I blocked my mother’s number and stopped all communication with her almost a month ago after a toxic relationship and extremely toxic past few years (which included her ignoring me for multiple months multiple times). With Mother’s Day around the corner, it makes me feel extremely anxious, depressed, and guilty. Hard to cope with the fact of no longer “having” a mom, though she hasn’t been one for years.

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Hey I’m in the same boat except my mom is a psycho bitch put on this earth to poison my life from the inside out. Realize we’re adults now and take solace in what you’re building for yourself. Treat and parent yourself the way you’d have wanted to be parented. After a certain age parents aren’t anything but a legacy starting point that you grow from to be and do better.

I’m around if you need someone in the same boat to dm. I know a lot of people don’t usually understand or want to shame kids like us for going silent. None of that here.

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Hang in there. This is not your fault.

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Thank you BCG1

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I too have cut off contact with my mother for the past 5 years. I’m now 49 and while sad it’s the best thing I’ve done for myself. My mother has a history of not speaking to people, so this isn’t the first time, and I’ve known since I was about 3 years old that there is something wrong with her vs how other people behave. It’s still hard even when it’s the right course. Acknowledge your feelings and then do something good or productive for yourself. My own mother has narcissistic tendencies and will never accept or acknowledge her part in things. My knee jerk reaction is to always overthink my part in something. But in fact, some people are just broken and it’s not all on me. I don’t like talking about this because it’s hard. When asked I keep it short by explaining that people learn coping skills early in life to get the things they need and want. As we grow older we have to learn new coping skills; my mother has never learned new skills and clings to her inappropriate coping skills.

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I’m also in the same boat. Have been no contact for about 4 years and never been happier! Don’t let societal norms pressure you into feeling like you have to keep a relationship. Try to talk to somebody and make the best decision for yourself.

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Hey have you read “will I ever be good enough “ by. Karyl McBride; it’s worth the read — it’s helped put somethings into perspective and made me realize I wasn’t “crazy”.

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Stop blocking her if it makes you anxious. You’re doing what you disliked about her behavior. I’ve done this before and it did nothing to make me feel better. If something happens to your mom, you may regret it and I don’t want that for you. Unfortunately she’s unlikely to change but you can try to tell her how you feel.

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Unfortunately no, it’s a long and intricate process especially since she is 18 now, and expensive.

But thank you, honestly I think writing the above response really helped me remember why removing her from my life is the right decision and how having her be a part of it does nothing for anyone and only brings more pain. So weirdly, thanks! Defending my reasoning to you helped also really defend it to myself.

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I cut contact with my dad in 2015 when he committed to a relationship with a woman who didn’t recognize his previous children (Aka me and my sister). I feel the pain every day. I reached back at the beginning of covid. A few weeks later my grandfather died and he called me. But then he didn’t tell when when the funeral happened so I could FaceTime in. I am back to have tried to reconnect. I am back at square one after having had a glimpse that it could be better.
I don’t have the strength to make an effort for two. I can’t burn myself trying.
It hurts but less than trying to get his attention.

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