I am trying to work through some career/relationship questions, which have a few different components and I am hoping for some neutral third-party advice and thought maybe some of you ladies may be able to help. It relates to trying to figure out if I should try to go remote and, if so, the best way to go about it. More details and the questions I would like to crowdsource in the comments.

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As background, my spouse and I are both from a mid-size city in the Midwest. We moved to NYC a few years ago because I had an opportunity to join a practice group at a v30-ish firm. I have very significant student loans, so the job (and Big Law salary) has been really great and I have made significant progress on paying down my loans. I also like the job, but acknowledge the giant commitment/time suck that is Big Law.

My issue is that my spouse hates NYC. He is becoming more and more vocal about how much he hates it here. He is becoming resentful and frequently reminds me how unhappy he is.
This has been creating relationship issues. I don’t want to be the reason he is so unhappy, so I think I need to look into getting a job closer to “home.”

The target city is growing, but the market just isn’t there for my particular practice area. I would likely have to go in house and shift to a more generalist focus (which I’ve done before, but I’m not sure that I’m ready to embrace this (and the paycut) just yet).

I have been thinking about inquiring with my firm as to whether I could go remote. I think the partners in my group generally seem to like me, so they may be willing to try to work with me, but there are a number of things I want to work out further before making any requests. This is where I would love any insight! I am a fourth year for reference.

Questions I’d like to crowdsource:

1. Disregarding the logistical questions, is this a bad idea for my career? Our group is now spread out across a handful of offices, so being in person seems less important now, but I don’t want to put myself in a position where I become an outsider/less visible to the group.

2. What is the best way to even approach this sort of request? My fear is that if I ask to go remote and the partners ultimately say no, it’s going to affect the dynamic a little bit. This is probably just me being paranoid, but I’m afraid that if they say no, they may feel less invested in me and I will need to speed up my job search. I would be curious if any of you have made requests like this and how it worked out.

3. If I make this request, I think I should have some ideas in mind as to how the arrangement would be structured. I would be willing to travel to NYC one week a month. Would this be something I would offer to pay for? It seems like that would be the most fair, but it would also be pretty expensive, so I don’t know if that’s something an associate would typically cover out of pocket. If so, does it make sense to suggest a paycut, but ask the firm to reimburse the travel (which might be better for tax reasons) or keep the same pay (which would be quite high for the target city at issue), but pay for the travel out of pocket.

4. This should probably be the first question, but can I even do this from a license standpoint? My firm does not have an office in the state at issue. I am already barred in that state, so that’s not an issue, but I don’t know how it would work for the firm and its malpractice insurance. I was wondering if continuing to travel to the NYC office eliminates this issue. I need to research this more, but would love any thoughts you all may have.

5. Ignoring the logistical questions, is this just a bad idea? I like my job and don’t really want to give it up, but I do wonder if my efforts may be better spent trying to find a role located in the state/city at issue. If we can make it one more year in NYC, I can pay off my loans. Should I just try to push for one more year here?

Thank you for any thoughts you may have!

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! Your responses were really helpful! I like the suggestion to put out initial feelers. I think I may start that way with a partner or two to see if this is something that would ever be considered.

#1 yes but it’s not necessarily a career killer. We’ve never done this before so no one knows for sure how things will shake out with remote work in the long term but it’s a completely legitimate concern that you lose visibility/camaraderie with your colleagues. Also, you’re moving permanently. It would be one thing if you were going for a few months. If the firm is busy and you’re doing good work I could easily see them keeping you on for a few years but I don’t see you making partner if you’re permanently in a city where the firm doesn’t have an office (unless you’re a total all star and they want you to open their office there).

#2 again, not a career killer but a legitimate concern. See above. If you ask and they say no 💯 it’s going to be on their radar that you will leave eventually for something in the new city. But it is what it is. I don’t think they’re firing you on the spot if they are busy and they find you to be a big value add on matters.

#3 I do not see the firm paying for you to travel to NY every month. Their expectation is that you live locally. You are asking for an accommodation living elsewhere. Presumably the Midwest city is much cheaper than living in NYC so perhaps the savings will offset occasional travel. I wouldn’t say one week a month, I’d say you’d be open to traveling to visit NYC office occasionally/as needed and see what they say. Maybe quarterly visits are more realistic. Is the firm 100% back in office now? Especially if Cravath scale, I think it would be weird/not in your interest to suggest a paycut/different arrangement from what everyone else is making.

#4 every firm is different on this. Some firms are offering 100% remote long term so they’ve obviously found a way to get comfortable. I think the concerns are about tax (as an employer they don’t want to figure out a new payroll tax regime for somewhere they don’t operate for one associate) and malpractice insurance (they probably don’t have partners, particularly in your group, licensed in that state to “supervise” you even if you are licensed).

#5 All that said, I don’t think it’s a “bad” idea and you’re thinking about the right concerns. At the end of the day, your marriage is (presumably) more important. It doesn’t sound like you’re dead set on partner, but you like your job and the money and you want to keep at it for a bit. I think that could happen for a few years. I do think eventually you’re going to need to find a new job in the new city but it depends on how valuable you are to the firm, is it an up or out type of place? Are they so busy that senior associates can stay indefinitely even if not making partner?

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! This was really helpful! I really like the practice group, the work I do and the money, but I definitely can’t keep living in NYC when my husband is so unhappy here. The state at issue is Ohio and there just are not really any firms with an equivalent practice group. I definitely have a lot of things to think about. I wish I could get all the pieces to fit together a little more easily.

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