I am long distance with my boyfriend and am feeling really unsettled about our relationship. We’ve been together 9 months, and long distance for 4/ 9. I love him and am lonely while distanced, but super happy with our relationship. I’m unsettled about the future and if we will be happy together in the future. I do not want to move to where he is located and he does not want to move here. He definitely wants kids, and I’m younger and more unsure. He’s a suburbs guy, and I want lavish city life.

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I feel long distance is hard as it is even with clear common goals. Everyone is different, but it’s extra challenging without a clear plan to live in the same city in the expected future. I would start from there, have a honest conversation about where the future is for you in terms of living in the same city/ area - once that is settled you can move on to the other topics, but if you can’t agree on at least that, than it’s hard to keep the relationship alive. Some areas there’s no compromise, like wanting/ not wanting kids, but some others it’s possible, just depends how much you want to be together

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This sounds like me 2 years ago. We were in a long distance relationship. He’s simple, I’m lavish. I loved him as a person but was unsure if I would be happy because of our different values (e.g., he didn’t care about anything other than having a beautiful hone and family - which of course I also want, but I also enjoy the nice dinners, outings, etc).

Neither of us wanted to move. Almost broke up because he implied he couldn’t leave his family, I left...he came after me and changed at 180 degrees.

2 years later, we are married and it was the best decision. He grounds me and I help him be a bit more adventurous and lavish. We decided we’d live in my city for the first few years and his city later when we’re ready to have a family (and we are both happy with this decision).

It all really depends on how willing the both of you are to do things for one another. If you guys love one another, you’ll want to make the other happy. You’ll realize what matters and some things might matter more to you than him and vice versa —-but it’s important to figure out 1) how do you feel when you think about your life without him - are you okay with it? 2) are you both willing to compromise?

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Thank you thank you for this response! This is really helpful to hear that I’m not the only one in this situation. I appreciate your two big questions. Lots to think about! There are certain things that I would compromise on, but are they the right things? Is he also going to compromise? TBD!

How have people dealt with the “I’m happy now, but I don’t think I will be in the future” relationships? I’m fighting because I love him so much, but I wonder if the longevity that I want with him relies on “my version of him” and him changing to things I want, rather than the things he wants. Advice??

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