I am very friendly and I want to be friends with the people I work with, but no one thinks being friends is appropriate. Isn’t it more fun to have friends in your workplace?

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It’s better to keep boundaries IMHO. Having work friends is nice as long as it’s arms length. It gets messy when lines get blurred (even just friendships) and really the only reason everyone is “friends” is because you’re forced to see them everyday / you may trauma bond from shared stress and anxiety over work. Ask yourself... if you met them at a bar would you have anything in common?

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I am like this too, which is part of why I left biglaw and came to a small firm where people don’t have as many boundaries. I can be myself, which is great. But, it gets really messy. The grass isn’t always greener is what I’m saying.

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I’ve met some of my closest friends at work (keep in touch with many from jobs I had 6+ years ago)! Honestly, you spend more time with your coworkers than a lot of your friends/fam. I think it’s a good thing to build authentic friendships at work! Maybe it’s a generational thing though. Millennial here!

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A2 Do you think you’re happier at work for it?

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I sincerely enjoy my coworkers, with whom I spend more time with than my partner and family and friends. However, I don’t want to see people outside of the office. Our common ground is work, therefore work is often the main topic of conversation. Even if it is not, I don’t want to talk about my personal life at work just because you and I hung out the day before. Work life balance starts with the mentality that keeping separate circles is important.

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Be friendly. Forge new relationships and build bonds. I have partners who were my friends when I was an associate and who are my friends 30 years later. I treasure those relationships in and out of the office. Relationships are what matter and what lasts.

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What do you mean by friends? I worked in an office where we didn’t necessarily hang out much outside of work but were very friendly on our teams and did a lot of team fun activities. I loved it. My new office is all business and it’s very boring and hard. I think there’s a line somewhere but positive relationships helps the work product and focus.

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Good point!

I'm very friendly with my coworkers. We attend each other's non-office birthday parties, get our kids together on the weekends and talk about personal stuff. I wouldn't enjoy working in biglaw otherwise.

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Brings a tear to my eye 🥺

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Eh. I think it depends on your coworkers. I was a waitress for 10 years before I went to law school so I’m used to striking up conversations with strangers but I learned QUICKLY that everybody in this profession just isn’t like that. I get consistent feedback about being a “joy to work with” but I always get the sense that my colleagues are just that and not my friends. I don’t think it’s inappropriate but I do think you have to meet people where they are. Some people prefer coming to work just to work and leaving it at that.

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Yes, I’m learning to meet people where they are. I think some people get freaked out by me, while other people are okay with my “small talk.”

I only have one real friend at work. We're only one associate class apart, and we work for the same partners. We spent countless hours bonding (aka being miserable together).

So it's not impossible to make a real friend, but it's rare.

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Trust your gut

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Do you keep your work life and personal life completely separate? Why or why not?

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