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Rising Star
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Rising Star
Their life their choices. You're just a supporting tool.
You did your best based on your knowledge at that point of time. Let it go and be supportive to your siblings on their life choices
OP, my friend. Don’t put this on yourself. You meant well. And secondly, do you realize you are kinda thinking about this the wrong way as well? Divorce is not the end of life. It happens. You learn from it and move on. Is it easy? Not at all. Can you survive it and get things back on track? Absolutely. Our Desi society makes you believe you are a failure for literally everything they can find lacking in your life. So let them say what they want. They will never make you feel happy.
Go support your siblings through this tough time. Help them put their life back together. Stand up and protect them. Tell them it’s okay. And you know what- focus on how this will make you all stronger as a family. Your Dad will love you for it.
And please seek professional help if you have thoughts of giving up.
Pro
Sorry to hear about this. Hopefully this is an eye opener for you about the toxic, disgusting traits of our desi culture. The whole concept of “buss shaadi karas do jaldi se chaahe kuch bhi ho” is a big pile of dogsh**.
All of that said: don’t ask your Dad to call you to him. Don’t give up on life. Sure your siblings are going through a rough patch at the moment; talk to them and give them the strength and will power to emerge from this and build a better future in life.
I am devastated. Dad always used to tell me - it’s a cruel world. None of the family members realized how protected we were. I don’t know if we can ever recover from this. Dad - You left too soon! This world is evil. Can’t deal with it. Please take all of us with you.
OP! I feel you! Divorces are pretty common in India. It’s just a marriage, imagine your sister and brother having to live with their spouses and being unhappy!
As I said, divorces are getting pretty common in India! Your siblings can easily find other partners if they intend to do that. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you did the best that you could with the circumstances you were in.
Life is unfair and people are bad but family is what keeps us together. I made many mistakes and fights with my wife but in the end she and my mom are the ones who support me regardless. I never understood the concept of immediate family in US where only your spouse and children are immediate but the rest are not but now I feel that maybe correct and include parents in it too. But anyone apart from those are not someone you can reply on. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up. Your siblings are adults who made their own decisions
Rising Star
OP - I’m genuinely pained to read this, and just wanted to give you a hug 🤗. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you did your part with goodwill as the elder brother, and honestly that is all you can do. Sending prayers and well wishes your way!
OP - I am sorry to hear about this. I don’t mean to cross-question but are you sure these divorces are because of errors in judgment of character and not because of normal spousal fights that got out of control? If it’s the latter, there’s nothing you could have done about it. In the former case, while I don’t know your family dynamics, did you brother and sister not have say in who they got married to?
Yeah OP - I agree with SA1 above. I can’t imagine what you are going through right now but sometimes there’s nothing more that can be done and we have to make peace with that.
Chief
Op, better to get divorced than to be in toxic relationships. If not now, at some point they will thank you for your support. I hope and pray that you all come out stronger than before. Have faith, it will all work out at the end. And this has nothing to do with you.
OP-- you have done your part. Don't beat yourself up to this. The world runs this way
Well you did best , you don’t control everything so chill.
D2 - I am sure you meant well but to tell an individual who has lost their parent and has 2 siblings going through an extremely turbulent time to ‘chill’ is not right and if I may say, even comes across as very insensitive. OP needs help and guidance from folks who can tell him that sometimes there’s nothing more we can do.
OP - life is barely 2% of what you expect it to be and 98% what is destined … I’m sure it’s difficult for both families.. No point in blaming yourself and other family.. failed marriage doesn’t necessarily mean failed life.. it could be betterment of all people
Cheer up.. this is a phase and this shall pass too… nothing is permanent in this universe be it sorrow.. be it happiness.. be it wealth or life itself
Chief
If this was a situation, what would your dad do? Probably get some marriage counseling for your siblings? Do your best as your dad would and let the rest be in god’s hands.
OP, sending some warm hugs and positive wibes to you bud. Now please go easy on yourself as it’s not your fault as sometimes things have to happen the way they are.
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Like everyone said above, you have played your father’s role and did your best for your siblings. But this is something that even your father couldn’t have controlled. Don’t blame yourself brother.. please stay positive
Op - don’t be hard on yourself! You/parents can’t and shouldn’t be responsible for managing others marriage. Your siblings are adult and they should be responsible for their marriages.
I grew up in a similar environment like you describe.
Divorce is bad, but not the end of the world. Its hard to comprehend why but divorce rate is much higher than what it is used to be, so cannot be completely attributed to yours or anyone's error in judgement. Its just a different world now.
You can only control you efforts( which you already did), but you cannot control the results.
Different people are faced with different challenges, some go through divorce, some face health issues, financial etc, there not one easier than the other and some have more than one.
Sorry I am going on here! but I feel the pain.
Keep your head up and your family together, you will find the courage to face and overcome life's challenges. Don't give Up, your dad will smile.
Lovely to see everyone’s supportive comments! I needed this today!
Feel better OP! ❤️🩹
You can’t predict marriage outcome. My close friend dated for 10 years before tying the knot and their parents were best friends since college. However, my friend got divorced after 2 years.
You did way more than what some other siblings would have done. 🤗
Rising Star
You are being hard on yourself my friend. There are so many factors to keep a marriage going and you cannot put all your blame on yourself.
Tough times never last…only tough people last