Hypo: It’s your first day at a new company; you’re coming in as c-suite; meetings have been scheduled for you to be introduced to people you’ll need or want to know. A mid-to-upper-management (...)

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Nope. I use lovely all the time to describe a greeting, party, day. He was not calling a person lovely. There is a huge difference.

likeupliftinghelpful

Thanks. That’s a very important point

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Wow that's definitely an overreaction for me and very unfriendly to be honest for a new senior leader.
Sad :(

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For me, no. But I use 'lovely' in this way regardless of gender pretty regularly.

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As do I. It’s a lovely word that covers a lot of lovely ground. ✌️

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Nope that wouldn't bother me at all. Definitely an over reaction and sets a weird vibe.

likeuplifting

This woman will continue to be offended by innocuous remarks people say. She’ll be stunted professionally by how much she puts people off. She’ll blame it on sexism. People like this really bother me

likeuplifting

I use the word lovely all the time and often in that same context . I’m a woman. I think it was ok for him to use it.

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Wow, super sensitive!! I would never be offended by that as a woman. I also wouldn’t mention it to my boss though; no need to poison their opinion of her—she’ll probably do that herself

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Member of the IT team you’ll be working with, who is male & between 5 and 10 years younger than you, tells you that it was “lovely” to meet you.

Would that strike you as gendered or offensive?

For context, the “you” in the hypo called the guy out on it, asking whether he would have used the word “lovely” if she had been a man. I’m a little “umm, chill” —— but wanted to come here to gauge if this was something that would bother other women?

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It could also be a cultural thing. Personally I wouldn’t bat an eye at the phrase, whether it was delivered by a male or female, and especially anyone from a Commonwealth country.

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No, that's overly sensitive. The guy would probably avoid her then for a fear of a lawsuit or getting fired if he says the wrong thing to her. I would even avoid the person after that if I saw that.

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To answer the other part of your question. In this case I don’t think it would be speaking too much for him. Your boss hearing about it from another woman (you) would probably be helpful.

We ask men to be allies. They don’t need us nearly as much but in this case if you know the guy isn’t a creep, sticking up for him is a good thing to do.

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Not an issue for me.

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Lovely is a word I use all the time as a woman and take no offense to it. What really matters is HOW he said it. Was there some kind of sexual innuendo attached to the delivery? Body language counts for more than 50% of communication.

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I don’t feel I can judge this person w/o knowing how the colleague from IT responded to it. If he didn’t mind within the context of their convo, why does it matter to people outside of it like us? I personally have more of an issue with silent judgement passed between woman-y-woman, which is often more mentally and emotionally damaging (at least for me). Sure I agree my first reaction to this is her response doesn’t seem “socially appropriate”, but that’s also kinda cool

Thanks for that OP

No, this would not strike me as gendered or offensive. If anything, it’s simple politesse and I’d have no problem saying the same thing to a guy.

This is why I hate this group. Bye bye

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