I don’t feel loved by my husband anymore. COVID really took a toll on our relationship. We married before the pandemic, but weren’t married a full year before it hit. My husband lost his job, found a new one, but started drinking to deal with the stress and I suppose depression. I love him, I want this marriage to work, but there are days I hate him. It’s rough b/c some days he’s his normal self, loving, affectionate, productive and others he’s a an aggressive alcoholic. He won’t get help.

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I’m just here to tell you that if you don’t seriously address it now in some form, it will only get worse. He’s already resigned to toxic methods of coping with stress. Imagine if/when you have kids? Don’t create another generation who suffers in a household with this dynamic.

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Thanks. Unable to have children.

uplifting

He needs weed

likeuplifting

In my view, one habit should never be to replace the other. It may turn out that the person is hooked to both.

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You can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. He sounds selfish, and if I were you I’d give him an ultimatum. Either get help/stop drinking, or file for divorce

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Things can only improve if both parties want it to. Giving up is never the first step, putting in work to a solution is the way, but ultimately, if one party refuses to contribute, participate, then you're only going to have one choice at some point.

If he won't get help, make the above clear to him, and if he still doesn't care, then you have your answer.

You could try pulling in others before it gets to that point though (friends, family, intervention, etc). If he won't get help, and you're left with only option otherwise, then force the help on him at least once.

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OP: So sorry you're going through this. I imagine part of you feels stuck on wanting to stick it out and fix your marriage but also maybe wanting to walk away. Neither are easy choices. I hope you find the happiness you deserve.

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Thank you 🙏🏼

You two need to go to therapy (both on your own/his own and together)

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I struggled with alcohol luckily I'm on the upswing now but whenever I was in it nobody telling me to stop drinking would be effective. It's not going to lead to anything good, he needs to find other ways to do with the stress there are a million.

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You should separate from him. Maybe that will be a wake up call.

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Thank you

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