{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I got a job offer at Apple and I’m so conflicted. I nor my boyfriend are just thrilled to live in California, but this opportunity is incredible. He is not willing to move with me or be long distance so I’d be in a position to where this could not only impact my relationship but I could also miss out on a job opportunity of a lifetime. Any advice? I am feeling like I’m picking between my career and relationship. It sucks. For context, we’ve been together 2 years and live together.", "post_id": "61e8d41e8ad5b7002db7de33", "reply_count": 68, "vote_count": 10, "bowl_id": "58f82c12c1ca28001625de38", "bowl_name": "Female Bosses", "feed_type": "bowl" }

I got a job offer at Apple and I’m so conflicted. I nor my boyfriend are just thrilled to live in California, but this opportunity is incredible. He is not willing to move with me or be long distance so I’d be in a position to where this could not only impact my relationship but I could also miss out on a job opportunity of a lifetime. Any advice? I am feeling like I’m picking between my career and relationship. It sucks. For context, we’ve been together 2 years and live together.

likefunny
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Sheryl Sandberg said that the single most important career decision a woman makes is who she marries. I 100% believe this. My husband has an equally demanding career, but we are partners. When I had my baby and was a little depressed and out of a job, he not only worked full time but also cleaned the kitchen every night even after my baby went to daycare and I did nothing. He helped convince me that I wasn’t a bad mom if I wanted to work again, and moved to CA with me without knowing what would happen with his career. He makes me better, we are a team and I support him as much as he supports me. We both got promotions, cheered each other on, celebrated one another and now that we work from home bc of the pandemic—-I hear him bragging or mentioning me to his coworkers or bosses all the time. We’ve been married for 10 years, and he is my rock. Take the job. If he clips your wings now, he will continue to do so if you marry him. Soar and find someone who encourages your growth. Who knows, you may find that partner at Apple.

likeupliftingsmarthelpful

This comment is incredibly inspiring to me. Thank you for sharing.

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I moved overseas for my bf (now husband) ‘s new job, thinking we’d move back home after 2years. That was 10 years ago, we now have traveled the world, and are happily living in our 3rd continent. I am sharing this to say, sometimes changes/moves seem scary, and it is normal to think we won't like that place if we already have an idea of the potential lifestyle- but little do we know until we truly live there. There’s a good chance of minds changing. Most importantly, if the move opens a new door for life, that you might never want to go back to what you’d planned before. In your case, moving to CA doesn't have to be a permanent thing. If he’s talking about settling down and starting a family with you, can he try CA for a year? And if it eventually, very, unfortunately, didn't work for him, then move to somewhere else more suitable. There’s no loss apart from the 1 year. In fact, it doesn't even lose the 1 year. You could start trying and have your baby born in a city you all love, while having Apple on your resume and gaining experience o living in CA. Take him with you! Good luck.

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Take the job.

likehelpful

Update… we’re doing better today. I think it was initial shock. He’s open to moving but doesn’t love the idea. However…. All of these comments are super helpful. I appreciate you guys. Just feeling excited but anxious at the same time.

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I can mail you some! Haha i have 2 feet now in my driveway lol

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I don’t believe in any job of a lifetime. You got this offer now and you’ll be able to get another one down the line. Tech isn’t going anywhere. That said, you started interviewing for this position for a reason. What was that? What motivated you to look for a new role to begin with? Have you tried negotiating a remote position? Is your salary sufficient to help offset the higher cost of living? Is your boyfriend’s job transferable or would he also need a new position? Have you asked him if he’d consider a move for a few years? If your positions were switched, would he respond in the same way? I’ve been in your position. Both my husband and I have moved for each other at different times. It isn’t easy. One honest point of advice: don’t make any major life decisions for a partner unless you are engaged. I don’t mean to be rude and I don’t know your situation, but I’ve seen people move or turn down a job for a partner and then break up. It isn’t worth it unless you have a secure commitment.

likesmart

I would take the job - he's set this up as an ultimatum, and if he's willing to do that now (when you have flexibility in remote work location to start, doing long distance for a bit, possibly turning this into full time remote or a similar great position you can be in where you don't have to live in/start in CA), what will he do when things aren't going his way with any other important decision? I wouldn't want to live my life under the threat of, we're going to break up/divorce if you don't do what I want.

likesmart

Came here to say this.

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You think it’s fair that he is making you choose between him and your career? He’s already made his choice. He’s not doing anything that inconveniences him (moving or long distance) so that you can be happy so why would you bend over backwards to accommodate for him? I know you love him but just looking at it factually this is the true question you need to ask yourself. Also I have done this. I gave up a program manager position at Tesla to be with my SO and it did not pan out. Plus I was very bitter towards him even though the choice was one I made.

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This post exploded so I thought I’d make an update. I’ve been going back and forth negotiating my offer. Boyfriend is onboard to move and has mixed feelings since he has to sell his house, leave all his friends, and we’d be farther from family. Both of our families live in the south (he’s from Ohio originally) and before this we were planning to relocate to Florida so we could be closer when we had kids/marriage etc. His parents are in their 70s, mine are in their 50s so you can see how this is more impactful. I relocated from the south to Ohio years ago so for me this is easy, as I’m already no where near family. I can make friends with anyone. However, we are fine for now. Should have a decision ironed out by the end of the week but if the offer falls where I need it to (which it likely will) I’ll be remote until they go back into the office in which we will be moving. Let me also say, this is important to me. I’m a first generation college grad, no one in my family has ever left the south. I didn’t go to a fancy school, did terrible on my college entry exams. This is just a huge accomplishment to even interview.

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Ah yes, that does make sense. Go and chase your dreams, I’m hoping that it all works out for you both. 🥰

Sounds like he wants to break up and this is his out. He’s firm on not wanting to move with you AND not wanting to do long distance?? Like??

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Take the job. It’s not only the job that will create amazing possibilities for you. Someone else is going to see that and want to hitch their ride to you!Congrats and Godspeed!

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I was in this position, took the job. We broke up 3 months later. Ten years later still with the company, found a supportive husband along the way

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Take the job.

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Make the right choice for yourself in focus. You can't control how others react to your actions. P.S. The right one will support you for the great things in life.

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If see if Apple would allow to make it a remote position first but even if they don’t, I’d rethink a relationship if my partner is not willing to make things work with me. He is not even considering long distance or maybe searching to see if he can find a job near you and basically gave an ultimatum. What else is he not willing to budge if it’s not his way?

likesmart

13 years ago my husband got a career opportunity in CA Bay area on biotechnology. We lived in South Africa and had never set foot in the USA. It was hard for me initially to think about leaving everything and my career as a Snr Media Planner at Initiative. But I decided it's not a prison sentence and it was such a great opportunity for my husband. The first year was tough and eventually after 4 years we realized that we didn't want to leave because of the community and all that there's to offer here. Once you have school aged kids it's very hard to leave but if you don't have kids to consider right now then I will share with you what my creative director at the agency in South Africa said that changed my feelings about the opportunity..... GO! BE GREAT!

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Take the job. Rule #1: be with someone who wants to be with you. If he really wanted this to work, he’d support you and work with you. Cut your losses now and build a life for yourself. Someone who sees your worth will find their way to you. Congrats on the job!!

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Take the job. You may likely resent your bf or decision later. Unless you feel this man is the one and nothing else matters, I'd take the opportunity of a lifetime.

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How long have you been together? Why is he not willing to move?

likesmart

Long distance just delays break up or someone compromising. It’s a fudge.

Ultimately, whatever you do has to be what YOU want to do. If you were to decide to stay for him, you may find yourself resenting him for holding you back from this opportunity. If you decide to go, you have to be prepared for the possibility that he may decide not to go with you. You are the only person you have to live with you for your entire life.

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I’d love to know if there was any update to this?

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Posting from the top side.

Beyond 2 lines the text in each post card is cut off. I wonder how many lines in the comment section?

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