I am Asian and for the past few days, my family gathering has became a debate over the
obstacles and benefits of having kid after 33...just want to hear your guys opinion out there..

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I had my kids at 32 and 35, here are my thoughts:

Obstacles/down side: may take longer to get pregnant; you do the math of how old you’ll be when they go to college and it kind of scares you; you’re constantly being pulled between dedicating yourself to your job (at the point where you have more responsibility and more earning power) and dedicating yourself to your kid (little babies who only want their mommy)

Benefits: you have more money and therefore can buy “help” - babysitters, grocery delivery, takeout, cleaning service; personally I feel as though I appreciate my children more bc I had a “full” experience being young and single and I don’t miss that time/wishing I was back there

likehelpful

Also, two of my aunts had kids after 40, and they are all brilliant. Two of them went to ivy-league schools. (Wanted to counter the weird comment above about the younger siblings being slower to develop. Second children are frequently slower to language than their older sibs and it has nothing to do with intelligence or age of the mother. They catch up just fine.)

likeuplifting

Thank you! That comment above just made me cringe

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Had mine at 35 and 38 - was more tired I think - but otherwise all good!

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Making a decision to bring life into the world is huge. That’s why you should do it when YOU are ready. Don’t worry about what people are saying, everyone will have an opinion Although it may be a little more challenging as we get older, there are options.

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You wanted an opinion, mine is as follows: I am past the age of 33 and child free. I don’t quite understand why 33 was chosen as an arbitrary before/after age to make children. I also don’t see the point in procreating.

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I’m 35 & have a 6 month old. I plan to have another around 38.

It took me 2 weeks to get pregnant, so while that might not be the norm, don’t count on it taking any longer than someone in their 20s. We thought it would take 6 months, so had her slightly earlier than my ideal plan (which is a good first lesson about parenthood in general).

I have a better perspective on life in general than my peers did at 25, when they started having babies. I also have a lot more disposable income than they did at this phase, which means a lot more convenience. I’m no more exhausted than new moms in their 20s. We’re all tired.

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Agree with everyone here. I had mine at 32 and 35, and compared to my brother and his wife who started in their mid to late 20s, I would says the cons are: I think I am more tired than I would have been in my 20s; it took a while to conceive with my first, but not sure if that is age or my screwy body; I will be older when they go to college, get married, have kids, etc
Pros - I got to really live my life and have the pre-kid kind of life I wanted so that I don’t feel like I missed out on anything because of kids; I was far more established in my career with a great network of supporters, who have made flexibility around having kids easier; I have more money now and make more money to cover stuff because kids are damn expensive; and when they go to college, get married, have grandkids, I will have a larger nest egg to pull from.
The time to have kids is when you feel ready. I don’t think there is a “right” age for it - it is what is right for you that matters.

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One consideration though is that the number and quality of eggs you have drastically decreases as you go past mid 30s, so freezing your eggs earlier might be a good option to prevent any fertility issues later on. Plenty of people do conceive in late 30s and plenty of people also struggle.

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I’m 33 and also childless- my status won’t change for at least a few more years. From my perspective, cons will be any potential challenges conceiving and getting older while my hypothetical kids are still young (which might impact time I have with uber-hypothetical grandkids). Pros are having more time to live my life (work, school, travel, fun) and feeling less like I’m sacrificing something to have a kid- I’ll be more in control of things (although there will still be sacrifices). The control element is crucial for me.

likefunny

I have a few friends who were born when their moms were around 33-35 and they turned out just fine. A couple of those friends also have younger siblings that were born when the mom was closer to 40, and they were slow to develop and aren’t as sharp. It might be coincidence, but maybe also something to keep in mind.

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33 and 36. I want #3 now-will be at least 39 if that happens. I sometimes wish I did it younger, but I wasn’t ready then, and my life is great now. I love all the munchkin chaos

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I had mine at 25 & 26. Pros: I had much more energy then, was more spontaneous/fun, no trouble getting pregnant. Cons: Money was tight, career path took a hit, and I was not as patient as I am now. My parents were mid-30s when I was born and I’ve always felt bad that I couldn’t give my girls the same childhood that I had (lots of travel, private school, just more comfortable in general).

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I think if you need to wait to hit a major career milestone it may be a good idea. I had kids about a year before I would have been up for Director and now have been stuck at manager for several years as I’ve now prioritized kids.

But if you have the $ and are ready to settle down then sooner is better. The whole thing from pregnancy to birth to childcare is really physically demanding.

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I had mine at 21, 28, 33. Later in life is definitely the way to go. While I had more energy at 21 and bounced back quicker...I wasn't as mature or financially stable as I was at 33. I am a better parent in my 30's than I was in my 20's and have more to offer them.

Well, 33 us arbitrary but think seriously about waiting till after 38 where fertility starts to tank. I waited for the perfect situation until 41 when I had to take matters in my own hands and had a baby on my own. Another post talks all about that experience. The highlight is that I have a great career, enough money to afford nanny, great trips and never having to think about reasonable adventures with my daughter. And I'm smarter and her family pays her total attention because she's the littlest by a mile.
There's no perfect time - and its certainly up to you to decide when you're ready (or when you can no longer imagine a future without offspring)

My mom had me in her 30s and I turned out fine 🙂

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