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I find everything my husband does annoying. We’ve been together 6 years and married for 2.5 of the 6. Is this normal?

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Are you guys together all the time? Like both WFH in close quarters?


Hmm, that's really hard. Since you've already done a trip, can you make a change with work like go into the office, work from a coffee shop, work from a friend's place to get consistent time away? My husband and I have both been at home for about 4 years, but always had at least one spare room (not the bedroom), so we had separation during the day, and I really think that's been key for us to not get on each other's nerves.


…no that’s not normal. How long have you felt this way?


A few months

Have you considered therapy as an outlet for this and a way to organize your thoughts/see big picture?


Not married and probably not able to imagine how it feels, however I have noticed every time I spend too much time with someone (WFH for several weeks in the same apartment, long vacation with friends), I start noticing everything I don’t like about them / what they do. Even the small things start to annoy me, like how they load the dishwasher or how they put things in the fridge without a lid on, etc… all tiny tiny things that end up driving me crazy. In those moments I would also forget everything I love about them and I would fail to notice things they do to make me happy. Given current state of things, I imagine it’s the constant proximity that is exacerbating all these tiny things and now you can’t help but notice all of them. I would say time apart is probably the answer, starting to feel like you miss each other again, weighing things and thinking about what are things that you can live with vs things you truly can’t stand, and communicating them when you feel less irritated


Like what everything? Is he leaving trash behind? The way he eats? He snores? He farts? He leaves the kitchen a mess? Need some additional detail here


Pretty much

I was feeling this way and therapy helped me a LOT. The best $85/hr I’ve ever spent.


Did they give you coping mechanisms or how did therapy help?

Ok to find some things annoying (my husband chews loudly). Not a good sign to find everything annoying.


When something annoys you, are you communicating it to him?

No all the time. I feel like that would be annoying. Just when I can’t stand it anymore


I say some level of annoyance with a person is pretty typical, especially if you’re spending a lot more time together than usual due to COVID. However, it’s not something you want to let fester! My partner and I do regular relationship check ins and have found it to be really helpful for getting through those patches. Here’s an example: https://twodrifters.us/blog/relationship-check-in.html#Relationship_Check-In_Questions

This happens, you need to remember what you appreciate about him as often as you’re annoyed by him and ask yourself what’s more important.

This is normal. I remember my sister said in yr 2 you realize you can’t get away. I got married after her and def had the same thing in yr 2. I figured out what I couldn’t stand and corrected and let the rest slide. We are all good now - 9 yrs married. Good luck!

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