost 30 years, most of it unhappy, but too scared to move on. Don't be me.

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