Husband and I both travel--we have some discretion, and so far have managed for at least one of us to be home while the other is out, but are now entering month 3 of at least one gone 3-4 days/wk.

This is my third travel week in a row. H said 7 yo was picking on her sister and being really mean all week. He sent her to her room last night and went to talk, found her under bed sobbing. She's so angry/sad that we aren't all home together every night. Two yr pause was a lot of her life. WTD?

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For me, the pandemic really helped clarify what I am and am not willing to give up. I would have already left consulting if we went back to weekly travel. I’ve set a max- one night every other week gone. I take red eyes or whatever I need to in order to squeeze in an extra bedtime, morning, etc with the kids. Husband is leaving client services so that it’s only one of us.
Kids are resilient, so you can make things work. But do you want to? That’s the question you need to answer. For me, I looked at myself 20 years from now and asked what would matter more- this career and the travel, or those (often mundane) but consistent nights at home before my kids left the house. It was 100% the latter for me.

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Reason Im asking - Would love to work at MBB but keep thinking about the long hours and WLB and realize its not doable. Hearing from you could help see things from a diff perspective

Maybe unpopular opinion- my parents both traveled a lot for work. I hated it as a child. I refuse to do it now. An overnight/day trip is fine. But I will not do m-th, repeatedly week after week. IMO, so disruptive and can make kids feel unstable (I did). My parents had an amazing nanny and were rarely gone at the same time. But especially when my mom was gone on long trips, I remember being so sad and anxious.

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Thanks for sharing your experience. Concrete example of how travel can impact kids.
I remember being so sad and anxious when my dad had to travel ( and he used to do that once every months for a few days ). I remember being so angry at him when he was gone and refusing to talk to him over the phone. Kids dont understand and interpret things their own ways. I thought work mattered more than I did. It never did to him but that was the story I made up.

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I think you can both go to your managers and see what accommodations can be made to allow you to both travel less. After Covid, there are now so many options to allow us to be productive virtually. I don’t see why any job done from a computer can’t be done virtually most of the time.

I also think at age 7, you can ask your daughter what she would like. Acknowledge her feelings and needs, tell her she’s an important part of your family, and that she gets to help make decisions that affect the family. Maybe she’s okay with travel, but less, when she feels like she’s part of the decision and has some control over it? Just an idea.

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Sadly, I'm a Partner and actually have as much control over the travel as possible. Clients aren't super open to not getting what they want. 😑 (And I agree w what all of you are saying--my teams' travel is close to zero. Most of them fly 1-2 times a year.)

Thanks, all. Super helpful to get perspectives. I was an Army brat and honestly can't remember what I felt about my dad being gone for extended periods of time (not a great sign).

I usually do try to only be gone 1-2 nights, but this last stretch was rough because of weather. Got stuck for two days in south TX and then an extra night in Memphis due to tornadoes. I also try to not travel more than once a month, so this stretch was especially flukey. Hs job requires 75% contractually.

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Honestly I have no idea. After two years essentially at home (at least in the mornings and evenings) I don’t think I could go back to being away regularly. Btw, have stated such at work and definitely been pushed into a certain track and type of work as a result

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Might not be a popular opinion, but I think kids need some sort of routine/stability and consistence.
I would look into the possibility of having one of us compromise on travel. Weekly travel is hard on kids, let alone when its both parents. Not saying here that YOU should give it up - you both need to decide who would need to compromise for a bit of time before resuming back to travel again. Thats my opinion.

I agree on taking a fresh look at your travel schedules. That is if you are both otherwise fulfilled by and happy with your roles. Can you cap at 2 nights per week? Monday morning flight - Wednesday midday or something? If you can make some promises to your daughter that Thursdays are family game night and Fridays are pizza night or whatever, that could work. I agree with others that she needs some predictable structure.

We do keep routines consistent regardless of who is home/on the road, and Friday - Sunday is always the same (pizza and movie night, soccer and hiking and time w friends, church and brunch and crafts or reading in afternoon). But obviously could be doing better and really like the idea of girls having more input/control.

Part of the problem also is that we live in a smaller market (ironically moved here to eliminate travel when H was fully remote and I was flying here 2x a month...). Makes it hard sometimes, because we can't always fly in morning of, and esp now w typically connecting flights things can get sideways easily.

Im sure youre doing your best mama ❤️ we only got a small glimpse of what you do and commented accordingly. You know your family and girls better than anyone, and nobody is going to want the best for them more than you ❤️ i hope you’re able to find a solution with your husband and wish you long happy life with your girls. This shall pass ✨

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