I am a woman early 30s considered “good looking” by many people, healthy, workout twice a week and have a successful career. I believe that I dated a guy mid 30s in the closet for 1 year and I am having trouble moving on because I was very attracted to him. He made me feel that I am not good enough shortly after we became together. We would travel together and he would not want to kiss or do anything intimate except pecks on the lips bec “it’s not classy in public”,but he did nothing in private.

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This happened to me for a short period. Was pursued for years then he seemed repulsed by me when we actually got together. Never wanted to have sex and he was the bad kisser. Complained about my weight (5’5, 128 lbs). He ultimately married a chubby girl with very bad teeth (this is offensive- just making a point), who made a great income. Note: he had several close gay friends. So who knows 🤷‍♀️. He has since had one kid so I guess jury is out.

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Yeah- I honestly think a lot of closeted gay men do this. And I think that’s what your ex was. This way they can kinda have it all- a normal family or girlfriend at some point annnd a closeted life.. I have tons of men in my family and they don’t notice stuff like that. One of my old professors struck me as gay but he was married. He used to go to run meets out of state all the time and he never brought his family- even when one was at Disney world. 🤷‍♀️

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HE’s GAY!!!! Jesus Christ woman, how do you not see it?

Ignore everything he said to you.

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I could not see it and was torturing myself! Did you to deal with something similar or had someone close to you experience the same thing? I am curious to hear more what makes you so positive he’s gay! My mom and sister say the same to me too

No. Just…. No. He doesn’t want to be with you - he wants to change you. This is no
Good.

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Sorry you went through that - sounds like you were in an abusive (verbally) and manipulative one at that. Obviously I don’t know you but you have tied so much self worth to that person’s validation of you.

A relationship should be much more than looks and physical appearance and that seems what you’ve anchored on with your relationship to him. You didn’t mention about how wonderful a person he was or how well he treated you or how he made you a better person. Good looks only go so far and a real relationship goes much deeper than the physical (which sounds like there wasn’t much of that was going on either).

In the end of the day, does it really matter if he’s gay? You deserved better. He was a crappy boyfriend who treated you poorly and if he was taking it out on you for his own insecurities and confusion then shame on him. It may take some time to get over it and maybe therapy is an option, but try not to spend anymore time thinking about them and move on.

You’ll find someone who not only treats you like a queen no matter how you look, you’ll get the physical affection anyone in a relationship deserves.

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Yes you are right BCG 1, I was crying for months after we ended things, cause he is living his life and I am left thinking I am not worth it. There is so much more to the abuse, him commenting on wanting me to gain weight and commenting on the gym I go to, Orange theory, that I need to go to a regular gym instead and commenting on me being shy sometimes…etc etc. I am going to therapy and will go more regularly cause I cannot move on for some reason as easily as I thought. Thank you

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I will continue here, at the end he told me that I am a terrible kisser and that’s why he would not kiss me. He also told me he gets turned off by my upper body because it is “very narrow” and I need to have broader shoulders and arms as he is turned off when he hugs me. I was never told this by anyone! He was the one who chased and pursued me at the beginning. Adding to that, for one year he never brought up sex as a topic even! I would wear swimsuits with him when we travel and he would comment on my body hair if he sees any razor bumps but would not show any sexual attraction. He lastly said, he likes unconventional stuff giving an example that he said once to me that he is gay, likes men and is not into women. This is why I thought maybe he is gay! He was in 2 relationships before, one long distance and one when we was in his mid 20s (superficial ones) and I never saw him with other men, but him naming me his girlfriend and calling me every day but when it comes to physical intimacy showing zero interest and verbally abusing me commenting on my anything he could negatively comment on was getting into my head. Why date me then?! Am I a cover. Every time we met any of his friends, they would tell him your girlfriend is very pretty! Any one been in a similar situation dating a man in the closet?

Yes his comments were soooo hurtful to say to anyone, and especially someone you claim that you “love” but the problem is I left him very peacefully and never told him anything and he is now living his life and I am crying

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