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Husband and I split rent equally. He makes more than me 😕

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I hesitate to accept the ending notifications but...

I'd suggest that you are not going to resolve this matter on fishbowl. Don't let anonymous people panic you into thinking you are doomed for divorce. Don't let anonymous people tell you you have to sell counseling, combine your finances, or accept that you should pay equal or fail the entire feminist movement.

My suggestion, take it or leave it, is you figure out what you really want specifically related to finances - don't try to figure out every issue the finances are masking and berate him with the whole thing at once. Figure out what you want and have a crucial conversation about it. You think he's going to respond better to "we need counseling about our financial setup" before there's ever a conversation about your financial setup?

I'd also try to figure out what you think his perspective will be and what you can live with. He may have absolutely no clue this is bothering you and be totally accepting, hell he may think this is what you want. He may simply have a fear of feeling used and this setup resolves that, but he may be willing to meet somewhere in the middle. He may be adamant this is the way it's got to be, and you'll have to figure out if that's OK with you (I'm guessing that's unlikely).

It just doesn't seem like you've given him a chance on this one, and you should definitely do that. You're a consultant. If he were your client, would you ignore the problem or would you discuss it first? I get the stakes are different, but you should have the skills to have this conversation.

Good luck.

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I won't judge your marriage but if you're not ok with it (I wouldn't be), there's a very good reason why (having done a good amount of research). Gender equality doesn't trump thousands of years of evolution. Men and women have survived using different tactics because we need/depend on different things to survive. Just because women joined the workforce 50 years ago doesn't change any of that. Men need fertility (beauty) and fidelity and women need provision and protection. Even men who are infertile or blind care about beauty (even in gay relationships) and self sufficient women care about provision (resources and most importantly, willingness to share those), confirmed behavior in lesbian couples. So essentially your husband, while with resources, doesn't seem to be willing to share those. Before I receive hate mail on the shallowness of my explanation, know that this has been backed by numerous studies. Essentially each relationship is a resource trade, however subconscious. Usually women offer their beauty and men resources, sometimes it's flipped (non ambitious good looking guys with average looking power women) and you do whatever works for you. But know that there's an explanation for your frustration. I am sure that a few thousand years from now this view might change, given all the strides that have been made by women, but in 2017, that's the reality. So while you are thinking about what to do...ask yourself whether your husband has been generous in areas other than rent, as in...what's the overall pattern here when it comes to money/resources. If the answer is yes, then don't see why he'd mind discussing this. If the answer is no, then you need to decide whether generosity and willingness to share is important to you.

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Why are you "splitting" if you're married 🤔

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OP, the real question is this: have you talked to him about this?

As a divorced man, I can tell you that if there is ANY topic that you are uncomfortable broaching with you spouse, you have problems. Money, sex, in-laws, everything should be on the table for discussion, even if you disagree. Disagreements are much less serious than fear of talking because even in an argument, you are moving forward. A marriage is like a shark, if it stops moving, it dies.

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I have some married friends who have one joint account and both put the same % of their salary into it each month and use that account for joint expenses - groceries, rent, utilities, vacations. Then they keep the rest in their personal accounts. It works really well for them.

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Are you the same one who was complaining about his inadequate anniversary planning, with no response about your contribution?

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^ To make it easier when this thing implodes. Not good, op.

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Married but splitting rent, what the hell happened to this world

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Gender equality.

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^agree. I know it works for some couples, but i feel like it would feel so awkward for me if my wife and I had separate finances.

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I pay the rent and my man doesn't and i don't mind. I make enough for 3 adults so he can live with me freely and he hates working so hes just doing further studying

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It's funny how much we see marriage as a transaction these days. Shouldn't it just be about passion, love and friendship?

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A2: 👏👏👏 Respect!

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Op - I married my best friend too. Split everything for 6 years. We divorced last October amicably

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Are you really married !? This seems more like being room mates

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We have semi separate social lives and don't have many common hobbies. Not sure if these are deeper issues though.

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D3/OP - if you are trying to retain independence, you may miss the point of marriage. Marriage is a partnership, an agreement of interdependence. How you arrange it in terms of money accounts, etc. is less important than having visibility and openness to what each other is doing and why. These conversations need to happen early and often because some day life will be more complex. What happens when you have kids? When you or your husband cannot work because of illness? Exercise your marriage muscles so you have the strength to use them when they're needed most.

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All of you who took time to write to me, thank you so much. It was great reading different perspectives and experiences. Thank you again. I am going to talk to my husband this week and will post the updates for anyone who wants to know what happens. 🙏🙏🙏 You guys are the best!

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hey, I got married 3 months back. We both make 6 figures and we have no idea how to go with married people finances. We split everything and maintain our financial independence. We have been living together for 2 years now. It never was an issue, please explain why you think it would be an issue in future?

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We split common expenses as a percentage of income, and both sides have mandatory savings percentage for retirement and house. Rest of the money we do what we please. This may change when we have kids, but I think merging finances is BAD. You need justify each purchase , or one person ends up spending irresponsibly. It always lowers the motivation of each to make more money, since they only see half of raises.

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So I do want to be equally responsible in the marriage, but considering he makes way more than I do I feel like he should bring it up and talk about joint finances. Like A1 said, I should probably talk about it myself.

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I am married and we maintain seperate finances. I don't micromanage my wife's finances nor does she manage mine.

We split living expenses and I make more and typically pick up a lot of the big ticket items like vacations and things like dinner.

We each manage our own savings and retirement plan which are employer based.

It works for us. OP, what is your issue?

So because your husband makes more he should cover more of your expenses - why?

You are a Deloitte consultant and you likely make good money - why do you need help?

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