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🤦♀️ why don't people understand that not everyone likes kids? This situation would make me dislike them even more even though I guarantee they think it will change your mind about not wanting them.
There is a reason I don’t hang out with them anymore 🙄
"I love my nephew and want him to have great people around him. I'm not the best person for this -- kids aren't my thing regardless of their relationship to me, and I can't be a good caretaker for him. I understand that this isn't what yoy want to hear. Please respect this boundary."
And then, as others have said, enforce it! You're not available. You're busy. You have plans. No thank you. No. Repeat ad nauseam.
Maybe find an activity you’d like and have it focused on that like a visit to the zoo or a crafts project that way you can each do something fun
D1 why not? I’m not a fan of kids either but getting to do kids stuff can be fun! It’s not looking after a child or playing with them on an activity the child directs or playing make believe or anything he doesn’t want to do. It’s picking something he wants to do and doing it with his nephew. I recently did a tie dye project and it was a blast. Going to the zoo is fun for me that’s why I suggested it. We were all a child once and hopefully did something fun. This is a chance to do that. There are grown ass people who love playing with slime or tactile stuff. A 3 year old might also like that. If that’s his jam he could totally do that with his nephew. That’s all I’m suggesting.
If it were me I would underline the fact that both you and your nephew should have the right to create your own relationship in your own time. You don’t want to play with him and also, kids aren’t stupid; they know when someone isn’t engaged with them and/or is not good at playing, so I’m guessing he doesn’t like playing with you that much, either. That’s how I’d approach it anyway: make it about the 2 of you (because it is!) and being respectful of what you and your nephew want/don’t want
Teach him that children are not fun and he probably won’t want them in the future. Your family will want to keep him away from you soon. 😬 if not, hey you just help make a future childfree pal.
Bonus if he's the weird kid that his peers make fun of. They'll really help hammer that message home LOL
Playing with him shouldn’t be too bad if it’s short term but you can also just say no. Don’t be afraid to be the bad guy in this regard (also refuse to babysit).
Also, I repeatedly make it clear exactly how unqualified I am to babysit, that it’s tantamount to child endangerment to leave a child unattended with me.
Pro
Exclude yourself from the equation. They are pushing him to you because you make yourself available. Go to yoga, museums, art performances, concerts, walks
Pro
Yep, you have agency and autonomy. Boundaries are paramount. You are NOT their servant, so you do NOT owe them to be at their beck and call. Distance yourself for your own wellness.
I think it’s okay for them to want him to have a relationship with you, and maybe they think play is an easy compromise? Is there absolutely no way you could find a single thing to do with this kid? I get being kid free, but I also think family is important.
Alternative viewpoints are fine and not inherently judgmental, but assuming that OP doesn’t “think family is important” or is “selfish” because he doesn’t want a relationship forced on him is both presumptive and judgmental, and it’s what you have chosen to double down on in your replies. I think that’s what people are reacting to here. FWIW I thought the 1st line of your first response, about understanding their feelings and suggesting compromise, was fair and helpful
Say, "No thanks, I'm a vegetarian"