{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "How to deal with MIL and husband’s side of the family who will never fully understand that I’m just as busy and work just as much as my husband? Background: both in big law, both doing WFH. He’s more senior than me, his work hours are more constant; I’m a corporate attorney and my hours ebb and flow. I feel like his family doesn’t take my job as seriously (or when I say my hours are unpredictable and demanding), expects me to be both a housewife and work while doing WFH. Husband is great tho", "post_id": "5f642ef357ddc80028b33916", "reply_count": 22, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law" }

How to deal with MIL and husband’s side of the family who will never fully understand that I’m just as busy and work just as much as my husband? Background: both in big law, both doing WFH. He’s more senior than me, his work hours are more constant; I’m a corporate attorney and my hours ebb and flow. I feel like his family doesn’t take my job as seriously (or when I say my hours are unpredictable and demanding), expects me to be both a housewife and work while doing WFH. Husband is great tho

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Have a talk w your hubby and come up with a plan of how HE is going to serve as a buffer. He needs to set the tone of how his family will view you and respect you. He can proactively say I really appreciate that my wife is my equal. She is inspiring to me. We divide and conquer life responsibilities and that’s how I want to live my life. If a rude comment is made by his family member, he needs to step in and protect you by saying he does not appreciate that comment.

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This is so true. Family members typically do not know the full story and more likely than not when we talk about our significant other it’s not their accomplishments but more venting about their shortcomings. Family members tend to hold on to that and use it to their advantage. It’s definitely up to your significant other to set the tone for how you will be treated. If your significant other doesn’t respect you, then why would the rest of the family? You say your husband is great? Then why would he allow his family to treat you this way? I definitely think he has to be the one to say something to his own family and stand up to them on your behalf. It is not your job to prove your worth to them. Your husband is obviously with you for a reason and they need to respect that and act accordingly. (I feel like 99% couples have these problems! I’m so frustrated with my fiancé’s family to the point where I now refuse to talk to a few of the members because of the blatent disrespect that even she cannot rectify and she respects that.)

I mean...you dont need their approval. Live your life. Respond with, "why would you say that?" in a neutral, puzzled tone whenever they make cutting comments. And next time, dont agree to houseguests during a pandemic!!!

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“Don’t agree to houseguests during the pandemic”... or ever. You know it’s typically miserable 🤣

I feel like I could’ve written this post. My in laws will ask me why I don’t consider a government job or another job where I can work 9-5 when I never complain about my hours in civil practice but are so proud of their busy bee son. No advice but you’re not alone, stay strong!

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A4, I’ve tried that too but it backfired because they started calling and asking me to visit them for lunch breaks since I’m WFH haha

Assuming that he is supportive of your career and hours (you've given no indication that he's not), I would ask him to be the buffer for his family and let it be known that he doesn't want/need a housekeeper and that you're equal partners in your marriage. Discussions like these make me so grateful for my MIL who was at my college graduation, law school graduation, sent me flowers after the bar, and now comes over to watch our daughter on weekends specifically so that I can catch up on work.

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It is a universal truth that our MILs are worried about their sons and usually convinced we’re not doing a good enough job “taking care of them”

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How to deal with it? Say, fuck her - that's how. She sounds like a terrible person if she is judging your work hours and being noisy when being a guest in your home. "Keep it down, I'm working." "Is there a reason you're watching me while I'm working?" "[Hubby], your mother obviously needs something. I'm busy. Handle it."

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Cont. We’re a young couple with no kids. His family member is visiting for a few weeks and I’m starting to lose it because we’re sharing a space and I have a lot of background noise to deal with now, and feel like I’m being watched.

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This happened to me last month. IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. Couldn’t wait for my MIL to leave. I basically ignored her after a while. Tbh I don’t care cuz I love my job and my career. It’s easier said than done - don’t care what people think (listen for awhile then just ignore and get back to your ways lol)

I feel this! My SO & I recently bought a house and his parents came over to lend us a few things for house projects (sander, ladder, etc.). His mother took it upon herself to also bring cleaning supplies and specifically pulled me back inside to explain to me how to use an extendable duster for the ceiling fan and crown molding....

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I feel your painnnnnn 😩😩😩😩

You can’t say FU to your MIL. Maybe a frank convo about what you do and how busy you are and what you do at work and at home make em understand but you don’t want a breakdown of that relationship. It’s your SOs family. I wouldn’t like a breakdown of relations between my fam and hubby. Though there have been multiple times it could’ve gone there. I feel for you with work at home and extended family in the mix!

I feel your pain. My husband is not an attorney and my in laws don’t understand what I do or why I do it. But when their son works late into the night my MIL makes it a point to tell me how hard he works. I used to remind her he is not the only who earns a paycheck and my work is meaningful but it was pointless so now I just ignore her. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Hang in there!

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