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I don't love her anymore

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For peeps that don't understand why this post is scary - I find it frightening that after a man has chosen marriage (synonym for responsibility), it is so easy for them to drop everything and run away just because they want to, when the woman is faultless. I wasn't from this culture but has attempted long term dating a few guys from here, and it pretty much all ended up the same way because the guy has their own issues without trying to talk to me/solve it/ communicate. It literally takes so little effort to reach out, but they always choose themselves. There's a reason why the divorce rate is so high in this country. I hope people start recognizing what it means to be responsible for another person when you're in a committed relationship/marriage. Good job for OP changing you mind and making an effort, I'm sure it'll work out for you

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OP great start with the coffee and hand holding! So proud of you! My advice next would be to go to marriage counseling. Maybe she's crying because she thinks it's over, but maybe she wants things back to the way they were 5 years ago too. As long as you are both willing to try, you can get your happy marriage back. Counseling/therapy just makes it a little easier and gives you guidance. Please try it! I know you can be happy in your relationship again. 💪🏽❤

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Also 'love' is so overrated. We get this notion of undying and all consuming love from movies and novels, i dont believe real life works that way. The key is choosing to be with each other every single day. You need to make a conscious choice. It takes effort. You work on your relationship every single day. Some days you might hate her, some days you might be passive and that's ok. Remember back to the time we lived with our parents and had days of thinking that they were the worst thing that happened to us. Living with someone ain't easy.

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Today we went to our old church where we got married.

We renewed our vows. On my request, we bought her a new wedding gown and a new tuxedo for myself. The ceremony was simple, me, her and my childhood pastor.

Chickflick? Disney fairytale? Who cares! Me and my wife are back together!!!!

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This makes me depressed

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I hear you, OP, but before you unilaterally decide to get divorced, talk to her. See what she is thinking and feeling. Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint, so you don't have to be into it every day. Accept your feelings as normal, and then work with your wife to reconnect.

You'll be glad you did because divorce is a REAL pain in the ass.

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Update.
Today I came home a little early. I took of my shoe, didn't put in on the show rack. She busted into anger, started fighting, I fought back.

Later in evening, we calmed. I asked her we should go for coffee. She agreed. We bought coffee , then walked to the waterfront. Sat there, not talking, just gazing at the skyline. Sitting about 4 inches apart. I took the advice, moved closer and held her hand. Few seconds later, she leaned her head on my shoulder. She hasn't done it in last 6 months. Maybe a year. Tears started to roll my eyes, and I felt her tears dropping in my neck. We both silently cried. Not sure if spark will come back, but the 15 years, would have done it again. We cried silently for good 30 minutes.
We are heading back right now. We stopped at another place, as she had to go yo the bathroom, been 10 minutes already. I know she's crying inside. People asking me why bare my eyes red, I'm lying it's cause I had been filling (I'm in advisory). I'll keep you all updated.
Good night for today.

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OP: its so heart touching. She still loves you!!!😍
May God help you to be a strong loving n a patient man for your wifey.

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OP: i pray the very best for you and kids.

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She doesn't love you anyway

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Awww look at our rolex and xuemei bonding here 😍

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Just wanted to let you know, I still think about this thread and pray for you. Wishing you enough.

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So glad to hear! I had shared this thread with my wife back in the day and she just asked me last night what was going on with it. I'll have good news to share with her :).

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I just kept waiting to hear from you! I am so glad you worked out! Best of luck, we are ruting for you!

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Love is tying to work it out even when life gets tough and you both want to give up. Keep moving! Keep going! Keep showing love and helping one another. It is worth it! I promise. No, it is not easy. My marriage is tough too, but it can pay dividends. Marriage is not about finding the right person, it is about being the right person. I have hope for you brother. Don't give up. It can be repaired and you both can experience joy in your marriage again. :)

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That's wonderful news! Continue putting energy into your marriage - enjoy the good times, hang on tight and stay strong during the bad times. Don't be afraid to call a time-out or ask for help if you see a pattern developing that you don't like.

Thoughts and prayers with you and your family always! ❤️🌷

~Xuemei

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😔

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I agree with Xuemei here. Sounds like you need to talk to her. These feelings are normal, i have periods of time when i absolutely detest my SO. Dont wanna sleep with him, but then turns out that's just hormonal and human nature. I come back wanting him even more every time. Just tell her what you sre going thru cuz im pretty sure she might be suspectin something worse by now. Women are very intuitive to behavioral changes and assume the worst

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Nooo ... Don't go the vacation route. You'll spend money and have high expectations. Recipe for disappointment for both of you. Start slow, like you were dating. First coffee, then dinner, then Netflix and chill. It will feel awkward before it feels comfortable again.

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^ i second u D1. Scared n very sad😢
OP: dont file for divorce through end of may. Please dont be so hard on urself.

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Rooting for you guys. One day at a time, one loving act at a time. You guys got this. 🌷

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I cried reading your update. I'm rooting for you. I want to believe love can last.

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