{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Husband is going on trip with friends leaving 4/20. We have 2 young children and no family help. It's understood we only spend 3-4 nights on solo trips max. He just sprung it on me that he'll be gone for 7 days. Never asked me first, just planned with his friends. I'm a CPA in public working a ton until 4/18. I'm about to lose it. Send help.", "post_id": "61e4b73221720900354ed532", "reply_count": 60, "vote_count": 8, "bowl_id": "58f7fc5fae9f610010f862d9", "bowl_name": "Women in Accounting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Husband is going on trip with friends leaving 4/20. We have 2 young children and no family help. It's understood we only spend 3-4 nights on solo trips max. He just sprung it on me that he'll be gone for 7 days. Never asked me first, just planned with his friends. I'm a CPA in public working a ton until 4/18. I'm about to lose it. Send help.

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Does he plan other things like this, that impact your whole family, without consulting you? I can’t imagine planning any trip (especially during covid times) without consulting my spouse first. If my spouse ever came to me and was like “this is the trip I’m going on” versus “this is the opportunity I have, do you think we can make it work?” I don’t think I could make our marriage work.

likesmart

My kids are the same age and my husband would flip the fuck option I told him I was going on a trip for 7 days

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I get it. I also have a tough workload (as evidenced by me working past midnight on a sunday) and a kid with a husband who loves to go on trips with his friends, usually camping/backpacking monthly (Yes every month!!!) with the guys. The compromise we made is that he has to find child care for the hours that I will be at work while he is away. My guy is pretty good about finding sleepovers and someone to pickup / drop off from school. I learned early in our relationship to set those kind of boundaries, but I also lucked out in that he is pretty sensitive and empathetic to my needs when I am clear in communicating what I need.

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So glad I’m single

likefunnyuplifting

It is like raising an adult plus the fun of raising kids. And having to parent your spouse is the unsexiest dynamic ever.

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Have your kids go with him to this trip

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Lol best answer

7 days is a lot. That’s the duration of a family vacation, not a friends getaway. I’d tell him he needs to shorten it.

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Meanwhile I’m bringing my toddlers with me to a bachelorette weekend because I feel bad leaving them 😂 (staying separately and my MIL will watch them while I join selected elements of the festivities). Men get away with MURDER.

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They are 1 years old and 2 years old. The little one is breastfed. They are both pandemic babies so neither one of them has spent a night away from me. Nor have they spent a night away from their dad. When we decided to have 2 kids under 2, we knew that came with the sacrifice of parenting taking over our lives for a few years. We decided to lean in and go for it. My mother in law happens to live a few towns over from where the bachelorette weekend is happening and loves hanging out with her grandkids. I don’t feel comfortable leaving them for a weekend yet so this works for me as I would not be fully engaged and able to enjoy myself if I was away from them for 3 nights. We are 35 and the bride is pretty conservative so the trip will be hikes, wine tasting, and dinner - most of which I will attend. If she’s disappointed in me because I choose to lean into parenting during these few years, we shouldn’t be friends. Obviously would be much easier for me to bail entirely but I’m doing what I can to be a supportive friend while also being true to my parenting style.

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I get we all need a break. But this is unacceptable not to even consult w his wife. I don’t get guys brain. I also have similar situations all the time - not 7day trips but his own quality time w his guy friends and I get to stay home to support his hobby. Why do we have to tolerate this crap all the time!

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EY 9, I guess I’m confused about why there are only 2 options. If someone you care about is not treating you with respect then why not address that issue with them. I would think that if that person cares about you as well, they wouldn’t want to see you suffering at their hands. If talking about it is not enough, how about bringing a therapist in as a neutral party? At the end of the day though, if your spouse isn’t going to treat you with respect, I personally wouldn’t stick around. I do understand that’s a very personal/individual/loaded question that people have to ask themselves though.

Yikes! And what did he say when you questioned his sanity?

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Would he be able to handle the 2 kiddos and work for a whole week if you went on a trip? If the answer is no, he should stay. If the answer is yes, negotiate time for yourself

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Can he go for a part of the trip? Maybe weekdays since weekends can be a little lighter on hours/ more flexible? Compromise?

likehelpful

Ugh feeling for you. This definitely wouldn’t make me a happy camper in my marriage. Sorry OP. 💗

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Has your husband ever had to take care of the kids alone? I am wondering if he doesn’t realize what all goes in to solo parenting. My husband and I only go away for 3-4 days solo if needed. Never for 7 days. And we also try avoiding weekends since kids are in daycare during the week so it’s more manageable for one spouse to take care of kids during the week.

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He might think that he deserves this trip before busy season really picks up and he knows he’ll be the primary caregiver for the next few months. It would’ve been nice if he at least gave you a heads up and talked about it first though. But maybe subconsciously felt guilty because he knew that you weren’t giving him more responsibility because you’re off having fun for 3 months.

time to book yours with your friends in the summer girly

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I would say this is a bigger conversation. Why didn't he talk to you about it? Shouldn't things like this be a conversation if you are married with kids? Communication is key to any healthy relationship.

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I also have 2 young kids and no family near by. My husband has always traveled a good bit for work. I have always found that those weeks when it is just me and the kids are so special. It is a little more relaxed. We might have a picnic for dinner or have a movie night! Just wanted to offer a different perspective :)

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Completely agree but will say I still have the resentment even when it’s a week for work lol. I am supportive! But also jealous. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So where are you booking your week long trip away?

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Can you get family help for a few days? What kind of guys trip is a week? I would ask him to shorten it or, plan a week for yourself later in the year.

So, you are busy for 3 whole month until 4/18. He take the trip 2 days later on 4/20. Honestly I don’t see a problem with that, it’s like everyone need a break from the kids after a 3 whole month of almost solo parenting. Why don’t you hire full time and over nights sitter and let him take the break. I am a mom with 3 yr and 4 yr, and if my husband is busy with work and couldn’t do his 50% of parenting duty, he will pay for someone else to do it for him. You are busy because you want to make more money, you making more money to make your family living comfy right? If you are making more money but at the same time putting everyone in the family in disaster, then why? To me, if my husband works 55+ a week for 3 month and I take care of the kids while still have my regular job, I needed that trip… And, maybe after busy season, You should go on a trip with him, cruises offer daycare on board, or that Disneyland resort in Hawaii, invite whose friends and enjoy!

I'm busy because I'm trying to make partner. Translation I dont have enough money for all that 😆 divorce is more expensive though so you may be onto something

This sounds fine to me as long as you have an adequate child care plan in place.

Divorce

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