{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Husband Relies on Me for Lunch - I know this is dumb, but before the pandemic, my husband ate lunch at the office and I was generally in charge of dinner. He’s super flexible with buying takeout so I never found it annoying. Since the pandemic began though, my husband has begun relying on me to provide him lunch while WFH. I’m busy during the day, and we have different lunch preference schedules. He does not get how annoying it is to me to have to be in charge of his lunch. Am I in the wrong?", "post_id": "61730c55381b500035a44fb1", "reply_count": 62, "vote_count": 12, "bowl_id": "5da60c126e5f0d001f32f497", "bowl_name": "Women in Law" }

Husband Relies on Me for Lunch - I know this is dumb, but before the pandemic, my husband ate lunch at the office and I was generally in charge of dinner. He’s super flexible with buying takeout so I never found it annoying. Since the pandemic began though, my husband has begun relying on me to provide him lunch while WFH. I’m busy during the day, and we have different lunch preference schedules. He does not get how annoying it is to me to have to be in charge of his lunch. Am I in the wrong?

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SAME happened to me. You are not wrong. If too many things become obligations, that leads to resentment, which can chip away at the relationship. I started a new fitness program and my lunch was routinely simple veggies or salad and a protein. So my offer was if you’re having what I’m having, I’m happy to make extra when I get to it. Otherwise, let me know what ready made items would you like us to stock for you to prep your lunch. He wanted warm, “interesting” lunch meals so eventually he took over lunch duty for himself. Sams abs Costco have a lot of frozen or refrigerated options to consider for quick meals. At 3000 hours, I strongly encourage you to find a strategy to release this burden so it does not cause greater harm to the relationship. May seem simple but will also start to feel like he doesn’t respect your work responsibilities or sanity.

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Don't call them leftovers. Make enough dinner (say, a roast, a pot of chili or stew, roasted chicken, vegetables, etc.) for three meals. When it's ready, divide each into two or three sections. Serve and eat one section of each item. Two sections of each meal go into their own freezer bag. Label them according to contents and date cooked. (Of course, don't put veggies and meats in the same bag unless it's a stew or casserole.) Put them in the freezer. A week later, pull one out and serve it. No one will ever think of it as "leftovers." You just pre-prepared your meal. Do that several times and you will find a variety of ready to thaw-heat-and-eat freshly cooked meals in your freezer. You've got to repeat this regularly, but won't be cooking nearly as often, and the clean-up will be so much easier since it takes the same number of pots and utensils to cook three lbs. of meat (or whatever) as it does for one. Then do like my dear mother used to do: Tell them, "here's dinner; eat it or get your own."

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Hi. I am the female version of your husband. My husband makes my food. I am a useless lump I fully admit this. When his office went back before mine did we ordered healthy lunches I could throw into the microwave. And I mean throw in, walk away, come back and eat them at my desk. If it takes me longer than 30 seconds to put it in the microwave I’m eating an apple and starving until dinner. I’m annualizing 3000 hours at the moment. I legitimately don’t have the bandwidth for anything else. Still, I didn’t expect my husband to solve this problem for me. It was a thing he did because he wanted to. When he wasn’t able to anymore we worked together to figure out how to feed me. It’s not your job to feed a grown man if it isn’t working for you anymore. A thing you did out of love doesn’t need to become an obligation and he’s wrong to turn it into an expectation.

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I'm not sure how healthy they actually are, but I've been a fan of healthy choice power bowls bc good amount of protein, not terrible sodium, and not just pasta/chicken like some frozen meals. More expensive than other frozen meals, but cheaper than Jimmy John's I also have a lot of frozen/microwavable Ramen type bowls from random Costco finds If your husband needs to make himself a peanut butter sandwich the night before and keep it at his desk for lunch, he should do that... I think if you're wfh your obligation as to lunch ends with stocking the fridge and pantry and if he forgets to eat that's on him. My husband does all the cooking in our house but I don't blame him if I work through lunch

No. He’s a grown adult capable of feeding himself. Or turn the tables and tell him you’ll arrange lunch for him only if he arranges lunch for you. 🙃

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Perhaps unrelated, but in a similar vein… my SO WILL NOT eat leftovers, and that’s my go to lunch. I just call it “eat it or starve” 😂 I kind of luck out because he eats breakfast (and I do not), but he typically skips lunch.

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I feel like I'm the middle ground! I eat leftovers but I don't like to eat the same meal for like 3 lunch/dinners on a row. So I'd rather rotate with other leftovers or take out or prepared meals so it's not just eating the same thing a week straight. My husband either doesn't eat leftovers or he's like "well I made something yesterday, let's just keep eating that"

My husband used to eat Chipotle everyday in Law school and had his food paid for the firm for the last 5 years. Therefore, he never cook and expect me to do it. A lot (NOT ALL MEN, to be clear) still view themselves as progressive but have those unsaid expectations aka they leave that to their so. Upside: since lockdown 2020- he eats way less takeouts and has lost ~35 pounds. Downside: I cook a hour on the night before and he tells me it’s quicker to order a $30 kale salad off Caviar than… microwave his food since he’s in meetings. Point being: I get you. I speak with a lot of my girlfriends and it’s an issue almost universally. I need to teach my boys to be able to prepare a sandwich for themselves!

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When he’s hungry enough, he will figure it out.

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So I’ve done that - he will forget to eat. Breaks my heart.

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That’s the point. 🤦🏻‍♀️ He doesn’t forget to send motions, doc review, or whatever critical tasks come with his work, right? So logic says, he is fully capable of doing this, but CHOOSES not to do so.

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He is a GROWN MAN who has graduated from law school, yes? So it flows he is capable of not being a total fool, it seems. But it’s unreasonable to expect you, who is also working a FT job to handle this. BUT, it’s up to you to (1) set the new expectation and (2) follow through on the boundaries you set. That’s the key.

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Have you tried a service like Freshly? They ship prepared meals (refrigerated not frozen) and you can personalize each week. It’s not for everyone and some meals I loved and others I was eh about but it helped me and my SO (both attorneys) when we were dealing with hectic schedules etc. It’s around $10 per meal so not super cheap but neither is takeout. My SO forgets to eat too so I feel better knowing he has something.

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I used Freshly for awhile. They have really good, healthy ingredients with lots of veggies and whole grains. They are typically very filling and kept me satisfied for many hours after I ate them. I eventually became burnt out on the options available, but I can be kind of picky with needing variety. They were definitely more appetizing than any frozen meal. There is an environmental impact since they have to ship the meals with large cold packs and insulation to keep them cold. They used to send them with shredded denim between plastic as the insulation, which was great because my office was drafty and I shoved it between my desk and the wall to block the draft, but then they shifted to other materials that I didn’t have a second use for. If I had continued to order them then I would have looked for a food pantry or farmers market that might be able to reuse the packaging.

uplifting

He’s a grown ass man. He should take care of himself. If he forgets, then he goes hungry and hopefully learns next time. You are not his mom. I can totally relate to this because my husband was like this before we had kids. He relied on me for all sorts of things, including packing his lunch. I didn’t realize how much it added up until we had kids and then it became apparent that I was a parent to a newborn and a grown man. We had a lot of fights about it, but he’s now pulling more his own weight and shares almost half of the parenting responsibilities.

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I feel ya! Going through the same since 2020. I just don’t pay attention anymore - he ends up not eating lunch some days and then we have early dinner. But we can’t do this everyday, so I buy vegetables like celery, carrots, hummus and/or fruits and that’s good enough for him to get it himself and eat.

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Try Thistle. It delivers great salads.

Same boat. Husband relies on me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner while WFH. I don’t feel bad if I’m too busy/lazy and miss one, two or whole day of his meals lol. Freezer has throw it in the microwave stuff from Costco (burritos, lasagna, quiche, taquitos, etc), pantry has lots of instant ramen and chef boyardee ravioli for him to easily make himself. All unhealthy but screw it..keeps me sane. Wish he would make me a damn sandwich some day!

And also, your feelings are NOT dumb on this matter. No need to put yourself down :)

You’ve posted all over this thread in a tone that is more chastising than commiserating.

You are not in the wrong. It is not your responsibility to make sure a grown man eats.

I struggle with this myself—where I don’t know what to eat and then by the time I remember to eat or am so hungry I have to eat right then without taking to cook, and I just do takeout. Not ideal. So I’ve been considering hiring a private chef of sorts who makes home cooked meals. And you can pick up from them or they’ll deliver to you. Gets rid of the whole packaged food delivery service you might get bored of problem. Shef is an app that tries to facilitate this but I bet there are other ways to see if this service exists at affordable prices.

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