I find myself at the verge of losing it. I have a live in boyfriend who has been unemployed for a year and a half. I have a stressful job so I slack off on cleaning on the weekdays but do try my best to clean and tidy up on the weekends. He constantly complains about the apt being dirty but doesn’t lift a finger to help even though he watches TV 3-4 hours a day. He claims he cleans up after himself and shouldn’t have to clean my messes. He also doesn’t cook and waits for me to make dinner.

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I’m gonna need pics to see how hot this guy is. I can’t imagine any other reason for you allowing him there.

likefunnysmart

Valid point

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I was this man when I was younger, and he’s almost certainly depressed and has low self worth due to being unemployed for so long. I was on unemployment for almost two years and living with my then gf.

The way I snapped out of it was losing her. She finally had enough and dumped me, which shocked me out of my funk.

We never reconciled sadly, but it was absolutely a turning point in my life and we are both overall better for it.

likesmarthelpful

Amazing story MC2! I love that you are thriving man!

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Male here. This “man” is a loser. Run and don’t look back.

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As a counterpoint, I work full-time, make 400k+, wife works part-time, and I'm still a dad first, husband next before my job. That means cooking, cleaning, waking with kids, diapers, whatever.

You're dating a loser.

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400k?!!? Are you hiring? lol

likefunny

I'm a guy, and your BF is a deadbeat. Tell him to get a job and contribute or show him the door

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True man child. Dump him. It’ll only get worst from here.

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I read this to my husband. He was stunned into silence.

likefunny

Coming from a male myself, your BF sounds like a bum and immature. Kick him to the curb, get yourself a real man.

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Why do you need male perspectives? Are you a pick-me? You're not, queen! He picked you, but he isn't up to par. Break up with him go get picked by someone else who deserves and reciprocates your love and effort!

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likesmart

I have met men like him. They never change, so he prepared to accept the long haul reality if you stay with him and say have children. You will NEVER, EVER have a moment to yourself for nearly two decades. You will be expected to take care of the child 24/7. So that means you get to stay up all night with a colicky baby/sick child, do ALL the “womens” work at the house and maintain your job. If he “lets” you stay home with the baby you will likely be on a very tight financial leash. You won’t have the luxury of going out for dinner with your girlfriends because who will babysit?? How about when you need some self care? What if you get sick? How about seriously hurt or ill like cancer??? You think he’s going to watch the kid? Surely not him, if he can’t help around the house, then taking care of kids and/or you is definitely not his field of responsibility.
Even if you don’t plan to get married or have kids, why would you want to be with someone who is 100% NOT your partner! You can do better.

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☝️☝️👏👏

From my experience, this is very accurate. He’s got to go.

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I’m posting here because I’d love to hear male perspectives. Is there something that I’m missing from his POV?

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Straight. To. The. Curb. You deserve better. It is hard finding someone and the devil you know… I have lived that life. You will be happier in the long run, I swear.

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He sounds like a cuck. Drop him.

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Good point.

Imagine thinking it was normal to be sitting on the couch watching TV all day until your girl showed up to cook, clean, and hopefully give you a bit of sexy time? 😵‍💫

This “man” has no respect for OP.

likefunny

He is a loser. Dump him.
However same is applicable to anyone when reversing genders.
If you do not bring money to the table, your job is the house. However, in a modern world, i dont conceive someone allowing their partner to not work, male, female or whatever in the middle.

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Exactly! The reality is you have to run your relationship like a business. If there are two co-founders and one is driving all the company revenue growth while making sure operations are running smoothly while the other one is sitting at the desk with their feet up all day but benefiting from all the other’s hard work while simultaneously refusing to do any work….well, the board of directors would be giving the unworking cofounder the boot rather than letting him draw a salary and freeload.

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You're living with someone that's been unemployed for 18 months and he's focused on only cleaning up after himself. He doesn't think about dust, or dirt that comes in of shoes... or whatever. He is shortsighted, lacking in logic, and focused only on himself by his own admission. This is also probably partly why he's unemployed. He's not a team player. So you already answered your own question --- youre missing the fact you've been his doormat all this time. Pick yourself up and move out and on to better. Tell him thanks for the lesson, you're now also out for number 1.

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Run.like.fire.

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Dump him sis.

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Seems like you are living with a man child

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He’s probably depressed. Depression in men often looks like anger and entitlement. This is not a call for you to rescue him. It’s so that you can understand what you’re dealing with.

And you may also need to know that men do not respond to unsolicited help when they are depressed other than with more anger and entitlement.

Your best move at this point is to ask him to move out of the apartment.

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Some background: he is actively looking and has a few decent prospects. My issue isn’t with his unemployment, I have been through it as well and he supported me through months of hell. And during that time, I cleaned, cooked, and did whatever I could to contribute. My disappointment is with his lack of empathy - he sees me on back to back calls, with barely enough time to squeeze in a meal, but he can’t help fold the laundry or do the grocery shopping. When I ask for help, he point blank refuses. He does take the trash out, grill, fixes things around the apt and walk the dog. But anything he perceives to be my “responsibilities” he won’t help with. We went to therapy and he told the therapist he believes he does pull the same weight as me, just in different ways. I’m trying so hard to give him grace because unemployment is demotivating and painful but I find myself so resentful of him. That’s why I’m trying to understand if there’s something that I missing from his POv

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These folks aren’t married

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