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As long as he’s upfront about it then who cares. If he tried to hide it then that would be a problem
Rising Star
Group setting would be fine. But it’s important to talk boundaries, so they understand what you are comfortable vs not.
I would not feel great about it!! But, chances are that in any longstanding group of friends, there are friends who have hooked up with each other at some point.
It’s certainly the case with my group…I hooked up with a friend like 4 yrs ago, and we still all hang out in a group…all of us have been or are currently in relationships with people outside of our group, and we continue hanging out. None of us has ever cheated on their SO.
I try to think of it as: if I wouldn’t do it, then SO wouldn’t either. So, while I think it’s normal to feel some jealousy about it, I think you should be able to move past it, and focus on your relationship with your SO. If things bw you are otherwise great, then I see absolutely no reason for you to act upon any negative feelings you may have.
If they are being honest and upfront and it’s a group setting I would be hesitant but let it happen. In my experience, if they are willing to talk about it then they are not hiding anything. It can be really difficult to avoid running into an ex sometimes, especially if they ran in the same friend group or even worked together. It ultimately comes down to the boundary you’re willing to set, and whether that boundary works for your partner. It’s okay for boundaries not to align. That’s how you determine compatibility. 😊
If they are telling you about it beforehand and they are being honest with you, I wouldn't feel great but wouldn't really fight it. You want them to keep being open with you about it. Making a big deal now will encourage them to hide future hangouts (especially if this group is a core group of friends) and then you'll be opening the door to future problems.
I think your intuition is important here. Is it someone who he seems totally over and completely platonic with now, or someone who he gets a little nervous around? It's probably fine unless it seems like he's going out of his way to be around this person.
His demeanor should tell you everything you need to know. If he's relaxed and seems blase about seeing her (which is probably the case for a brief hookup who he chose not to turn into something more) then you have nothing to worry about. If he is being weird about it, you have a problem.
Thanks! I've never met the friend group and I usually don't get a heads up. I usually find out on the same day or if I find out before, it's usually because she's texting in front of me and I ask her about it. The last time she hung out with the friend group (it was the guy's birthday), he texted her asking for his birthday present implying for a hookup. She just didn't respond. Also not sure if he knows she's in a relationship now
Rising Star
By being upfront, it generally means at the beginning of the relationship, she said something like ‘hey, I have these friends I hang out with regularly, and just so you know, I used to hook up with this one guy’, not necessarily every time they plan to hang out, she needs to report to you in advance. It doesn’t sound like she is hiding anything if you already know what you know. Stop reading into her behaviors, just have a conversation about it. It’s reasonable to feel jealous, express it, and ask what she is willing to do to make you feel more comfortable. It isn’t her job to fix your insecurities, but if you communicate your needs appropriately and she cares about you, she should be willing to set boundaries and compromise.