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You have two options. 1. Swallow it and move on. 2. Confront him and tell him how it made you feel. Create that uncomfortable feeling for him (and you, as well). He probably will do it again, but will think twice before he does.
This is only way we can start to create change. We all must operate with a level of uncomfortableness.
Lots of people saying “don’t ruin someone’s life over a throwaway comment.” Here’s my 2¢:
- Lots of Indian mgrs are culturally very hard on other Indians
- A senior mgr suggesting you “aren’t indian” or “are whitewashed” isn’t just a throwaway, it’s a statement that to him, OP has made a choice that makes them an outsider to the SM
- Besides being offensive, this could easily imply that SM will treat OP different professionally going forward in a negative way
Being a senior leader carries responsibility; you’re paid more to represent your firm and given broad leeway to make decisions which could impact the reputation of said firm. Making ugly comments to junior resources on the basis of protected characteristics like religion shows a lack of maturity and responsibility for the role. I’m only a consultant and even I’ve learned that. There’s accidents or oversights, and there’s being derogatory to other people. One is a mistake, another is a byproduct of arrogance and hatefulness.
Ernst & Young (and it’s precursor firms) is a global brand that has carried respect for almost 2 centuries; being a senior leader there requires more grace and thoughtfulness than the SM has.
OP reporting them likely won’t cause them to be fired - it’s a he said she said on a borderline explainable topic; it WILL be a warning from HR and a good wake up call for said SM, which I think is a reasonable and helpful approach to responding to this.
Pro
I can provide a bit more context. SM is Indian and my dad is Indian and my mom white. We were discussing thanksgiving and I said we didn’t have turkey and had steaks. I then got a lecture on how I was turning my back on my ancestors and pretending to be white because I ate beef. For context my dad was born in Kenya and grew up in London where he met my mom. His family have been in Africa for two generations prior to him so he has no roots or family in India.
Also I’m 100% Indian and out family has eaten beef for generations - Kerala beef is a staple and it’s really good so your SMS view is nuanced and biased
Jeez. Stop being so touchy about every small thing.
I, to an extent, understand what you're trying to say. But for your own sake D2- the world has changed, and racial-type name calling is a sensitive topic and inappropriate.
Think of it like sexual harrassment- it's not what YOU think is acceptable, it's whether it makes the other person uncomfortable or not.. these are literally the rules of the law (uk)
Rising Star
Update: after talking to the SM about it he told me he didn’t care and stands by what he said. I’ve formally complained with my counselor backing me up.
Good for you!
Yeah, I wouldn’t let that slide. I would schedule a meeting with them and sally them very bluntly what did you mean by that and why did you say it?
Pro
Yea I’ll get something figured out ASAP. Beyond that he can F off. I’m starting a new job in January. I was gonna work really hard to transition out of my role but now, no chance. 9-5 for the next couple of weeks
Pro
🎶 it’s beginning to sound a lot like a lawsuit, everywhere I go, because a senior employee, said something racist to me, and now It’s time to atone 🎶
Ruin his life. We need to get rid of these ignorant backwards POS that have managed to scuttle into leadership positions.
Aren’t you arguably more hateful than the original sinner in this case ? The guy is a moron and needs pushback. You don’t ruin a man’s life over ignorance or a throwaway comment. There are real people on the other side of this too.
OMG report that s—t
You guys are being overly sensitive and touchy feely
Those kind of people really hate interracial couples too
What was the context?
It’s really messed up if said in a racial context, but whitewashing can also mean to make something appear more positive than it actually is (like a business report). I feel like someone in an older generation may not know the racial context and may have used the word without realizing.
Yes OP clarified with additional context and I’m now horrified
How does everybody have so much time on calls to just say random crap? I guess I need to get out of this strategy and PE work and live the relaxed life.
While you’re busy strategizing and private equitizing til you drop, we’re absolutely chilling & totally goofing! Come to the cool side 😎
It’s not appropriate and should be reported to management
No SC1 I assume P1 means people who sexually harass, or make repeated comments that are clearly meant in a bad way, OP should have a conversation with SM like an adult, tell him that it made him uncomfortable or that he was offended by the comment, and give him the chance to apologise. SM may not have even realised he was being offensive, he may have seen it as a light hearted joke given that he is also from a similar background. If, after OP has made him aware it offended him, the SM continues to make similar comments, then sure OP should escalate. But give the guy a chance to fix it first!
Rising Star
How ironic, just completed a workplace harassment training. Escalate and report!!
Chief
Indeed
Sorry but why is that so offensive?
Imagine if someone told you that you weren't white enough? Or black enough? Or "Asian" enough simply based on your food choice.
Every thought about not giving a fk?
Life is harder than this
Damn some of y’all are way too easily offended. Just ignore it and move on man
That feels like the incorrect situation to use gaslighting...
To say he’s undermining OPs reality with those two sentences seems like a stretch.
Both their opinions and feelings can be valid. Saying his “response to the world serves as a model for no one” is also invalidating D7’s view, even though there are clearly others on this thread that share that view. Whether OP chooses to take that direction is up to him.
If no one else heard your discussion , escalation won’t do you any good . On the other hand - a 1:1 with the guy where you tell him clearly that you didn’t appreciate it would probably get you an apology
Escalate. If he was close minded enough to say “turning your back on your ancestors” and stuff like that, chances are there is a lot more ignorance than that came from. Having a 1:1 wouldn’t do him much good but if you’re likely to not work with him again, def let HR know. This is not the work culture we what to build at EY, you don’t owe him your dietary justifications.
Pro
What’s whitewashing?
I’m not Indian, but I like Indian food. I don’t call this integration, just enjoying nice food regardless of the origin. If people keep going like that, soon enough they’ll try to forbid Italians for eating pasta. Marco Polo was just a cultural appropriator. He has picked perfectly good noodles, added weird sauces and gave it a different name. I say no one should eat pasta now. Super offensive.