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Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on reframing your mind to quit burgling you.
One thing that worked for me was changing my morning routine from grabbing my phone for news and Instagram first thing to grabbing it for a 10min meditation (calm app) then a 10min morning motivation (YouTube, channel was Law of Attraction Coaching) while brushing teeth/getting ready. Was a much better use of 20min to start my day.
At EY, I'd also consider use of Lyra coaching. I found it very helpful in better understanding myself and reframing some of these physiological reactions our brain does automatically. It helps fine tune advice for your situation.
Chief
You’ve seen the iceberg meme or the duck metaphor? You have no idea what’s going on underneath the surface of other peoples lives and to assume you do is arrogant self-pity. First, end the comparisons now. Legit, stop gaf. Second, learn to be happy in the moment and during each phase (easier said than done, but well worth the effort). If you can do the first and second, you’ll avoid the inevitable third, which realizing that you’ll never be happy reaching your “goal” if you think goals lead to happiness.
Chief
It’s a good first step. And yes, I can be harsh but it comes from a good place. How one reacts to to anther’s challenge sheds light on one’s own issues. So, glad to see what you said and hope it’s genuine. There will always be people who get “ahead” easier than you. But this I can promise, if the dream wasn’t achieved with difficulty it wasn’t a worth while dream. Id bet you they harbor some failed dreams within them - it’s all too human. Just as much as hiding that soft inner fear from the world. Be close to them. Be happy for them. Be happy for yourself as you pursue your dreams. Become grateful for what you have. If you can’t, Do some charity work for the goodness of it, and the added benefit of seeing how so many people would likely kill to be in your place. By this, I’m not saying compare yourself. Just realize what is.
Once you have a real convo with the people who you think are ahead, you soon realise they have a plethora of problems. But no one airs their problems on social media so you just see the good side of their lives.
I also struggle majorly with comparing myself to others. One thing that helps me is to focus on the things I can control, aka the aspects of MY life. Everything else is just background.
Thank you! Yes, staying bitter certainly doesn't help change situations. I'm going to try to take more actions and focus more on what I can control in my life as well.
I was pretty much there when my friends moved ahead earlier than me. Ignore if you can.
All this will only frustrate you and you won’t even focus on your career.
Agreed. I'm trying to process my feelings as fast as I can and finding other focus, because as you mentioned, I do feel my emotions somewhat impacting my productivity.
Pro
I don’t think they really achieved those things with minimal effort. They probably just act like it. That’s why I hate social media. People only post achievements and happiness and others are wondering what the F is wrong with my life.
Also, in my opinion, the purpose of life is not to reach a certain goal or to achieve something special. It is the everyday life and the little things you enjoy. Sounds cringy but if you think about the last big achievement you made, did that really make you that happy? How long did the happiness last? For half of my life my goal was to go into a big law firm. Finally did it in 2021. The happiness I actually got from that was not even as much as how I feel cuddling with my dog at night…
Yes. Simple pleasures of loving a pet, being with people who truly know you and love you…. That is what feels the best.
Ignore is great advice. People who do things faster or earlier don’t do them better. Evidenced by the number of second marriages and divorces here. Your journey is different than others and that’s just fine.
This happened to me once we all went to post-vaccine part of the pandemic. Everyone was traveling, getting engaged, buying houses while I had moved back to my parents house doing none of those things.
What helped me is reading a lot of books, actively seeking out new hobbies and in-person classes, taking workout classes, being outside. Anything I could do to get away from social media and doom scrolling. I post about my hobbies and such now, and people come to me with more messages and questions - which is nice to be remembered. And it’s helped rekindle old friendships
I still get super caught up with the comparison game. But I also like building my life with things that bring me joy so I don’t feel FOMO when seeing others’ joy.
Hope that helps ❤️
My cousin is getting married and their pictures on Facebook make it look like a dream. Total dream. He works for B4 and she is a lawyer. They have a big house together. But she treats him horribly and it is a MISERABLE situation. Absolute shit show and I don’t imagine it will end well. You would never know this by looking at their highlight reel on Facebook. They are posting engagement photos, bachelorette photos, dress shopping, passing exams, etc. You never know what is going on behind the scenes.
No one is promised tomorrow. Find enjoyment in today. Also get off social media.
I feel you and I’m there with you. It’s not comparing our self with social media or other people. It’s when we feel we deserve better because always work hard on ourselves even after work. all we need just a CHANCE for better opportunities. then be shocked when you know others not putting much efforts and get better opportunities.
Don’t get me wrong, We are so happy for others so 100% envy not in the pictures , just questioning what are we doing wrong or missing after everything we do?? . 😳 that when we feel trapped and mentally exhausted and hopeless 😔
Exactly! Some of the great things happening are to my closest friends, so I'm definitely happy for them! At the same time, the self-doubt is hard to ignore, and overall just so difficult to keep positive when we've given our all to everything/everyone with incomparable returns. Hope we both come out of it somehow! 🙏 Talking through it in this community and reading the comments from others definitely seemed to help.
I very much relate to your experience as it was mine in the past and as a transformational coach many of my clients come to me feeling the same. In my experiencd comparison leads to feelings that they must be doing something better than me becausw they have it and I don't. You probablt notice you don't compare or get jealous about things you do 't care about or don't desire to experience yourself. All this to say the emotions that come up are there to showcase what it is you want and then often times an inner critic will start talking in your mind as a way to motivate you but it doesn't. Something you can do to reframe in the moment is to ask yourself, is that something I want and if it is notice if you speak negatively to yourself about being able to get it...if you do..there is your mental block. If it would serve you, I'd be willing to create comolimentary space to hold you through an experiential process to see how you can get relief and change your experience. If that would serve just DM me.
Thank you for the perspective and the offer to talk!
I disagree with some of the comments here. I think comparison helps to realize where you are at, it’s like a slap in the face saying: “wake up”! Where are you now and where do you want to be? During my 20’s, my friends were working for their dreams: studying, starting business that failed but started again, connecting with mentors, volunteering, etc, while I was partying and giving all my attention to bad toxic partners, now we are in the 30’s - 40’s and while they have their financial life pretty much done and stable, I’m just starting to put mine together. Anyway, that time will not come back, but I regret my decisions of the past. Instead of seeing people success as something negative for you, you can see it as a plan of action and inspiration of start moving in different direction. Maybe you have not got out of your comfort zone and make an extra effort to achieve what you want
Yeah I feel combine it with social media reduction and Action.
Get rid of folks who make you feel down.