I can sacrifice an entire weekend cleaning my house so that wife's friend can spend the week. When I ask for a couple hours to help get the house clean so a house cleaner can effectively clean I'm told that's my prerogative and get no help. Well fuck me for being tired of living in a messy house.

Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I'd highly recommend a monthly budget meeting. It isn't to limit yourself, it's to give yourself permission to spend. As part of that meeting you also decide how much money per month you each get for frivolous spending (for me it's Starbucks and extra cute baby clothes beyond essentials that go in this bucket, for my hubby it's video games for his collection). For you, you could put dry cleaning/laundry services in this bucket. We also have a line for dry cleaning in our budget since we both align on it, but it sounds like you guys don't yet.

Not sure what to do about the cleaning issue. Might be worth a discussion of duties and needs. Just be gentle in how you start the convo. Start with your need of a clean house, tell her how it feels to not have one (maybe makes you feel anxious or like you are drowning - whatever it is) and tell her you need her help to not feel like that anymore (by prepping for the house cleaner).

However make sure to invite her to share her needs. Maybe there is something she feels like she isn't getting that is making her be so limiting.


Oh and I want to transition to using a fucking wash and fold clothes service I'm told it's 2 expensive. Neither my wife nor I like doing laundry and I'm often digging in piles for clean clothes. We both work biglaw, no kids and a HHI of like 450k but heaven forbid I spend any money to have some clean clothes.

Just do it.
I hired a cleaner to give myself more work/life balance. I pay for it, no one else.
Why are you allowing her to dictate what would be helpful for you?

So you're combining your individual incomes, but your wife has the final say on how to spend your shared budget? If I got this right, it doesn't seem fair...assuming that your incomes are relatively the same. All decisions on how to spend your HHI should be mutual, not one-sided.

However, if her income is significantly higher than yours and she has to allocate additional money for cleaning, then her request makes sense. But if that's not the case, better have a conversation with her to understand where her frustration really comes from. And share yours, as well.

Related Posts

Probabilities of going to MBB after 2 yrs at DD and then Accenture Management Consulting for 1-2 yrs?


What perks does IQVIA provide to full time employees?


Given how bad Trump is polling, if elections were held fair and square, should we say that Trump would be lucky to get 100 and change ECs ?


So with possibly three vaccines arriving by January, what do we think? When does life return to normal?

When can I complain at the pub on a Friday about a physical meeting that went terribly?

When can I be socially anxious at an award show again?

What do guys think of buying a rental property in a college town for renting out to students?


Moving to San Diego in the spring from the central coast. Any recs on places to live (late 30’s with a kid)? Want to be close to restaurants and things to do, but a little too old and tired for gas lamp!

I would appreciate any insight on management-side employment law in Dallas. I am a MLA at a large firm in LA pondering a move for financial/family reasons, but it doesn't seem like there are many open positions in DFW and I'm wondering if this area of the law is just not robust in Texas.


Any tips on meeting new clients? Any events that possibly work or strategies?


Hi all! One of the companies I’m currently interested in is paramount for a few roles. If anyone works there, would love to send you a DM to chat about your experience with the company and maybe see about a referral. Thank you!


When does accenture starts background verification for upcoming employees? I received offer in July and have to join in Oct!


Hi Amazonians!
Can anyone share some information regarding Project Nazare? What are some expectations from a Pgm on this project?


First time posting on here. Anybody here know anyone who does enterprise sales for Xfinity? Is 100k base a low or high offer? OTE 140k


7 yoe @ Simeio Solutions in cyber security

Post Photo

I’m really interested in Account Planning, which my company doesn’t have. What do I need to know to break into that role? Is it typically a (semi) stable position?


Any JD/LLM working in M&A Tax Deloitte? Would love to talk. 


Ok, I’m in. What are the salaries of some of the jobs you guys are doing, and the daily demands (hours and typical time of day you need to be “online”)? Are we talking working 2 90k jobs or the second job is a $35k data entry side gig?


Anyone on unemployment?


All my crypto holding are in ETH, BTC, LINK and ADA.

Looking to add $10k into other alt coins. Thinking to split between API3, Solana or VET.

Thoughts? Any other projects I should consider?


Additional Posts in Relationships

What is the best way to attract a new mate? I got out of a 7 year relationship (he was cheating on me for half of it) and I’m so confused on where to even start. I have a therapist and working on my trust issues - but I have self confidence issues. I’ve been burned for being ‘unattractive’. But I’ve seen girls that are objectively more unattractive than me have mates. So it must be a confidence issue? Those girls seem to glow while I am so sad. Or it’s the guys I go on dates with?


My closest friend of 15 years told me she's been in love with me for several years. I don't know what to do. She's my closest friend. We talk about everything under the sun. I don't want to lose her. I could feel the pain in her voice as she told me this. She already knows she's just a friend to me. I'm serious about my girlfriend and we've discussed getting married. Is there anything I can do to lessen her pain and preserve the friendship?


Any female fish willing to give some advice?


My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 months and he moved to another state for the summer to work. He made female friends that he is constantly texting throughout the day. We spoke and he reassured me that they’re just friends but he’s started being secretive with his phone he even turned off his messages notifications so they dont show up when we’re together. Like one time he went out with them and i didn’t hear from him until the next day(late morning). What should I do?


I’m a female who lives with my SO. We’ve been dating for years and we fight a lot so it’s possible a breakup is near. Do you think it would be difficult to date while living with my ex as roommates in a 2br/2ba? We have a lease that’s not even halfway done. In other words, would a man be uninterested in a woman who’s living with her ex (but of course being appropriate after the breakup)?


My boyfriend has given soo many red flags over the past year but we’ve been trying to make it work. Heated arguments consistently every other week. We disagree on a lot of “expectations” in a relationship. He can be controlling and quick to get angry, and I just can’t take this emotionally anymore (esp when he blames me for making him angry). Tips on getting through the break up convo when you know it’s the right thing to do but you love them & it hurts like hell to end things?


Am I horrible wife if I don’t get my husband anything for his bday. I have no idea what to get it’s too stressful. He always gets me stuff.


Broke up with my Ex (after ~4 years of being together) almost 2 years ago, and we never spoke since then. I met someone right after and we are getting married this summer. Should I inform my Ex about this out of courtesy or is it unnecessary as it might hurt them? (no clue how they are doing or what they are up to nowadays)


I have been dating my GF for 3 years. I feel like I am not appreciated in the slightest bit - I get no “thank you”, I get no acknowledgement of anything I do for us. I’m not asking for her to bow down on like taking the trash out - but I mean some recognition every now and then would mean a lot to me. How do I bring this up?


I have a friend who proposed me , we spoke as well. I know he has a hereditary condition. I think I have started to like that friend. Not at all worried about that but family is worried about that hereditary condition. What should I do ? Friend is ready to talk to my parents as well.

Do you ever truly move on from your first love or do you find yourself trying to find a replacement for that person in each future relationship? Every person I went on a date with since my last relationship, I try looking for the qualities my ex had and he’s pretty much the standard going forward. I know it’s not the best and I shouldn’t compare but no one I’ve talked to compares


My SO has a very cushy job and works few hours everyday. Recently I’ve been putting in longer hours and have found myself getting annoyed when we’re both working from home because I see how little he works. I know it’s not right to channel my stress onto him like this, so how do I stop feeling this way?


Going through a rough patch in relationship of 3yrs almost… we are both super independent to the point where we do a lot separately. (I.e he will go golf , I’ll go ride my horses.). But the things we DO do together he always invites his brother/family, like when we went to a day ranch trip the other day. Also, when he doesn’t want to do something I want to do, he just doesn’t do it whereas I compromise.

I’m just feeling a bit conflicted and lonely right now and don’t know how to talk to him.


Doing a little reflecting and I realized I've always fumbled opportunities with potential dates. Either I didn't make a move when I should have, or I waited too long and the moment passed. Any advice to prevent this?


My bf of MANY years and I broke up recently. A major driver was how busy he was with work/Consulting - we didn’t communicate enough (barely texted some days). Going through mixed feelings. I should have been more understanding but I also shouldn’t have had to beg for him to talk to me for 5 min a day. Busy consultants - how did you manage your relationships?


So what do men really look for looks wise? Is it really all about the face?


Have a 3 year relationship with GF, she doesn’t seem very happy in the relationship anymore. I personally my am very happy, but she doesn’t feel loved anymore and not attracted to me anymore. We bought a house with together last year, what considerations are there if we do end ups splitting? She paid probably a little more (20% more in down) but the deal is I paid all the mortgage and taxes and bills, it is probably about even now.


Been w/ my bf 5.5 yrs, but I keep wondering when he's going to "get it together". He's been fired from 2 manager jobs in less than a year, one because he was caught doing coke there (off-duty). Now he's bartending under the table. I have huge concerns that he has serious drug/alcohol problems but it also just boils down to, does he want to improve? He's the kindest, sweetest person and we really love each other. But at some point I need my partner in his mid-30s to have a savings account 🤷‍♀️


People who have cheated in their previous relationships, how did you come to realize the reason behind your behavior? A close friend confided in me that she has cheated in all her previous relationships and struggles to understand the reasoning behind it. She feels a lot of shame and is trying to understand why she does what she does.I have suggested therapy but she is not ready yet. How did you folks arrive at the root cause behind your behavior? Advice? Book suggestions that I can pass along?


Grieving a long term relationship that just ended … thought it was ending in marriage. For those that have been married for a long time (any age group). Can you please share some of your wisdom towards sustaining a marriage for these many years and handling hard times ?


New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here


Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site


Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone


Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or