Salam, I was in a 3Y relationship, it’s been few months, I live alone. Don’t have tons of friend so I find myself lonely after work. I burst in tears randomly multiple times a week and I cry out loud. I also have constant dreams of her most of the time normal dreams. I feel like I have little life left since I’m 39, I don’t have any direction in life. I try to pray 5 times and started to recite Quran. Any advice for me pls? I don’t have peace in my heart and I feel very empty inside.
Separate bedrooms
Separate beds or bedrooms are life goals. Also… living apart together. Google it.
Chief
Humans naturally evolved to split into two groups: those who like staying up all night and those who like waking up early in the morning. This trait seems to have been given in order to ensure the cave was protected 24 hours. If you like sleeping early and waking early, it just means the morning is your shift to defend the cave
BAH2 I would love this, and AD1 I hate this. I'm such a night owl, my brain is doing full marathons between 8p and 3a, I get so energized and productive during this time, and the only reason I'm not getting enough sleep or tired during the day is because I chose a job in corporate America who forces 9-6 on me... I need to move to Europe and work ET hours 😩
How?
I sleep at 2 AM, wake up at 7 AM and I’m dying here.
How does anyone manage to sleep at 8:30 PM?
Also, you’re not boring. As an adult, sleeping early is a pro move.
I’ve tried, Director. The script she uses are great, but something about her voice or speaking quality distracts me a bit. I keep imagining her as an old school lounge singer. I need someone with more of a monotone to put me to sleep. Lol.
I bet you two don’t have kids yet; she will come around after having kids
A9, my 2 year old (who we’ve fostered since she was 6 weeks old and, hopefully, will be adopting this year, also from a relative) also has some bedtime anxiety. Bedtime is absolute chaos until it magically isn’t anymore. On weekends, when she doesn’t have an overnight nurse arriving at 10, we’re in bed at 8:30. We’ve got two under 2 and it’s madness; props to you for handling five under 4!
This is what we males often mistake as an opportunity for problem solving. It is not a logical step in a progression that defines boring as pre-ten o’clock bedtime and engaging and exciting husband as post ten o’ clock bedtime.
It is the start of a conversation. Converse with your wife. Let her know that it is important to you that she not think you are boring, but you really like that early bedtime. Discuss feelings. Feelings aren’t wrong. Ask the five why’s together and not as an interrogation tactic.
Thanks A1 . That's 'Bit' in my earlier post was Not and not But 😂
I don't even leave for the gym until 830-9pm and I'm also 34. Bed at 1:30-2, wake up at 8.
Plenty of energy throughout the day and I can still do cardio and lift heavy at night.
I couldn't date someone who goes to bed two hours after work ends, so I get her point. When do you actually spend time together?
Also agree with the folks who suggest reading “Why We Sleep.” I used to get by on 5 hours or less every night. Type-A work-hard, play-hard lifestyle. But (for me) 7-8 hours of sleep is the key to a healthy and happy life.
Well, you ARE an accountant. LOL
Who told you that. I am not ha ha
Are you my fiancé? This is him and it was hard at first, but I am mindful he starts his days earlier. However, we prioritize spending time together between like 5-9. And he can go to sleep and then I can wrap up my work since I go to bed later.
I think what matters is still finding quality time for each other and enjoying things together - even during the workweek. Could be cooking dinner together, watching a show/movie, a random midweek date, whatever. Also, just like she may accommodate your bed time, you should also accommodate things for her. It’s a two way street & you have to put an effort for things that matter to her too, even if that means going to bed a little later every once in a while.
Enthusiast
I came here to say this! As long as you are willing to compromise your bedtime from time to time to do things that are important to her, I see nothing wrong with having different sleep patterns.
Divorced single dad here. Google red pill man and they will tell you a bunch of stuff. Anyway. Don’t let your wife get bored with you. She will go find exciting things else where. Alway be “gaming her” as if it was the first time you started dating. It is cheaper than a divorce.
Game recognize game… 💯
Chief
Tell her you are going to start looking for a second wife when her wanton disregard for sleep inevitably catches up.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/sleep-well-and-reduce-your-risk-of-dementia-and-death-2021050322508
She sleeps alright. Just later in the night and in the morning 🙂
Yes, especially if you’re not spending enough time with her during the day and then neglecting her at night by going to sleep freakishly early.
That’s good news then! I still agree with her but, as long as there are no underlying issues, boring isn’t the worst thing in the world to be 😂
If you’re boring then so am I. I’m in bed at 9pm every night. Not asleep but still in bed.
I assume you pay for a subscription on the app?
I’m 25 and I’m in bed by 1030 sun-thurs so I can get up at 7 for the gym, why stay up to midnight just to watch Netflix or waste time on social media when I can be up early and actually be productive
It’s possible to be productive at night too - every person is different. Pre-pandemic, I would start my work day at 9:30am, work until around 8pm, eat dinner, do laundry/other chores or hang out with my family while I digest, lift weights/workout from 10-11:30pm, then unwind and watch Netflix for an hour before falling asleep around 12:30am. That schedule worked well for me and fits my natural night owl tendencies. Morning people don’t seem to understand that night owls aren’t wasting that time late at night. Our minds and bodies are naturally active and productive late at night.
10pm for me sun-thurs. Nothing boring about appreciating a good sleep
Rising Star
Read between the lines. Does she need more QT from you, is your life balance too oriented toward work, etc
None of those. We do lotsa things. Travel 2/3 times a year. Vacations in cabins etc.
I just like to sleep early 🙂
U is not boring
U is exciting
U is healthy
Living da dream, champ 🙌
Enthusiast
What's bedtime got to do with being boring? What do you do during waking hours?
PWC10 true. 😂. Our kids went to bed much later than that when they were young (9:00pm at earliest- we wanted to spend more time with them, and then they slept in until 7:00am instead of getting us up insanely early)
Same! I get up at 4 to work out (start workday around 6) and am in bed between 8-9 every day. It’s glorious.
Totally get it. My wife and I are similar but the roles are switched. She goes to bed earlier than I do and I typically get up with both kids so she can sleep. I’m constantly on the go and doing stuff for work, house, family and she does an awesome job for work, house, family as well - just within a different timeframe.
Bottom line (contrary to what most in this thread are saying) is that everyone is different and requires a different amount of sleep, rest, recharge. If you’re worried about being “boring” or your relationship as a whole, just schedule things to do together. Sacrifice 1 night/week for date night whether it’s staying in or going out. Plan it around your work schedule the next morning so you don’t get overwhelmed or stressed if you get a later/slower start. If you get up before she does, make the coffee and something to eat so it’s ready when she gets up - that way she can see that you being “boring” is really just providing other things in the relationship because of the timeframe.
You’re not boring, you just have different rest requirements than your wife. And that’s okay.
I can tell you exactly what you are not: a consultant