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Hey op. I got pregnant unexpectedly at 28 and wasn’t planning on having kids for at least 5 more years.
First off, I want to mention that if you don’t want to have the kid because it’s not right for you right now (or ever), you have options and choices.
I didn’t feel ready at all, and was constantly worried I was going to miss out on life and also be a bad mother. Pregnancy was very very difficult for me, but now that he’s here my life is completely different. My partner and I were talking last night about how 2 years ago if you asked about life, we would have wanted to be going on international vacations but now our perspectives have changed and we love playing with our kid. I am happy to chat more with you if you have any questions or anything.
I realize everyone has a different experience with kids and pregnancy, so your experience may be very different from mine and that’s ok but I just wanted to share how it was for me.
I’ll say this. It’s never the right time. Personally. Professionally. I’m not as young as you but I kept waiting and waiting. Now I can’t. I don’t have many regrets in my life- I’ve lived a great life. But I do wonder what could have been it I thought it was the “right time.”
Honestly, I’m pregnant with a planned baby and STILL had strong feelings of anxiety at the beginning. This is a huge life change and even having mentally prepared for it, it was hard when it became real.
Take some time to think through your feelings and figure out what’s the right answer for you. Please don’t feel guilty for being unsure and confused—this is a huge life change and it merits a lot of thought and consideration. Sending lots of support and happy to chat if you want to DM me.
Thanks you both..i started coming to terms with it slowly, my husband is excited so that helps a lot. Yes, definitely the self doubt and thoughts about how my body is going to change permanently.
A lot to process in general...
Pro
If you aren't ready, adoption and abortion are completely normal options that people close to me have chosen for various reasons.
D1. How is it not an amazing gift to help another family who badly wants a child adopt and love your baby if you are not ready to care for it. I believe we all have all of these options and it’s very personal...but the idea of giving up a child for adoption has got to be one of the most loving and unselfish things a woman can do
I was older. And also surprised. And my little guy changed everything and he’s amazing. :).
Thank you all the support! I love the different perspectives and also felt comfort knowing everyone is never truly ready!
We are going to keep it - For background, we are currently married and have been together for 10+ years (high school sweetheart) so i know we are ready from that perspective.
Now, its time for me to get on Hulu and watch “What to expect when you’re expecting” :)
Congratulations! I’ll also add that I cared about my baby when I was pregnant, but I didn’t feel that amazing “moment” when my daughter was born. It was a slow build for me and that’s fine too. You’ll do great. ❤️
Conversation Starter
Congratulations! You have a great job, you are married or in a long term relationship based on your reference to “we”. You are also 27. Plenty of people with a lot worse circumstances have kids and do their best.
If you are waiting to feel ready, I second others above that mentioned that even planned pregnancies won’t make you feel ready. Feelings are temporary and not reliable. Even more so with your pregnancy hormones. Hope you don’t listen to some of the above posters and make an irreversible decision based on fleeting feelings.
What helped me (leaving a husband turned abuser amid pregnancy not knowing if / when he will harm me) get through the anxious feelings was looking at the fertility clinic that was on my daily commute to the gym. I just knew that I am blessed with the pregnancy, and will do whatever it takes to provide a good life for this baby. My baby is almost 1 now and I actually can’t believe how cute he is and how much I love him.
Just to add another perspective: I am 34 and going through IVF after months and months of trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant. I was talking to a friend in a similar situation and we agreed that we WISH we had gotten pregnant unexpectedly in our 20’s. The surprise and serendipity! How exciting! Of course, the grass is always greener, but I’d sure love to be in your position rather than on this slog through unending failure.
Chief
I’m pregnant with #2 and it was a completely planned pregnancy. I bawled the first few weeks because I was so nervous, unsure and upset. Hormones are crazy things and pregnancy is a big life change. It’s normal to have a lot of different feelings at first, regardless of if it was planned or unplanned. Give yourself a few days/weeks to process. No one is ever ready to be a mom, but you might decide this is the right time for you.
Hey OP, I’m 33 weeks pregnant at 37 years old with a very-much wanted baby. We never thought it would happen after five years of trying. When it did, I had the exact same thoughts as you. It’s 100% normal to feel anxious, scared, regretful, and to wonder if you should end it. Truly, it’s alllllll normal.
What you do is your choice, but just make sure you make the right choice for you. Keep it, adoption, or abortion - you have choices and whichever you pick is the right one for you. Just know you aren’t alone in these thoughts. Every single woman I know that’s had kids, wanted or unwanted, we all had the same thoughts. And agreed with above posters there is never a “right time.” I’m hitting late 30’s and wondered if it was too soon still to have one! 😀
Sending you hugs of support. Keep us updated. If you decide to keep it, congratulations! If you don’t, we’re here for you. ❤️
I completely understand how you feel but since I’m sure you haven’t told many people and you’ve entrusted us, let me start by saying congratulations! I know it’s not entirely celebratory for all the reasons you mentioned but it is still quite beautiful and exciting.  I know you’ll make the right decision for what’s right in your life. And I really hope the best for whatever decision and path you go down. You have a support system with us and hopefully elsewhere in your life. Take care of yourself. 
I would say have your baby earlier.. you still have the time and energy to take care of the baby.. the older you are, yes you may be stabler but you also have a lot more responsibility. You are young and have the energy to take on multiple tasks. I wish I had my baby younger so I could do more.. and it’s true you can never be ready for a baby, a lot of the change hits you as you are going through it, but it’s a good change.
Not all relationships are created equally and yes it should matter how well you know your partner not how long. At the end of the day the fact is that she is pregnant.. and at that point I’m advising per that fact. I’m all for pro-choice and support it whole heartily but the question was if they should have a baby now vs later.
Chief
I got surprise pregnant with my then boyfriend of one year when I was 27 and he was 24.... it was massively stressful but eventually just became nothing but exciting. We had discussed having kids later, so we figured we just moved up our timelines. It’s been amazing. We are lower in our careers so we have more flexibility for being home, not working after bedtime, less stress/responsibility at work. We are young and can’t imagine being a older parents. We still get to do a lot of outings.... we have to make the effort but we go out a lot still. Some with the kid, some without. Our parents are younger and can do more with the kid too & can take him some nights.
By the middle of the pregnancy it was all excitement & regular “becoming parents” nerves.
I am pregnant with our second (planned this round) and I go back and forth between thinking this baby is going to ruin our lives and also bring us so much extra joy..... it’s totally normal!!! You are never truly “ready”. No guilt needed!
Your feelings are completely valid. Having a baby and raising a child are MAJOR endeavors. If you choose to continue with the pregnancy and raise a baby, you'll try to prepare yourself the best that you can. If you don't feel ready and don't want to continue with the pregnancy, I hope you feel like that's ok too (don't know your beliefs, so don't want to assume).
Chief
OP, you have options if you don’t think you are (somewhat) mentally and financially ready for pregnancy, labor & delivery, postpartum, and finally raising an actual human. You also have time to think about it, you are only a couple of weeks pregnant
You can work through the guilt with the support of your loved ones and a therapist
Even with a planned pregnancy, you definitely have those feelings. It comes and goes, one day you are super excited and can’t wait to meet baby and the next day you’re freaking out cos you can barely keep yourself alive let alone another human fully dependent on you. Think about how you felt your first day of work as an intern/ associate fresh out of college vs now. The anxiety gets better and the confidence will come
Hi OP! My husband and I were actively trying when I conceived and I still had all those same thoughts. I had a full blown anxiety attack thinking about how my disposable income was shot with the cost of daycare. They would come and go during the entire pregnancy. I still worry about not being enough and the baby is here. I think all of those thoughts are normal and what helped me was to talk to those near and dear to me about it. The more I talked about it, the more I learned that all of my mom friends think about this stuff. No one is ever ready for something they’ve never done. People make it work with far less than others. In the end, you may surprise yourself. For example- my biggest worry is that i wouldn’t know how to be a loving mom. I didn’t have a great one and I didn’t learn anything from her that I wanted to carry over. Got myself really worked up about it. The baby came and loving her, being patient, all of that - it just happened and it felt natural.
Pro
You will never be ready! I felt like you at 37 ;)
When I got pregnant I was officially trying and it happened literally on our first try - I was in shock is happened so quickly after watching multiple friends take a while or have to do IVF. I definitely had some panicky - I don’t know if I’m ready for this - moments. But it quickly subsided and I was excited after that and felt blessed I was able to get pregnant so quickly.
Yes my experience also! First month and the deal was sealed !
Rising Star
You’ve got 9 months to “get ready” if you want to keep the baby. Take it day by day, the excitement will come.
Totally normal to feel that way - no reason to feel guilty. You will never feel totally ready either - I had the same feelings when I got pregnant with our first, and we had been trying for a while. When the baby comes, you make it work how you want it to.
I wish I could tell you in person that what you are feeling is very common and very normal and that no one is ever 100% ready. It’s a wonderful journey ahead and the first step is accepting that it not perfect but it’s wonderful. Good luck