I am tired of people “speaking down” to me. Just because I’m petite and small, I am not a 16 year old. I’m 32 and older than most of them. How can I politely call it out?

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I'm in a very similar boat physically. What has helped me is calling them out very directly, and citing past experiences - "actually, when I was at XX client, this strategy worked really well. I appreciate your feedback but I can handle this."

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1. I try to choose my battles and save my energy. I'm done trying to prove myself with people all the time

2. Depending on the situation, I use some of the conversational tactics cited above

3. I've developed a death stare that I can whip out, typically accompanied with a terse response concisely reaffirming what I just said

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I don't think you need to be as concerned with being "polite" as with just asserting yourself. That kind of behavior from your colleagues is condescending and rude. I don't stand for that anymore

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Examples : Changing voices like talking to a kid “Oh honey. You can’t do that” and “Dear, listen to me first” and just general tones that sound like what the hell do you know you are young. I’m female obviously.
And Asian. So look younger.

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For some more extreme cases, I've just directly called people out. "I don't appreciate you speaking to me that way in our client meeting. Don't act that way toward me again." When you bring that confrontation out sparingly, it can be very effective

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I’m Asian and male and had some of these issues when I first started. But I’m aggressive by nature so was pretty easy to overcome. If someone shoots down my idea, i cut them off with “wait, hold on a minute”, lean in, look them in the eye, and challenge their position. It stops pretty quickly when people realize there’s going to be a confrontation when they get in your way.

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D1: you don’t get penalized for being aggressive, women pay a penalty for that. So was hoping to get more humorous ways of asserting my experience and age.

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Two middle fingers works sometimes :-)

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Be confident and show them who's in charge, which I'm sure you do anyway. Just keep it up. As soon as they see it bothers you, they've won.

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I posted this and I was passing through airport security, an old airport security guy was talking to an old woman passenger with knee replacement who could not walk through the metal detector. He went like “Honey, I’m only telling you because you seem so sweet” and I could clearly see the old lady was fuming. Haha looks like there is a bigger gender thing going on there!

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@D1 I did something like that, being assertive and all, but, being a female, I got a bad performance review rating instead 🤷‍♀️

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One thing to consider is your speaking style. I hear a lot of women who sound like they’re asking questions instead of making a statement, as in, “I’d like to present our recommendations?”

If that’s a habit anyone here has (and I’ve heard it with younger team members), suggest you work on that as it comes across as young/uncertain

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Tough life lesson is that people will not change for you just because you ask them to. You will need to change your perception of the problem in order not to be constantly bothered.
And you have to earn respect, not demand it.

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You are on a path of fighting for “respect” all your life by following these “assert yourself, develop a death stare” strategies. May I suggest ignoring the rude but pretty harmless behavior you are refering to, being comfortable in your own skin, and not giving a fuck in general about how (lets say 10% ) some of your interactions gp? Not having a stake in outcome of these trivialities is going to be a sustainable solution that doesn’t blow your blood pressure through the roof. I am not saying don’t assert yourself when you have a real contribution to the conversation, but just don’t do it for the sake of doing it.

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@OP, sure, we might get a little backlash from being aggressive and assertive...but so what? I've been called intimidating "but effective" in the same breath. It affected me emotionally before but now I've realized that it has not had any negative impacts to my career. Why do we need to resort to pandering to gender bias by sidestepping the confrontation?

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If you want to be funny, OP, you could try calling them “honey”/whatever back and showing them how absurd it is.
This is one reason I carry perpetual bitch face now. I AM young and in a male dominated industry. I handle being talked down to by politely asserting my expertise and showing that shit can’t get done without me getting on board (only works if it’s true though).
That said, I personally find it charming when a waiter/waitress calls me honey ❤️

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Size is a huge issue, it’s also not a protected class. For men every 2.5 inches in height equates to nearly $4200 in earnings income. The correlation to overweight women is similar but you can’t sue because you are short, you can if you are overweight. In any case lower your voice, I did it’s easy. Speak with confidence, make eye contact and don’t look away. Don’t be afraid to talk over others from time to time. Not in a rude way, but to establish yourself. Don’t call out that you feel you are treated differently you are not a protected class. Just put on balls and take things over. Say no more as well. I’m 5 foot 2 and a male Partner. They don’t make clothes in this country that fit me so I get it.

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What do you do when you get it from fellow parents in your kids’ school? And neighbors? And waiters at restaurants?

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"Don't speak down to me 😐"

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@OP - so next advice to punch them in the face won’t work? lol ok, fair.

I use some variation of M1’s advice when it makes sense. “Client xx had a similar issue...” I start some advice with examples of what I’ve seen their competitors struggle with. Most clients want to know what their competitors do and it also soothes them to know they’re not the only one in their industry struggling with a specific issue. It helps position you as an expert in your client’s industry. Easier to pull of after years in consulting with dozens of former clients.

In any case, good luck, we’re rooting for you!

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