{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I feel stuck. Want to move to a new part of the country but I have so many obligations where I live (work, family, friends, church). Sometimes i just wish I could click my heels and go somewhere far far away but then I feel intensely guilty. Anyone feel me?", "post_id": "614f7a033c4093002b4befe0", "reply_count": 24, "vote_count": 8, "bowl_id": "55375ce690f5eebe1d2a0f88", "bowl_name": "Tech" }

I feel stuck. Want to move to a new part of the country but I have so many obligations where I live (work, family, friends, church). Sometimes i just wish I could click my heels and go somewhere far far away but then I feel intensely guilty. Anyone feel me?

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So I’m in this dilemma one day and then the next day I’m not. I lived alone for a while until the pandemic. Then everything went remote, I went back home, made a couple of switches and now I have pretty much a good routine. Eating healthy and stuff and spending quality time with family. When I can back home I wonder if I can carry on but then I got used to it. And I tell myself the same now if things went back to the old system. My only recommendation is bring some change in terms of your work. Something new and challenging because we spend a significant portion even remotely at work. Do settle for less, salary matters and so does the interests. So look for something that will get your juices going and it will lift the feeling a bit at a time.

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Thanks for the advice!

I’m not sure if you’re partnered and have kids, which would complicate it because it means more people are affected, but I’ve been there. When my husband and I were younger, we lived in the Northeast but really wanted a change. We decided to bite the bullet and seriously piss off his family (who we were moving far away from), and ultimately it was a great decision. It was a great job market, much like this one, so we moved 500 miles away after doing some research and finding new jobs in only ten days! Be sure you think through all the pros and cons (i.e., living far from the annoying in-laws but not having any family support when you need a babysitter, escaping frigid winters but dealing with hurricanes), but my perspective is definitely that you only live once. It’s easy to make decisions based on obligation or inertia, but the years will still pass at the same rate. Where we live isn’t where we’ll retire, necessarily, but has been a great community in which to raise our family, and I’m so glad that we took the leap.

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"Where we live isn't where we'll retire" <-- this is golden!!

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That's a tough one. Maybe there's a compromise that can be made? You may end up resenting everything if you sacrifice your career or life over it.

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Take a break for few weeks and roam around places far away and refresh yourself

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I have for sure,there's something about permanently getting away that's alluring

Wish I had advice but I’m honestly on the same boat. Feel so trapped since I have a child & my family is here. Wonder how other people do it

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Yeah, it makes me wish I had time to do these things where I was single

That’s always a tough one. 6 of my spouse’s sibs live in their hometown or one over. My Mom’s family goes back 3 generations in town. We live in the same state but might move ourselves out further.

I'm here with you on this one. I don't feel guilty though, I have to move on with my life at some point.

Seriously? Assuming family doesn't mean partner and kids then what's stopping you?

Yes, family means partner and kids. Everything is stopping me

There are so many wfh opportunities. I would change your work to wfh so you have more freedom.

I feel you. Honestly I think this is the universe telling you to make some shifts in your life.

Guilt will hold you back. Feeling bad is a temporary feeling, regret is forever.

I say give it a go for a couple of months. Get a wfh job and pick a new place to live. Or even rent an airbnb for a couple of months. Live anywhere for a couple of months and if you hate you can just go back home.

Agreed with what everyone is saying. I see both sides! I think taking a break to get away from it all would really help with recentering and refocusing.

I hear the challenges, but many companies will reduce that friction for you and pay you more. If I can ever help, reach out to me on LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/alanjstein

It's a really tough dilemma. When my mom was alive, I felt a lot of guilt that I should stay close to her as well as appreciation of the help that she would give me when I had kids. I thought maybe I wanted to move away, nonetheless, so I did an internship on the other side of the country, and it became clear to me that I didn't want to be that far from family. Since she's died, I feel less obligation to the rest of my family, so I moved a few hours away, which has been a happy medium. I'm not too far, so we can visit fairly frequently, but I still get to live somewhere different and not be expected to see them all the time. For me, that's been a nice balance, but I think it's hard to know until you've tried it. I love the idea that other people have posted about moving somewhere for a few months and living in an Airbnb. That way, you're sending the signal to family that you're just taking advantage of WFH and going on a working vacation, but for you and your partner, you know you're trying something different as a test run. If you end up wanting to stay near family, you've added a cool experience to your life story. If you end up wanting to move away, you're making a very informed decision. Good luck!

We're in the same boat you are. But for us, we analyzed cost-of-living and quality-of-life in other areas where we may not have a community versus remaining in a familiar area with our family and friends but not being able to fully enjoy the next seasons of life for our family (like buying a house - or a bigger house). So for us, staying put feels restricting, whereas the possibilities are endless elsewhere. Since you mentioned church as one of the obligations you face, I'll add this: it is MUCH easier to plant roots elsewhere when you find another church community in that new place. It makes a big move feel much less risky for us because we know we can immediately get plugged into a community and rebuild. I'll also throw this out for you: as a kid my parents moved us around every few years (I moved 6 times before 5th grade) and it was ROUGH. I hated losing relationships and constantly rebuild new ones. Even going back "home" in middle school, my relationships were never the same leading into high school. SO depending on how old your kids are, take into consideration the timing of WHEN may be best to move for their sake as well.

Maybe different people just have different mentality about this, but to many people, where your family and friends are really doesn't matter, and you just need to go or have to go to where the opportunities are for you - being for school or for job, etc., and you just pack up and go, and your family and friends should and will understand you, and you can always go back visit them. In terms of your partner, if he/she truly wants to build a better life together with you, will support you and go along with you in the pursuit of batter life for both of you. There are people who never left their hometown all their lives and fear traveling afar, yet there are countless people constantly moving to different cities, different states, or even different counties, to pursue their opportunities and try to live a better and happier life, so this shouldn't even be an issue in today's very mobile and integrated world.

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