I am 31. I currently have no kids and I’m working in public accounting. I am having anxiety, and I’ve been taking medication, but they have been trying to get my meds right, my husband thinks I’m trying to game the system so that I can have kids sooner. I am. I have no defense. I don’t know what to do. I have wanted kids, been emotionally ready for kids, for at least three years now. He wants them, but does not have the same biological clock fears that I do, so every time that we find out

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There is never a perfect time for anything, especially kids. It sounds like you are respecting his wishes by putting off trying for kids during times that it would be inconvenient, but is he listening to your needs and thinking of ways that having kids sooner may work? It is a 2 way street.

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I’m sorry if I’m being slow here - can you switch to husbands insurance and quit public accounting? If leaving public accounting is better for your health and you’re ready to start a family, sounds like it’s time to do everything possible to start yesterday.

You’re never going to feel fully ready to be a parent. Wouldn’t keep waiting on job changes fmla, and money. Stay home, be healthy, and enjoy parenthood

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Stress can also impact your fertility a lot so IVF may be the best option for you because you can be relatively sure when you will conceive and can easily plan your meds around that. I struggled to get pregnant after a miscarriage and was off all my medications for about 6 months trying to get pregnant again. When I finally gave up and started taking my medications again I got pregnant immediately.

There is never a great time and you will never feel completely ready so I would go for it! There are many ways to control anxiety without medications and in the long term you probably want to get that to work rather than relying on meds.

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Sooner!?

I realize that it may not happen right away, and that I may have a hard time doing so, but that definitely doesn’t make me feel any better about waiting longer to try. If anything that makes it worse?

That we can’t have them yet, job changes, relocation, Fmla, money, and now anxiety, he seems fine, and I feel heartbroken. I asked to be put on the SSRI that is safest for pregnancy, because I don’t want to just “wait a year or so” again, until it is working. And yes concerned about the potential effects on a child, he thinks that public accounting is causing my anxiety and if I leave I’ll be fine, but if I do - there goes my benefits and a guaranteed six more months until I can try again. And then who knows if it even helps? What would you do in my situation or has any one else dealt with something similar?

I would honestly stick around for the maternity leave and then consider changing jobs after if it still is giving you anxiety when you go back. With respect to the medication, talk to your doctor (including your OBGYN) about finding the best one for pregnancy. Just know that your hormones might change your mood during pregnancy so the meds may need to change as well. I’m Bipolar and pregnancy actually always reduced my symptoms. I stayed on my medication anyways and just got additional screening during the pregnancy which insurance does pay for. The medication I was taking had a very low correlation with birth defects though, so I was lucky.

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Sounds like you and your husband need to get on the same page on when you would like to start trying for a kid...

Once you decide it’s time to start trying, I’m sure the rest will fall into place.

Zoloft is totally fine until the third trimester. Ask the doctor to tell your husband that. Good luck lady!

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