{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I feel like my husband wants to be a good partner but can’t multitask. He loves the baby and does have things in the house he “owns”. But inevitably after a few good weeks he slides on the things we share (laundry, cooking, taking care of the dogs). His work is busy and stressful and he is older than me. He is always tired (and has always been like this). I just get so angry because he acts like he needs to be so well rested but then I have to pick up the slack! I hate that he says (cont.)", "post_id": "62376b98f98e25002a9dd875", "reply_count": 14, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms", "feed_type": "bowl" }
null

I feel like my husband wants to be a good partner but can’t multitask. He loves the baby and does have things in the house he “owns”. But inevitably after a few good weeks he slides on the things we share (laundry, cooking, taking care of the dogs). His work is busy and stressful and he is older than me. He is always tired (and has always been like this). I just get so angry because he acts like he needs to be so well rested but then I have to pick up the slack! I hate that he says (cont.)

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I’m probably more like your husband in terms of my relationship. I would sit down with your husband and have a clear conversation about exactly what you need from him and ask him what he needs from you in order to be successful. My partner and I had this talk and I said I need things written down and I need to be able to unplug. My husband needed me to do more and be able to multitask. What has helped me is having a whiteboard where we write things down that need to be done, due date and owner. I just have a terrible memory when it comes to opening mail, taking out empty boxes, doing laundry etc. I also do need a break. I can’t operate at 100% all the time. On the weekends we divide and conquer taking care of the baby. I can take care of the baby and do house work if I know I’m going to get a break. We have a designated two hour window each on the weekend that is “me” time where we can do whatever we want uninterrupted. It can’t be a household chore, anything related to our daughter or basic necessities (e.g. showering, eating etc). We had to define what the time meant as my partner’s definition of downtime and mine are very different. My partner also tells me the things he does so I’m aware and know to do them in the future. To help me multitask I asked for him to go to a different room when I’m doing laundry (insert any task) and watching the baby. I can’t have any distractions as I lose my train of thought (thanks pregnancy). We check in every week to see how we can better support one another. Good luck. It is tough but it can change. For us it takes constant communication and real time transparent feedback.

like

“I just need to rest a little more and I can help”. Inevitably every weekend he sleeps so much more than me and I end up with the baby more (he also doesn’t multitask - folding laundry and dealing with the baby). I hate that I have to remind him to do things.

This really is a cycle - there are weeks where he is truly an awesome partner. But whenever it gets a little difficult at work or busy he falls off the wagon. And I’m just so angry because I don’t GET the opportunity to slack off. I HAVE to be there to pick up the slack.

Btw I’ve left things out for him. Literally left unfolded laundry on the living room couch for three days - the nanny eventually did it. We have Costco boxes still sitting in our foyer after three weeks.

I don’t need praise (“you’re doing so much”). I need a partner.

I swear, while he is tired, he just doesn’t push himself. And I’m so, so over it.

like

Ugh sorry mama. That’s so so hard. Parenting is great but EXHAUSTING. Not the point of your story I know, but Can you get more help ? Outsource laundry or get a moms helper to help? We have one plus full time daycare and it’s so nice. Or if you have a sit down with husband will he change?

like

Going through the same here. I think only thing we can try is say we need some time off and literally leave him with the baby for a few days so he’ll understand just how tired we are. Happy to chat if you want to vent but don’t have any advice. Hang in there mama ❤️

like

You just gotta do less momma. No point in picking up the slack only to get exhausted and cranky. How long till that attitude sticks and becomes your cranky personality? Or sticks and pisses him off that he stops trying and it causes a drift in your marriage. If the nanny can do it, let her. That's what you pay for. Find other ways to cut stress, like meal planning, buying extra things so you can do baby laundry once a week, or just doing less across the board even if the house is messy.
Lose the battle, win the war.

like

This is me and my hubs. Wonderful dad and husband and does so much but it's still not enough. I had a breakdown and started dropping all the balls. Dishes literally didn't get washed. Husband ran out of socks. Yup. We fought and he realized that I was picking up too much slack that he didn't recognize. We got a laundry service, we got a cleaning service, we ordered meal services. This helped a lot... It still didn't fix everything.

like

Little kids make parents give 100% and get nothing back. Once the kids are older they can help but until then get some help. We love having a Saturday morning helper.

like

If you can afford it, outsource. Which doesn't mean you also shouldn't have the conversations in an ongoing way, but assume he's not going to improve and figure out if there are things you can do to make your life easier.

like

This ^ definitely will take some pressure off the relationship. You should still have the discussion and outsource where/when you can.

like

Btw husband saw how upset I was and we had a talk. He agreed we need to be clearer about communication. I don’t know if we will ever be truly equitable but maybe that’s progress? He WANTS to be a good partner. I don’t know how to make it more equitable.

I don’t know if it’s ever truly equal. My husband is extremely helpful but I’d say it’s still 60/40 just because he works a lot more than me so naturally I’m home with the baby more and I take care of the baby’s stuff more (get more diapers, pack lunches, etc). Sometimes I truly miss being childless lol but then my baby smiles at me and it’s with it. Parenting is hard!!

like

My husband would end up just falling asleep in the afternoon on weekends and becoming useless. He fixed it by getting an exercise regime.

Been there 👋. We figured out that we can’t share tasks. One person owns it and asks for help if needed. I do the laundry, he helps me fold at night while watching tv- but 90% of the time I have to put the basket between us and start. I walked in to him folding laundry by himself last week and almost died. BUT I don’t grocery shop, cook, or mow the lawn. I handle the kids schedule and tell him when to pick them up. I clean the house and do the garden, he does trash…
Write everything down, split it up, and stick to it. If the trash doesn’t get done, for example, leave it until the maggots grow- he’ll learn then 🤢
Also, babies are really hard… my husband wasn’t great with the babies, but now that they’re 12 and 10 he’s actually better with them and has been for a while. It’s definitely cyclical/ seasonal.

Related Posts

Just need to vent. My husband and I had our first baby not too long ago and I am now back at work. M&A, back to annualizing ~2500 hrs. Baby isn’t reliably sleeping through the night and husband does not do night wakes unless I’m truly delirious. I am exhausted all the time. I’m pumping/nursing/doing the bedtime routine entirely on my own. I’ve sacrificed so much — my own parents, my social life, simple things like leaving the house. He says he’s doing all the housework (which he is…

like

Did any of you get pregnant the year / close to going up for Partner? How did you plan for it?

Am I the only one who doesn’t talk about their kid’s ages in months after they hit a year?? Ie, 17 months = “about a year and a half”

like

any one part of any good networking / job referral / career growth slack channels? Looking to get involved and would love a link. Feel free to lmk if you have any experience with such or I can dm you for a link. Thanks !

like

After building up the members, we can arrange a Zoom speed dating call! Open to other ideas as well on how to use this for people looking to date

like

I already have mom guilt and my baby isn’t even due until May! 🥺 Constantly worried that I am going to look back in 15-20 years and be upset that I worked while she was growing up, but on the other side worried that if I don’t work we won’t be able to afford to give her the experiences we want her to have. How do moms deal with this?

like

Need to talk with a Quebec licensed Attorney about a T and E issue. Client resides in New Jersey and has a Power of attorney for her mother in Quebec and is executrix of her mother’s estate under a notary will when she dies.

There has been some discussion of setting up an inter vivos trust with distribution of the assets upon the settlors death. The current will is to be scrapped. I need to discuss the technical issues involved.

like

I understand that an effective way to job search is to network - by scheduling coffees/zoom calls and I like to do these. my problem is scheduling on workdays - I want to make it convenient for whomever is kind enough to talk with me, but i get unexpected mtgs added to my calendar or colleagues interrupt by IM or phone — or stopping by my office on days I am in the office) How do others handle this? Thanks from a knowledge management/internal comms/legal marketing tech job searcher in Wash DC!

like

I’m joining Accenture Federal soon and had some questions about parental leave. First, is there a minimum timeframe you have to work for Accenture before they let you take maternity/parental leave. Secondly, in the recruiting brochure maternity leave is separate from parental leave. Can you take both of you are the primary caretake for a total of 4 months?

like

BURNED OUT MOM! And sad to say it. 😔 I have a 2.5 years old boy and a 6 months old baby girl. The boy is becoming so so stubborn. I feel like his daddy and I are doing something wrong. He used to be way more behaving and generally a sweet boy said the daycare and neighbors. I know he is a good fella. Could this be just a phase?! It's worth mentioning both his dad and I are going through stressful times at work.

like

Soo….has anyone embarrassed themselves in front of students? Today I got my foot wrapped up in a kid’s Chromebook charger and bit the dust in the aisle between desks. The good news is that I landed on the best possible body part, so it’s all good. This is second only to the day I ripped my skirt all the way up the back while directing choir…don’t ask.

funnylikeuplifting
likeuplifting

What do you do about mean girls? My daughter (11- going into 6th) keeps having this girl make her feel like sh** in group text. Should I show the girl's mom's these messages? Other than saying my daughter shouldnt be around this person, is there anything I should do?

I read the texts and heard the stories - this girl just is rude and insecure and clearly has a thing for my daughter.

like

Is it bad taste to interview on a Zoom call for an in house role in your work office? Is it better to take it at home?

like

28LPA CTC In Chennai vs 233000 MYR in Malaysia? Assuming I rent in both the cities. Family of 3 . Child is 1 year.
Aim is to save maximum money. Which is better.?

like

Delivered my baby 3 months ago, my hair is starting to fall a lot. What did you guys use? Am taking postnatal vitamins

like

I just finished rewatching The Office and I realized the least likeable characters for me are: 1. Andy, Phyllis close second, and Ryan a distant third. I used to think it was Ryan and Kelly.

Similar to when I rewatched friends and realized how Ross was basically a whiny baby and Chandler was the actual best among them.

That is all. Carry on.

like

Family planning: When did you / SO start trying to get pregnant?
Curious about age/your career level at the time / whether you’re M/F. If you adopted/ used a surrogate, also curious!

like

Name your top 4 pharma agencies to work at as a creative parent. Please and thank you.

like

Is your school teaching remotely? Interested in sharing strategies! How will you stay in compliance? Do we need to rewrite the minutes for services. Will you hold Zoom IEP meetings? Has your state provided any directives?

like

Additional Posts in Consulting Moms

Hi all, can anyone give me a referral to McKinsey & Company or BCG, please?
Secondly, I have earned 11 likes but still can't access DMs, is there a way I can fix this, or do I need to earn more likes?
Thank You for your response.

like

How do you stay positive after another period? I spent all morning hysterical on the kitchen floor. I have a good support system of friends. I have professional help and an amazing husband. But every month that passes is getting harder, some moments I’m becoming more cynical and bitter.

like

As a designer, I sometimes feel like an ADs bitch. Because I am.

like

I am having 7 YOE in Java. Current ctc 12lpa.
I have offer from Capgemini around 17lac.

Now, I am getting offer from Deloitte of 17.8fixed, with Consultant role to work with Salesforce...

I believe I should get Senior consultant and at least 23lpa fixed....

Is my expectation correct?

like

Our ICU nurses made cheat sheets for COVID care- they're awesome!! I'm keeping them on hand for future reference...

like

Question for recruiters -

I know it’s not a “good sign,” but is it a bad sign if a position I interviewed for this week was posted on LinkedIn by a recruiting firm yesterday?

I had my initial interview last week, was called back for another interview, had my second interview earlier this week, and then LinkedIn notified me today of a new posting from a recruiter that is very clearly the same position. Just trying to figure out if this means I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

like

Is it true PwC is doing layoffs in the audit practice in New York??

I am admittedly burnt out and tired of working busy season hours when it’s not (understaffed) and being under appreciated. Applying and interviewing, but not much traction (thanks, COVID). So the question is, when you don’t want to work and feel like you can’t suck it up and put on a facade anymore, how do you keep up the energy and motivation for your team? (Seeking real responses from people who have been here.)

like

how much does EY Parthenon- software strategy group pay a Senior Associate in Boston? Any ideas on base salary, sign on, & bonus?

like

I stay remote (wfh) most of the time for my work, and travel about < 10%. My wife also stay home with our son. The benefit of getting to stay at home, especially in this consulting industry is (cont)

like

I am manufacturing engineer with 4+ yrs of experience looking for a career switch. Please suggest

like

I had my PHR back in early 2000, then made a career change to a paramedic (I know, right). I called SHRM and they said I'm eligible to test again even though I only currently have 1.5 yrs of HR.

I purchased the online study guide and it seems that HR has gone in a completely different direction - more operations related than employee relations etc.

Did anyone find this online training to be helpful? I test in July, so any tips would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks - lauren

like

Mid level salary for customer service advocate in PA?

like

Curious to hear from solos who've been in the game for a while. How long have you been a solo, what's your income, and how long did it take for you to reach that point?

like

I guess IFS doesn’t have anything to complain about like Advisory 🐠? 😆 Quiet bowl!

likefunny

Sunday wrist watch check:
Lounging in leather

Post Photo
like

Hearing a lot about people moving out of the Bay Area. Are FAANG companies open to their employees moving out of SF now and working from anywhere (even once covid wfh ends)?

like

Hi All,
I haven't declared any of my investments (home loan , mutual funds, stocks etc) and insurance policies in Deloitte independence declaration/tracking & trading. Can there be any severe repurcussions if I declare now ? I have been with deloitte for quite long

like

How is hcl as a compay. Do we get good hikes in subsequent years after joining as a lateral hire

I’m currently doing a Fintech Bootcamp through a university. For anyone that has completed a bootcamp, what doors did it open for you and what do you do now?

likehelpful

Additional Posts (overall)

Hi I am looking to get pregnant. Previously I had a miscarriage and it's been close to 6 mos now. I don't know if it's psychological or physical but just feels like it's harder to conceive. I am also looking to get promoted in a year or two but I also don't want to delay having kids any longer as I am getting near to mid 30s. Sometimes I wonder if I need to do something less busy and stressful in order to have a family. I do like consulting. Anyone experienced sth similar or got any advice?

like

My MIL is staying with us to help while I’m recovering and baby is 2 weeks old. She holds him until he falls asleep and then keeps holding him. I can’t figure out when that will become a bad habit hut

Anyone have suggestions for nominal newborn photographers in the NYC/Jersey City area?
I’m looking at prices and they are insane!

like

Ladies, how involved is your husband in the day to day decision making for your newborn (e.g. which clothes wear, swaddle or not etc). Is there something like “too involved “??

like

Am looking to buy my middle schooler a laptop. I don’t want a Mac. Am trying to rationalize to myself why we should get a windows machine vs chrome book. For anyone with teenagers, any thoughts? My daughter already has an iPad from the school but she wants a laptop to write papers and for ease during distance learning.

like

Holy ish!... I haven’t told anyone. Just now to all of you 😂. Just found out I’m pregnant and am slightly freaking out. Like, I’m about to have a baby??!!! Whaaaaa????? Shit just got real

like

Hi moms, anyone has infants/toddler going to Goddard school in NJ? My friends with their infant/toddler are moving to NJ in Sep and Goddard school looks very impressive. What would be approximate per month cost for infant and toddler wing? Our son goes to on campus daycare so our costs comparison is not helping them to budget. Thank you!

like

When do you stop hiding your food from your kids so you can eat in peace? 😩

likefunny
like

What are some small + consistent ways you show your spouse you appreciate them daily? Feel like I'm often nagging + frustrated and have difficulty pausing to focus on the positives

like

Moms, when did your little one start swimming lessons? I never learned to swim and would love for my kid to learn. He is 4 months old. Also, what are your thoughts on ISR? Thank you

like

Anyone has recommendations for nursing bra?

like

Anyone gone through leadership development training program? Thoughts on it? Any books to recommend on the topic?

like

I really need help to get myself ready to sleep train my baby. I had tough time getting pregnant and the birth wasn’t easy. I have PPA and my baby is everything. I hear conflicting advise particularly from gentle sleep training groups that sleep training hurts your baby mentally. Can someone tell me what works ? My baby is 5 months and I have to nurse to sleep every day . Wakes up every 45 mins to 3 hours through the night

like

Does anyone know if insurance typically covers a breast pump each pregnancy? I got one with my first and thinking I want to try a different one this time

Moms in Atlanta metro! My nanny cared for my 3 kids. She is exceptional with kids, drives, cleans meticulously & is a personal assistant in many ways. She run errands and is a very helpful resource.

like

Has anyone’s newborn had a belly button hernia due to pushing so hard to pass gas? What did you do?

like

If you return from mat leave or a personal leave and get pregnant again shortly after, are you eligible for mat leave again if taken less than 12 months after your return? I’ve heard some companies prohibit this for dads, does Accenture do this for moms? Or all good?

like

Hi ladies, what’s a good organic formula for a newborn? I’m having supply issues (sigh) and need to switch to formula for a bit..

like

MDPs on my team kept pressuring me to travel to have an internal-only meeting with them. I’ve been on site four days a week for three weeks and this week there are no big client meetings

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Already have an account? Log in

New to Fishbowl?

image with Fishbowl logo and arms reaching out for a handshake

Already have an account? Log in

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.
Messaging rates may apply

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal