I am an one year associate at a big 4 who is becoming so discouraged bc of a manager on my team. They micromanage and have such a nasty attitude when it comes to explaining work. Almost to the point I want to quit.. I try to keep a great attitude despite but it’s becoming so toxic and draining for me. I’m ready to throw in the towel. Anyone else with a similar experience or any words of encouragement.. I could use them rn.

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Check to see if other seniors on the team think you’re also lacking or if the manager is just nasty to everyone. If the manager is nasty to everyone put up with it or get off that engagement. Work isn’t supposed to be fun.
(I also have a sr manager who is notoriously micro manage-y and hurls personal insults - instead of telling you that you missed the deadline on something he’ll just call you lazy - but the sr manager gives me the highest rating and raises every year so I just put up with it)

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💯 I had one such manager when I first joined. I was able to reach out and get on other engagements that were much better, and sure enough found out I wasn't the only one the original manager was treating harshly. Don't give up OP!

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I’m sorry this is your experience. I really hate when I hear associates and seniors are treated poorly by their managers. As a Manager I strongly believe it is my job to set the tone of the engagement. If I treat my associate poorly, they will then take that energy and bring it to their next engagement, and that negative energy could spread to that engagements senior and so on. Essentially toxic managers are like a cancer that spread negativity and are the reason people quit. Do managers have a lot on our plate? Yes. But I make the conscious decision not to project my stress or when I am overwhelmed to my associates. It doesn’t give me the right to create a toxic environment for everyone else.

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Have you talked to your coach, relationship leader, or people team? You have people who will help you switch teams

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They are essentially like a parent to you except they didn’t give birth to you/bond with you so they don’t love you and maybe don’t even like you. Even parents that love their kids unconditionally blow up on their kids. It is very difficult to be a manager, they are expected to do a lot. Many associates don’t catch on to concepts as quickly as people would like. Working remotely has made everything more difficult too. It’s not your fault but try not to be so sensitive and take things personally. Their job is to impart knowledge on you. It would be great if it was with a smile but some people don’t do it that way. They shouldn’t insult you, but saying “we went over something similar last week, don’t you have your notes from that?” isn’t out of line.

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All of my previous managers have been this type of manager. It’s exhausting and I’m worried I’ll become them because I don’t have a better example of management/leadership. If it’s really bad OP, maybe consider looking for a new project/group/or job if you have to. I’m currently trying to leave my firm because of it

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Please discuss it with your counsellor and see if you can get on a new project. You're a first year and it's in everyone's interests to get you up the learning curve ASAP, and sometimes that is hard and you'll have difficult days, but your experience sounds more like bullying than coaching, so that is not on. Check in with your peer group and see if they act the same with them. At the same time, try and grow a thicker skin and try not to let it bother you so much - it will take you at least 9-12 months to figure out what's going on (it did with me anyway!) so don't be hard on yourself.

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I had to stop and think back if I wrote this post because I've experienced the same. Hope you get some good answers that help us both!!

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