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Depression/Anxiety Talk

I feel momentarily defeated. I wish my parents were more encouraging. I’m in the process of buying my first home, which feels overwhelming and incredibly lonely as I’m going through this without their guidance or support. I felt so hopeful and excited to share with them that I was preapproved by a lender (an important step). My mother seemed annoyed and my father immediately began rattling off every possible thing that can go wrong. He critiqued the home, the cost, down payment, you name it.

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I don’t share my income or net worth with them because I feel that they won’t celebrate in knowing these details. I have hardly any debt (just a car payment) and a healthy net worth for my age and living situation. I feel incredibly blessed and am not one to brag. It just feels so emotionally crippling when they instill fear and doubt in me. Clearly I still have some inner child wounds that need healing. Not sure if any of you can relate. I guess I just needed a good vent.

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I moved half a country away. It’s much better.

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The need for parental approval is clearly very strong for you. I’d explore this further with a therapist who might help you understand why you need that and how to be happy without it. Take it from someone who escaped a low-income, you-left-because-you-think-you’re-too-good-for-us community that has never had approval or appreciation for her “selfish” accomplishments... They’re not going to give it to you, the trick is learning how to stop needing it.

likesmart
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Honestly, realizing that I was never going to get it helped a lot. I had a therapist who told me I needed to give myself permission to be a little selfish and to do what made me happy. It was really hard, but I got there. You can too - it’s worth working through this stuff with a professional. Wishing you all the best! Life on the other side is much happier 💗

likehelpful
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You’ve done exceptionally well for yourself OP and there is a lot else in life to make up for what you’re missing now. I can’t predict a timeline but you’ll overcome many of these feelings as your support network grows through SO/kids etc. Congratulations on getting close to home ownership.

likeuplifting
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Thank you. That was a very hopeful message.

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I bought my first home last year but didn't tell my mom or any of my relatives until after I moved in. I'm let them gossip among themselves about the downpayment was and the downpayment.

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Congrats on your first home! You must feel great.

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My father got the same advice from the people from his fathers generation and it was always FUD. They never dreamed big and my father got caught up in that. My dad was in the same boat. Doing very well as a private practice surgeon but never had any guidance from the elders. This attitude persisted and today his net worth is 10% of what it would have been if he had listened to himself and his wife. He admits that today and encourages us not to do it. Unless they have solid points or are pointing out massive red flags ignore them and forge ahead. They probably never had the audacity to dream big.

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Wow I feel like that example is spot on. I’m glad he has that revelation now and can encourage you all not to follow down that road. I think my father has this same mentality your father once had.

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My sister in law is going through the same situation now. Works crazy hours, so limited time to see houses. Her parents are pushing to buy but shit on every house she likes and pressured her to use a family friend realtor who is useless. On top of it, her husband is a loser and refuses to go on any open houses with her. So she’s all by herself in this. Only thing she’s holding on to is the opp to have her own space away in this world from everyone to raise a family. No real advice here but know your situation is a common one. Just go with your gut.

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Thanks for sharing. She sounds like a bad ass. Please tell her we’re rooting for her and she’s not alone, either. It blows to feel like we’re going through the process alone but in the end I’m sure it will be rewarding AF!!

likeuplifting
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I have had to do this too. My extended family aren’t really supportive of my MBA and career advancement and I am simply persevering. Do what’s best for you and surround yourself with like-minded people.

likeuplifting
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I see you! Congrats on your MBA and career progress. This is why I like this app. It’s easy to find “your tribe”//people with similar outlooks.

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Sorry OP. I had a similar experience years ask with my first home. They actually made me feel so unsure about my direction I backed out. I’ll never forget how humiliating that experience felt. I do know that they were acting out of a place of worry and concern about a huge commitment. It will be great and your parents will come around.

likeuplifting
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I’m glad you bought your home. That’s great news

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