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Heyy, not sure anyone can see this, but just want you guys to know that I just came out to my mom!!!!! My mom told me she already sensed that I am gay, and her reaction is way better (calmer) than I expected. Although she is still processing everything and thinks I should try to reverse this gay tendency by meeting some therapists back in China. She still has her hope. 🥲But anyway, I understand it takes time for her to come to terms with this, so I will be more patient. Thanks for all the great advice, I truly appreciate it. Now I need to come out to my father (he is a tougher case). Wish me luck!
Congrats!
And whatever her reaction is, remember that you are enough. There is nothing wrong with you, period.
No advice from an Asian perspective, but as someone with a mom: give and express as much love to her as you want her to give you! Make sure she knows that nothing is wrong with you and she did nothing wrong to cause you to be lgbtq+. Good luck!
If your parents are like mine (very traditionally Chinese), then you should expect it will take a while before they can accept this - in my case, sending a playlist of intro videos about LGBT in Chinese helped
All the best! Personally, I wrote an email to my dad who I thought was more understanding in my case. He was able to explain it to my mom before I called and talked to both of them. This may or may not be a good approach depending on your personal situation. I just think if you are able to write in an email and ask to talk later, it may give them sometime to think. Be prepared for initial rejection or some questions that may sound hurtful. They may think it is a choice you are making especially if they are not exposed to other gay people. Know that most of us took years to come to terms with our own sexuality. It is like coming out for them also. They need time to understand and come to terms with this information. Some of the questions and comments though may sound hurtful could be coming from a place of concern or lack of understanding. I would recommend being patient and taking time to explain things rather than get angry or stop talking to them... especially if you want to continue to be part of your life.
At the end, I am glad I came out to my parents. My mom now asks about my husband every time I call her. The other day we were pleasantly shocked when she asked if we are planning on adopting kids :).
Another thing... After a few weeks, I started including topics about him in our conversations... like... we are planning on buying a home... he made dinner for me... he took care of me when I was sick, etc. They want to make sure you are taken care of. These things really normalized it for my parents. Also don't expect your journey to be like someone else's. Everyone goes through a different journey and a different timeline.
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I just did this. I told her I’m telling her because I want her to be able to be in my life. She’s my mother and I love her and I’m doing this to give her a chance to get to know me, her child.
Keep it short and to the point. She probably already knows. Don’t expect immediate acceptance. Her reaction might be negative and she immediate thinks about all the worst things about the gay culture. There could be a lot of questions about your dating life, fear of not having grand kids, reputation damage. Assure her that you are the same you, and nothing has changed. This is who you’ve always been. Good luck!!! Xoxo
Best of luck. Know that you are good the way you are and you don't need to change to just make them happy. I came out to my south asian parents only after I got married. They live in another country and I live in the US. I send them a letter in the native language with a picture of our wedding. She tried manipulating me , guilt tripping me, we didn't talk for few months and she didn't want to talk about it openly with me. We were not in good terms before so it was not a super big deal. But I heard they talked about it with my younger brother who helped them a lot understanding.Having any allies within your family helps. She just started asking me about my wife. Still addresses her as my friend but she is getting there.
Hugs.
Would be a different story if it’s south Asian
SAA1 I am happy for you and your wife! Be strong my friend. I am in a very similar situation as yours, after seven years of pushing back against my parents wishes for an arranged marriage, I am still scared to visit home! Hopefully someday soon