How to react when an MD asks the only woman in the meeting (me) to ping someone to ask if that person is still joining the meeting? He could have done it himself...

As a woman in the workplace, instead of going straight for the misogynistic card, I would try to think of the following reasons first:

1. Are you the person in the meeting that will not be talking and does not have to be fully aware of what Is happening, therefore can ping back and forth with someone else?

2. Is he/she multitasking and doesn’t have time to deal with the response?

3. Are they utilizing someone below their level to reach out to someone so the person that is being reached out to doesn’t freak out for forgetting to join/ not being able to?

I agree that there are misogynistic acts in the workplace to this day, but we have to also be careful of accusations and assumptions we make towards people just because the media says so. I’ve personally been at EY 2 years as a woman in the beginning of my career, and not once have felt I lost anything due to my gender. Except when a higher level mentor gets scared of taking me to a dinner or drinks one on one because of the fear of what it could represent.

Share a similar experience: A Partner on my project asked me (SM) to create engagement acceptance / WBS and source contractors for another project I was not working on (pursuit or delivery). I did it, but felt I was asked because I was a woman, especially because we were not in the same team at that time.

Talked to my bf (partner at another firm) about this, and he said he would only ask people he trusts to do this - not necessarily women.

Later, the Partner asked me to create Salesforce entry for a project I’m not working on. When I asked him whether he needed help creating WBS code several days later, he said he asked another SM (male, most likely not working on the project either) to do that. So I guess he doesn’t only ask women - just somehow sold these projects by himself and hadn’t figured out teams yet. I wish their EAs could do these kind of things, but I suspect sometimes they would ask dozens of questions rather than just getting things done.

Now we are in the same team due to re-org and he is a strong supporter / sponsor, so I don’t resent creating WBS code for him.

I don't know this specific MD, but I doubt he'd be able to do it himself..

Could he have asked you bc he relies on/trusts you the most?

This was a pipeline update meeting. All the pillar leads had to give an update. I am a pillar lead as well as he is a pillar lead. There were other managers however, I was the only female manager.

Omg the majority of these responses are so telling. There was a similar thread about a peer being asked to take notes and most responses were either from women giving sermons of how they was never any bias and how great their workplace is or men asking the OP to chill a little and not complain . THIS is exactly what the problem is . IF SOMEONE COMPLAINS give them the benefit of doubt. Bias exists

Id respond same as if there were 10 other women managers in the meeting: saying “sure thing”. I don’t think this is a slight or automatically indicates sexism on the engagement.

It’s pretty normal for the person chairing the meeting to ask anyone else they see available/ on screen to ping a latecomer to join.

Perhaps you’re making a mountain of a molehill

The insidious thing about unconscious bias is that it is a problem in aggregate. No specific instance is a big deal. There’s nothing definitive to point to. You can’t “prove” anything is unfair. But facing it every. single. day. diminishes your opportunities.

I think it’s important to recognize this is a social problem, not a problem with male MDs. Other women have unconscious bias. We apply unconscious bias _to ourselves_ to the point that many of us volunteer for menial tasks. And often, when we become managers, unthinkingly assign them to women.

As a society we see women’s time as less valuable and women as more community oriented. Women doing administrative/supporting roles just feels right. This isn’t men vs. women, it’s all of us vs. our cultural heritage.

...a heritage that profoundly sucks for men, too. They face immense pressure not to show emotions or cry in public. They are judged on career and material success more. It’s harder for them to take parental leave. Many are uncomfortable hugging a same-gender friend due to homophobic stigma.

For day to day issues, I recommend Lean In. It covers the research on unconscious bias and some pragmatic approaches to navigating it.

The bigger answer is fixing this for the women we manage. And sometimes watching us do this (random task assignment programs! Rotation schedules!) helps our leadership become more aware too.

But given the fact you're posting about this, this probably isn't the first time you felt something was off in his communication?

Unless he has exhibited some sort of sexist behavior before, I think you’re looking into it too much. I was on a project loaded with a bunch of men but the team member in charge was a woman and our partner would always ask her to do/coordinate something in meetings because he trusted her more than anyone else on the team to get stuff done

I’m a female MD and have been doing this for over 20 years. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened to me - and while I smiled and said “sure” and did the thing that was asked, it diminished me in front of my male colleagues. Perception becomes reality in the consulting world, as many of you may be aware. So for those that brush this off, please be mindful of that. Support your female colleagues and be aware of your own biases.

Is this a one time event or is this a pattern of behavior?

If it’s one time ignore. Don’t read too much into it

If it’s a pattern of behavior, start documenting it and then try addressing them directly. Most people don’t realize that they’re following misogynist patterns and it just takes one person to make them aware for them to change their behavior. I wouldn’t assume bad intentions until then. 

I understand that it’s not a minority persons role to educate the majority, especially those with more power and I don’t mean to put that burden on you.

Cmon

It's when your bosses STOP asking you to do things that it's a bigger problem... If you're that curious, ask the MD.

I read through several of the very valid points made below (as many as my ADHD allowed).

Here’s a simple path forward: No it isn’t automatically misogynistic, but the onus is on us men to think through the dynamic in the room & take the other option. It isn’t difficult to do, and goes a long way - one cannot simply ignore this happens way too often for the wrong reasons.

Also remember, the you g ones are watching & learning. Set an example.

I’ve made it sound “jokey” when it occurs to me by saying something to the effect of “picking me because I fall first alphabetically?” Don’t know if that works for you, but it innocuously makes a point.

I get asked to do that all the time (male) and have at every level I’ve been at with my firm. It’s annoying but there could be other reasons like the MD is focusing on presenting, multi-tasking, knows you best, thinks you have best working relationship with the other person you’d be bugging, or you’re just alphabetically first (like me).

Is what the MD asked you to do that ridiculous? I’d say no. Is it part of your normal responsibilities to ping someone to follow up on something your boss asks you to? I’d say yes. IMO let this go as all of us who get asked to do simple tasks we shouldn’t have to do from a MD do.

Maybe there have been other sexist things with this particular colleague that makes u think he is sexist. But as a woman I don’t even see how this is sexist at all. Unless pinging people is something that only low level people do? Not sure bc I’m just An analyst, but I was kind of thinking “so what” after reading the comment