{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I cannot stand when the men on my team start calling eachother \"dude\" and \"bro\". Am I crazy or are these slight microaggressions? It feels like a flaunt of masculinity and makes me uncomfortable as a female in the same conversation.", "post_id": "60e63af4d27db0002f7f9d0a", "reply_count": 75, "vote_count": 24, "bowl_id": "5976222cab932800101a9ca4", "bowl_name": "Women in Advertising", "feed_type": "bowl" }

I cannot stand when the men on my team start calling eachother "dude" and "bro". Am I crazy or are these slight microaggressions? It feels like a flaunt of masculinity and makes me uncomfortable as a female in the same conversation.

likefunny
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Bro and Dude aren’t gender neutral terms, look them up. Their origins are masculine, even if some have repurposed or accepted them as the norm. Either way, if you’re being excluded from their inner circle that’s more the issue. Only you know how they’re making you feel. Maybe you should call them “sister” and “girls.” See how they react. All in a well-intentioned way of course. 🙄

likehelpful

That’s not OP’s issue, though. It’s that guys are referring to themselves as guys, while talking to one another, but not including OP in their language, by virtue of not including or addressing OP. So a similar situation wouldn’t be OP calling the dudes “sister” or “girls”, it would be OP having a conversation in the room with a woman, referring to her as “sis” or “lady/ladies” or “girl/girls”, etc., (lots of race, ethnicity and age issues to unpack there, only using it for illustrative purposes) and not addressing the men.

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I experience this regularly, and it doesn’t bother me at all when it’s teammates/coworkers saying it to each other because it’s casual and familiar, but it does bother me on set. I do automotive, so when productions have ~30 men and mayyyybe 5 women on set, all the “dude” and “bro”ing does make me feel othered. Just because the space is so male-dominated. It just depends on the context for me.

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I (woman) call everyone dude and bro.

likefunny

Same, bruh

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I am a woman and I work with women that call me dude. I like it.

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Totally agree! It’s a divider between you and them, the good ‘ole boys club.

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Dude is gender neutral!

likefunnyupliftingsmart

CW1 thank you for that 👏

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I wouldn’t consider this a micro aggression. Or really a flaunt of masculinity. I’m a woman and use “dude” regularly. Obviously we all have our own sensitivities but this one seems a bit extreme

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I understand exactly what OP is referencing. It isn’t the vocabulary that’s the issue, it’s the overt bro culture shift that comes into play and excludes women unless they put on their own “I’m just one of the boys too!!” act. It’s a tension. I hate when that happens. Again, nothing to do with the words Dude or bro or guys.

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The fact that you’re having to repeatedly defend your stance here shows that you’re probably not experiencing microaggressions. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be annoyed by their behavior, just that the issue probably lies more within yourself than them. You called someone here “gaslighty” so if anything, it seems that you’re trying to find issues. If it bothers you, tell them it bothers you. Ask why they speak to you differently. If they get weird or worse, then you’ve got an issue. But you’ve got to give people the opportunity to change if they want to.

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Not sure how everyone is missing your point here. There have been numerous posts on how men create a “boys club” mentality/atmosphere that keeps women out. Why is everyone pretending this isn’t the real issue here? Hell, I call people “dude” and “my dude” all the time; we’re talkin sociology here, not linguistics.

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@Connections1 - how do you think those things come about? Let’s again point out that OP is talking about behavior not language. This type of bro culture creates a false connection between men that excludes women from both the literal conversation and the larger, big picture “conversation “. I’m not sure but I would assume the atmosphere OP is talking about is exactly where the idea of “having a seat at the table” came from

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I was called “dude” today and honestly I have bigger problems.

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This is not about ME being called dude (reread the post). Also this comment feels pretty gaslighty

likesmart

Got your back on this, OP. You’re being excluded. This is not a new problem in advertising and I’m kinda shocked at the lack of support you’re getting in this thread. I’m so sorry this is happening. ❤️

likehelpful

Doesn't bother me in the slightest

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I’ve been in your place before, and I felt “othered” while they “duded” and inside-joked with each other. Lots of guys in the workplace will “brother” each other too, and you know that for sure alienates women.

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So, who in here reported me for sticking up for OP and saying you were being “mean girls”? Holy hypocrisy, Batman!!

likefunny

PLEASE NOTE: I am not being called dude. The only time my male coworker starts using "dude" and "bro" is when another male coworker works with us (me, 1 female and 2-3 guys calling eachother dude/bro but refer to me by name).

likesmart

I’m reading your replies trying to defend your stance but I really don’t see an issue here. If it bothers you this much, talk to them but words like gaslighting, micro aggressions and discrimination need to be used very carefully. You are entitled to your opinions though, no matter how others feel but I would recommend having an open conversation with your coworkers.

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It is culturally acceptable where I come from to call men, women, objects, pets, deities, weather patterns, incidents, injuries, and random utensils both “dude” and “bro.”

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Not bothered one bit. As a lady I use dude and mon frere towards everyone.

likefunny

“Mon frere” is a left turn. And I’m here for it.

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Dude is not gender neutral but I think you might be being too sensitive but I might be misinterpreting your situation also because I've had dudes call me dude so I knew I was part of the dudes and that those dudes meant "team"

likesmart

I'm also a woman

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I call these fools bro, bruh and dude too. I will not be out manned by mere men 💪🏽👸🏽 😉

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It’s a sign of bonding just like how women call each other “girl” - And women/men show bonding together too. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way but I hope you’ll appreciate the honesty feedback that all of your mentions in this thread (gaslighting discrimination and micro aggression) are things people are doing to you and how you’re a victim In all of these instances. That tells me You look at the world as being against you and therefore it is your issue to resolve within, not any of theirs. I would encourage Seeing the beauty and connection taking place vs the division or perceived exclusion and if you start to look at the world thru that lens you’ll be happier. Are there ways you can and do bond with them? What can those look like? We won’t always all be included in everything so it’s important to find opportunities for our own moments. Best of luck ♥️

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this is an extremely broad stroke to create about me/my perception off of one frustrated post in an anon channel. You don't know me or my story or where I got to where I am. Thank you 👋

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