I created the biggest rift I’ve ever had in my family when I left mid-covid for my first industry job, moved to a new city, started dating what I thought was the love of my life… only to come full circle. I’m forever the black sheep, got fired from a shit job, this city sucks, and he’s a half ass som’bitch that wasn’t worth it. Humble pie anyone? I’ve got a dump truck load over here… for fucks sake

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Fellow black sheep here 👋🏼 . Just because the job and dude didn’t work out, doesn’t mean you’re bad at your chosen industry & everything is a loss. When you’ve been told you’re the bad kid your whole life, of course when things don’t work out, you say “I’m the bad one, it’s my fault.”

When I almost moved across the country from my family, the way that my family gossiped about me set me up for a no-win situation where a rift would have been created regardless of what I chose. When it looked like I was going to move across the country, my toxic family said, “she’s moving across the country because she thinks she’s too good for us.” When I ended up not moving across the country, those same people said, “she stayed here because of her boyfriend, he is holding her back!” Both of which were entirely false: I stayed because the offer was too low for me to pay my bills.

I’m proud of you for taking the risk you did, fwiw.

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Also, OP, I’m a fellow black sheep too. Only now, after many years of defining my boundaries, my family objectively thinks I am successful by any measure they choose.

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You’re a different person now after all these experiences! You courageously moved to a new city, tried a new job that you didn’t know going in would be toxic, dated someone in good faith who was a loser. All of these things could have happened in your hometown as well; so who cares if they happened in another city? Why did you create a rift by moving to a new city? Are you responsible for someone back in your hometown?

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But what’s the guilt about?

I never had a backbone. I finally got 1. But it cost me a lot. and right now, I’m not proud of myself.

Hey OP, it never hurts to be open with your family about how you view your journey. It might be a cathartic moment for all of you. And perhaps if you promise yourself to be true and independent you won’t fall into the trap again

uplifting

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