I feel like all the younger white girls at my agency are ganging up on me; I’m a black man and am afraid to say that is historical significance here that dictates just what I can and can’t do about it

likesmart
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

@VP - black man talks about his experience as a black man. White man - ‘Are you sure it’s because you’re black and not XYZ?'

likefunnysmart

First off, this is totally a thing many Black people I know have experienced in the work place so I wanna validate you and your feelings. It’s not okay man. This should NOT still be happening. What state are you in? There are certain states that are one person party consent states when it comes to recording conversations. Which means only you need to know a convo is being recorded I order for it to stand. I would def start doing that if you are in a state who supports it. Next I’d share these feelings with a TRUSTED teammate who shares space enough to start noticing the behaviors as well and who will advocate for you when the time comes. Next, I’d make sure to have a folder where you save any compliments or comments speaking to your value (emails, screenshot chats, texts etc) that way if they come for your job you’ve got proof that people find you valuable outside (and sometimes inside) their little clique. Lastly, make sure you also have a folder to archive anything you could use to CYA (cover your ass). Any note you sent to remind the team to get something done but that deadline was missed, or a time you shared a thought first or even a time where you shared complaints. This will teach you the golden rule to always have stuff in writing.... ALWAYS. HR can dispute “he say, she say” but not cold hard facts.

Bonus: Find your real, true work tribe. This is a great way to alleviate your stress by having people who relate to you and people you can vent to who may have some solutions in place because they have been through it too. Good luck!

likehelpful

Seems like other folks have been in my shoes before. I doubt it’s to sleep w me though, probably more the latter. They’ve already complained to my boss about my “tone” in emails. Boss read the email and asked them, “what the hell are you talking about?” Told them to grow up. Good to have someone w cried on my side, but just the psychological fatigue is enough

likehelpful

Sounds like your agency needs unconscious bias training. Without saying why, tell your HR dept that the agency needs unconscious bias training and you would like it to start with your group. Tell them that this is important. You don’t need to go into detail if you don’t want to. They’ll get it. You may change some people but probably not. But you will put the group on notice that words like “aggressive” are borne out of stereotypes. Not cool

likehelpfulsmart

I feel you man, make sure to document every interaction, always cc people in the emails, just cover yourself. Also, don’t be afraid to speak up, remember that times are changing and social media is on your side.

like

That sucks. When it’s a consistent but hazy infraction like that, it can feel defeating and hard to articulate. Documenting every incident (names, dates, times) in a very factual forward way, with no emotion attached, is helpful in building your case. It can also provide a sense of validation to self and eventually others when it’s reported. And seconding the CC advice - if you have a confidante you can BCC when it would be weird to have them on the email, that may also be helpful

like

@OP not at all trying to invalidate your feelings, but curious if it could be a cliquey thing and not so much a racial thing? I’m a white guy and I’d say that a majority of the young white women in my office can be very petty and make life hard for people. It’s happened to me on several occasions, and although it’s hard not to take it personally; I try to remember that these are basically inexperienced kids who aren’t socially aware enough to understand how their petty actions are impacting the work environment and you as a person. With that being said, if you’re certain it’s a racial thing DO NOT HESITATE to go straight to HR. There’s no excuse.

like

@VP I never said that it was a racial thing, but the racial dynamic comes into play in how I respond.

like

I’m in NYC - that’s what is so crazy about it

like

@Freelance; always get my receipts as much as I can. Don’t want to get burned

like

@VP the historical element however makes it tricky because I can’t just react in the way I want to. That’s the crux of the issue for me and the point of my frustration. not necessarily the ganging up itself

like

Oh yeah they do that. Sometimes it’s to sleep with you or vie for the affections of that cool chocolate man. Other times it’s because you are “too aggressive” and “not a team player”. Remember you are man and in agencies weighted heavily with female departments you can be an easy target for their power plays and frustrations with leadership. Make sure your stuff is tight and they can’t touch you. Document and CYA everything. Be better than them and make yourself indispensable to leadership. As a minority guy all you have to do is work 10x harder than everyone else and you’ll secure your position and ward off the popularity contest fools! That easy.

likefunny

young white girls gang up on everybody. (see: mean girls)

like

Also the notion that minorities should have to work 10x’s harder than everyone else to secure their position and to ward off popularity contests is racist in and of itself. We shouldn’t allow (or be passive about) this sort of emotional labor and pressure to outperform or else.. to exist anymore. It’s so gross that no one has called that out IF this wasn’t sarcasm. Even if it was sarcasm it’s still gross because some people really feel this way and we gotta do everything in our power to dismantle the this toxic behavior. And you wonder why high blood pressure and heart attacks plague minority groups way more than others🤔 SMH

like

WOC here: having this exact experience. and the insult to injury is that they are redic fast to jump on the diversity bandwagon. @VP : step off this and work on your emotional EQ. At your level you should have much more awareness of the subtleties playing out here. ps: your boss could have gone one step further and called them out on their racism to HR... this is what needs to happen to shut this shit down.

likesmart

I am a youngish white girl and I also am dealing with the mean girls culture. Not to hear your experience as a black man and relate as a white girl, just to relate to the mental fatigue. It’s frustrating because this isn’t high school, I am an adult and came here to do work.

like

What's giving you that feeling?

like

@OP That’s fair.

like

With credibility

like

Ugh I’m sorry you are dealing with that. Is there anyone you can trust to help? (-youngish white woman)

Related Posts

Annual Raise coming up:

Current salary is X where X = $75k + an annual bonus that only applies if the company does well that year

Desired salary is Y where Y = a range from 80 - 89.999

Problem is I've been told that salary typically only gets raised 3% each year, without deviation.

To reach Y, I would need at least a 0.0667% increase or so.

Am I boned or.. ?

like
like

I am having 6.5 years of experience in QA automation. Trying to switch to SDEt role. How much should I ask?

like

I love the name of this group but also wish it was “out and about”. But also I know that a lot of us aren’t out to the world yet (including myself)

like

I went in-house 3 years ago. At the time, I was interviewing with 2 companies. One company was a much better cultural fit for me and I was 1 of 2 finalists. But they chose the other applicant. I got the other job and have been there ever since. The work is ok,but I still struggle with company culture daily. 3 years later, the original job that I wanted has been reposted. Reach out to the GC directly to show interest? Is it worth moving from a comfy job just bc I think the culture will be better?

like

What's a good hobby for me to pick up that fits with me working 40-50 hours a week? Could be related or unrelated to the industry.

like

Anyone know what FREE tool will spit out Instagram post (and preferably stories) data into Excel or Google sheets these days?

like

Anyone else doing the level 1 CFA final review with Kaplan? It’s like a workshop from the 22-24th?

like

What has your experience with life insurance as an investment vehicle been? I’m thinking of putting $50K in a half million life insurance plan over 3 year. Any thoughts?

like
like

I was called into HR because a coworker overheard a conversation between me and another colleague taking about cable/streaming shows that we watched or recorded. I mentioned that I recorded a few true-crime shows. My colleague jokingly said, "I hope I'm not on your hit-list!". I replied, "Not anymore." HR pulled me in to say a coworker complained about me talking about hit-lists, and they were now scared. HR wouldn't say who complained, so do I have a right to ask about the resolution to this?

Does anyone have dog sitter or boarding recommendations in the Boston area?

like

when is EY FSO rehiring again? Was mid way in recruiting and they put a pause mid way 2 months back. Any idea EY FSO folks?

like

How much time it take to onboard in a project in Mphasis. Joined Mphasis on 29th April and still waiting to onboard.

like

I'm curious, do straight Asian men feel any kind of way about the increase in Asian men representation being overwhelmingly queer.

like

Are there life science jobs in Hawaii? Thinking about moving there but not sure what kind of jobs are available 🤔

like

Hi all! My company just laid off 5% of the workforce. I was safe but I am looking for new roles. I’m in final interviews for a company but worried about making moves because of the impending recession.. what are your thoughts? Make the move or stay put?

like

Hi Fishes,
What is future scope of informatica MDM java developer?
Offer cmpny : Servicenow.
Yoe : 6 , java, spring boot,, microservoces and aws.

like

Can any give reference in Deloitte?

like

Additional Posts in Advertising Confessions

Don’t you get mad when a team comes to you saying “so, here’s my (big) idea: the film starts in the morning...”?

like

The presidential alert. No thank you please. UNSUBSCRIBE

like

On a lighter side, flat sheet or no flat sheet on your bed? I hear people are getting rid of their top sheet bedding.

like

I’m a late-30-something guy, living alone with a dog and I just caught myself calling for her (three-syllable name) to the tune of ABBA’s “Waterloo.” And I’m 30 minutes late for work.

likesmart

I feel so uninspired.
To do anything in this industry.
And I'm not a senior art director.
I'm a CD. Been advertising for 15+ years.

likehelpful

If I died tomorrow, my agency would put a want ad on my headstone.

funnylike

Just watched the “social dilemma” on Netflix. While some of the findings are troubling, I do find it oddly strange that not a single finger was ever pointed at Netflix themselves. After all, it operates under a similar business model of data, remembering your tendencies, algorithms and tests to get you watching more and hooked on their platform. Wonder if there’s a hidden ploy to get you logged off your social media accounts so you can spend more time on Netflix. 🤔

likefunnysmart

Last 2 weeks have been a sh$tshow at work, I was a nervous wreck. Today I finally realized that I cannot control what everyone else does or doesn't do, I just need to keep doing my job. Now I feel better.

likeuplifting

I have an interview for a job that I don’t think that I want. I’ve been desperate to leave my company for two years now, but I really think this new position will put me in the belly of the beast. Sho

like

I feel like some people on my team don’t like me. I may be projecting, but wwyd in that situation?

like

What if you suck at this, but you don’t want to do anything else? 😭

like

I don’t want to tell my therapist about the severe depression I’ve slipped into due to work because all the progress I’ve made will be gone.

like

I feel so absolutely and completely unappreciated in my current gig. Should I speak up, start looking, or suck it up?

like

The last woman I dated wasn’t over her ex but I still fell in love with her. And yet here I am going through it again for the second time.

Not sure how I feel about recruiters texting me. I like the attention of course but it’s like they’re invading my personal space. Or maybe I’m just old.

like

My agency (~50 people) is optional WFH and I still work in office, because of the free 🧻 .

It’s better than dealing with these lines.

Post Photo
like

I had a dream about one of the partners in my office. Not good, since he’s married. I really need a life.

like

Have been interviewing for over a year to switch outside the agency world into brand design / innovation firms. Should I just give up at this point?

I skipped the super bowl to start a OITNB binge. No regrets

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy