I find it challenging working with women (americans and indians). They seem to be ‘soft’ or emotional, one ‘wrong’ word you say to them they’ll twist and say bad things. What’s a better approach instead of ‘telling’ them what and how to do a thing they have not done before

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Get counseling OP. You’ll be better equipped to work with others regardless of their background.

likefunny

I’m an Indian American woman. I wonder if OP even considered people like me exist in his myopic worldview. 😂

likefunny

Let's be clear OP. This is very much a YOU problem, not a them problem. I am so grossed out right now.

likefunny

Wonderful. Racist and Sexist.

I agree with the suggestion above to get counseling.

likefunny

Even though there may be good intentions to use heuristics to address different social cultures, gender, etc.

It often creates or is influenced by unconscious bias that isnt good for all parties. In some some cases it creates unfairness, other cases could create harmful social environments.

It's so hard because of the black and white thinking we grew up with or were instilled in us passed down from generations of bias.

On the individual level confirmation bias could be at play here.

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Let me try. First of all, is English your first language? If not, you should preface every meeting with: “hello, English is not my first language. Please excuse me if I accidentally say something you find strange. Please send me a correction after the meeting, I am eager to improve.” This will buy you a little breathing room. Heck, even if it’s not, say it. Or say you have been diagnosed with autism spectrum. You very well may be, if you have these issues. Go see a doctor.

Secondly, do not use any words or phrases or examples that are metaphors or similes. Use technical, mathematical, or physics and chemistry terms instead. No biology. For example, you might think you are being clever when you say, “a boolean is like whether you are pregnant or not.” If you cannot ‘read the room’ you may be in for trouble.

Thirdly, in a management or feedback-giving context, write down all expectations, KPI, etc. and display on a screen when you are attempting feedback. This way, even if you lack the ability to communicate them nicely, you can at least stick to the point. Or say the minimum and just ask for clarifying questions. Write back up slides for anticipated questions.

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Hey let’s not beat up OP for something he/she is seeking help on.

OP I’m not sure what level you are, and that info may help us provide you more tactical advice. Is this specific to you working for them, with them, or do they work on your teams? I’m also curious to know if you find this challenge with non-Asians, and how much exposure you’ve had to working on projects with women team members?

likefunny

Op is putting his short comings on other people. So no, he’s not seeking help. He’s looking for damage control

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I think you will have to learn to collaborate, work for, manage and “deal” with all sorts of difficult people your whole career. Instead of generalizing one group, think about upleveling your eQ and ability to handle multiple groups and introspectively determine if you need to work on your own internal mindset shift in order to be successful.

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The problem is you, OP. I've found American and Indian women hardworking and determined.

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Tell me more about these “wrong” words you’ve used.

I have a suspicion that those words might actually be wrong and it isn’t just others “twisting” your words

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Ok.. now that we’ve all shamed the OP, let’s help him a lil bit. Btw OP just you asking this question means you want to work on this.
Maybe introspect a little like several others have said and reach out to those women and gather feedback - be honest about your blind spots and ask them what you can do to overcome this issue.
In the future, maybe have a 1:1 prior to staring a project and ask them about their working style. Some like to be told how to do something briefly and some just want to know what to do. It all depends on the individual.
Good luck!! 🤞

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OP, this sounds like you have a problem. Not the people you work with. I would suggest you seek out further training.

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OP, my first reaction to reading your post was white-hot rage but after I cooled off I realised that this is something I can see my mother saying. She is East Asian but raised me in a western culture and was constantly telling me I was too sensitive and took things personally (even when she was calling me fat but that's a story for another day)

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, it sounds like what you're experiencing is a mix of culture clash combined with some unconscious bias against women (I note your use of "soft" and "emotional" as negative terms; newsflash - every single human has emotions, even you).

Next time you have a conversation that you feel goes badly, talk directly to the people involved to ask what you may have said that was offensive. I also think counselling or therapy would be a great option.

You need to work on understanding where other people (all people - not just women, not just certain ethnic groups) are coming from. If you work on this now you'll have a better chance at a successful and fulfilling career because you'll be able to work with all kinds of people.

Good luck.

- A Woman

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Am I the only one who empathizes with OP? OP is trying to be more effective in his job. We all have short comings and blind spots.

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There’s an irony in trying to empathize with an individual who is clumping up people based off of one or two attributes.

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Lol wow OP… shame… hope the responses on here give you a moment of real introspection here

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Oh wow, I think someone skipped his company training

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That's also true 😂

And you have this problem with Americans and Indians only, not East Asians or any other people?

I think it’s too much generalization. I personally believe gender/race/nationality has nothing to do with it.

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If you are referring to the snowflake and the “feels” culture, unfortunately you have to be cautious and diplomatic on what you say. Delivering feedback is pretty straightforward and straight from the handbook, but in this case, deliver it incorporating your own experiences to make it more sensible to the touch. No one can cancel you if you want others to succeed via constructive feedback. If they still complain, they are in the wrong business. Nonetheless, this is reality and only you can adapt and overcome in order to succeed.

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