{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I fucking hate the expectation that \"men must provide\" or \"women must act a certain way\". That's damaging to a lot of relationships. I love division of labor and working with each other's strengths and weaknesses without so much emphasis on gender roles. I'm a big supporter of utilitarian relationship that strives for the good of the partnership and each party.", "post_id": "619bc405b482c7002d8c0d4a", "reply_count": 12, "vote_count": 16, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

I fucking hate the expectation that "men must provide" or "women must act a certain way". That's damaging to a lot of relationships. I love division of labor and working with each other's strengths and weaknesses without so much emphasis on gender roles. I'm a big supporter of utilitarian relationship that strives for the good of the partnership and each party.

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Amen! 🙏

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I think the most important things is work together as a team because at the end of the day in order for the relationship to work you need to be a team player. There will be days that you will do more work then your partner and then other day that your partner will do more work. This is what happens when you are in a relationships and want it to work.

Exactly

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Wrench in the works. What happens if you are expected to be the primary provider. Do you then divide the remaining labor equally? Asking for a friend.

I think that is where there is breakdown in what society expects and what works for your relationship. If you and your partner agree that one person needs to be the primary provider and the other needs to stay at home, I hope you are also talking about how household chores will be divided. This is my take on it. Without kids: If there is one primary provider aka single income household (one pulls an income and the other doesn't). The one without a job, and without physical ailments, should take on 75% of the household chores and the one working should help with the other 25%. Marriage or cohab relationship won't be a 50% 50% split. Chores would happen based on season sometimes outside of the dedicated chores agreed upon. With kids: Single income household. The stay at home spouse should be responsible for household chores during the day. Person working should relieve the stay at home spouse after work for several hours, help each other with bed time routine. And agree on weekend work which won't be 50% 50% split but should be equitable. All of this won't work without healthy, honest communication and regular check in with your spouse as season changes.

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My dream is becoming a stay at home dad.

I agree with this statement. I believe a true partnership should be about what both parties can bring to the table to better each other. I was in a marriage where my wife did take care of the kids but I was the sole provider financially. We struggled for a while. The kids are grown up and I am still the sole provider only now I have had enough and separated. Currently, I only take home 27% of my gross income so she can survive. If I get into another serious relationship it will be with someone who has drive and ambition. Someone who will add to my abilities and strengths as you said. Someone who will support me as much as I will support them.

I'm sorry you went through that. I hope you find your person.

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