I am picking up my entire life and moving to be with my boyfriend next May. I do love and trust him but I still have such high anxiety about moving from a small office to a much bigger one in my company and leaving my friends and family (who I am esp. close to). We plan to move back to where I live in a few years when we’re ready to plant roots but any advice on how to ease my nerves?

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At 22, I move continents for my 7month bf (obviously without a ring after dating for such a short time). We’ve been together 11 years and married 8.
See it as an adventure, exploring, growing outside of your confort zone. If it turns out well, great! Enjoy. If it doesn’t, you’ll have learn to live far from your family and you’ll have grown, even if you decide to go back.


Do Not Buy A House For Him for the love of god. Money really matters. It’s the difference between life and death, especially in America. And women statistically fare FAR worse post-split. You not having your name on the house is terrifying. Terrifying!!!!!!!


I’d encourage you to flip your thinking a bit to be more like - I’m moving to stretch and grow in a larger office and big city and be closer to the person I love.

Savvy? He’s third in the equation, your growth is first.

It’s awesome that you lined up a transfer - you have stability independent of this guy, which is crucial for any relationship but especially for a “moved for you” early one - smart cookie.

You also have time. So spend the next few months helping yourself fall in love with the new city. Who are you gonna be there? What excites you? Where do you want to eat, socialize, be active, find your community?

And give some grace to your fears. If you’re very close to family, how frequently do you plan to visit? Can your bestie come after a couple weeks to help decorate? Can you have fam out to visit you after a few months and show off your fab new life? Etc


Your anxiety should NOT be eased. At all. You will lose literally everything. Do not do this.

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You don’t want to hear this but I wouldn’t do it unless you have an engagement ring.

I did the same thing and two months after uprooting my life I found out he was cheating on me the whole time. Totally blindsided and no, I didn’t overlook red flags. He was just good at hiding his actions and I trusted him completely.

You better have a backup plan in place - the lease, finances, what you’d do, etc if things fall through


Queen energy. Proud of you and best of luck!


I did the same thing for a guy — moved after 2.5 years long distance without a ring (although we went ring shopping before hand so I expected a proposal) to a new city far away from my friends and family. After almost 2 years, still no ring and I hate the new city.

We also saw each other infrequently because he’s in the military. Ended up not really being compatible once we closed the distance. Planning to move back in a few months.


Gosh, I personally used to be SUCH a commitmentphobe one of my greatest fears has been turning into someone who loses themselves in a relationship so in this one I’ve really pushed for individuality; making sure we both know who we are outside of us and both having hobbies and friends outside of each other’s


OP, be very careful here on the house purchase. Don’t get in a financial commitment with someone you’re not engaged/ married to, and don’t fund a purchase if your name is not on the deed. You have not even dated enough, even if you knew him a long time. Good luck. Be smart. Think of yourself first and take into account also the worst case scenario, not just the ‘happy path’.


100% agree, better to rent and live apart rather than go in on a home together


I did the same thing (without a ring), ended up not liking the new city and am planning to move back when the lease ends. I don’t regret it necessarily, being together is nice and I made a lot of new friends. Agree with Mck below that it was probably necessary for personal growth to put myself out there / try something new.

You can always move back


Part of why I’m so apprehensive is the location! I’m not worried it’s unsafe or anything but I’m going from Kansas City to a place that’s like twice or double the size. This is definitely something I gotta sit down and think about as well!

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