{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I am on antidepressants because of sexual assault. My brother has been charged with rape (“innocent”), and has a history of poor treatment of women. My parents stand by him. How do I go home for", "post_id": "5bce4e92f195200012e90315", "reply_count": 9, "vote_count": 0, "bowl_id": "59d02db312fe2f0011e02215", "bowl_name": "Depression/Anxiety Talk", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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I am on antidepressants because of sexual assault. My brother has been charged with rape (“innocent”), and has a history of poor treatment of women. My parents stand by him. How do I go home for

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I'm so sorry you don't have a family connection you can rely or believe in. And sorry that you have family that has done some horrible things/don't seem to take it seriously.

Is there any friend you can join for the upcoming holidays? Do you have any friends who aren't going home for the holidays? Would you be opposed to volunteering or something like that? It seems like it would be best for you to stay away from family if your relationships are unstable and you worry about being triggered by your brother.

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OP, to start, you are STRONG and I admire your undying strength in the face of adversity like this. As hard as it sounds, create boundaries and if that means cutting ties with family then that’s what needs to be done. First and foremost, you have a right and obligation to your own health and well being. NO ONE will blame you for looking after yourself. In time, you may be able to rekindle family ties slowly and carefully, but right now I suggest a very firm and respectful approach of letting family know that you need some time to yourself and if they would please respect the distance you’re asking for. Hang in there 🙏🏼

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OP this is heartbreaking and I got tears in my eyes reading it. I don’t think I can give you any advice about the holidays but right now if you need to cry, cry! When you are done crying, try to do something that makes you happy to distract yourself. I’ve found that a DQ blizzard and watching Trolls on Netflix helps me when everything is too much (random I know). I also like writing down everything I am feeling because it helps me organize my thoughts and get everything that was swirling around in my head in one place. I have no idea if my weird tricks will help you at all but know that you are not alone!! I am not sure if I can provide any advice but I am a great listener, please feel free to DM if you want to talk. I’m 25/F ❤️❤️❤️

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My fam sucks but for different reasons. It’s a hard feeling and it pains me to say it might not get easier as the years go on. Ugly people tend to double-down on their ugliness as they get older and more bought into their values. Just know there are good people out there. Who we get for family of origin is a lottery, but everyone else we can choose.

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^Exactly. We cannot help the family we are born into. Some families are objectively tragic or unworthy of being around. Same boat here. I grew up in a religious cult and my parents are still seriously indoctrinated.

OP, Do what you need to do to stay sane and enjoy the holidays. As others mentioned, you can volunteer or try spending the holidays with friends instead of family. My heart goes out to you.

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The holidays and look them all in the eye? I can’t bear to have a relationship with my brother and I can’t stand my parent’s denial of the situation. It breaks my heart

I feel broken that I don’t have a relationship with my brother or mother and a limited one with my father. 😔 I’m sitting alone in a hotel room sobbing

Set your boundaries ahead of time with a planned schedule of when you’ll spend time with them. If you feel like it’s too much just leave. Take a walk, go to a hotel, whatever. You don’t have to endure the entire holiday with them. Just walk away by and come back later

Only the best intentions meant here; is there anyway to partially reconcile with your family? I know this is a huge thing to “agree to disagree” on, but is there any common ground here that’s worth fighting for? Do your brother and mother still love you in any way shape or form, regardless of their transgressions? Do you still love them?

If the answer to all of the above is no, then at the very least you have closure. Forgive me for playing armchair psychologist but the source of your pain (at least relating to this post) seems to be indecision on if / how to carry on a relationship with your family. It may be therapeutic, regardless of your decision, to get closure either way.

Best wishes to you, stay strong.

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