{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I grew up with strict father who doesn’t like getting happy and showing emotions , there are instances I felt this was specifically for women. When I got out of my home around 17 for college I became a very cheerful and excited person for every single thing. I loved myself , enjoy every sunset etc. met my boyfriend who was an introvert but he used to feel so happy seeing me happy for tiny things in life. FF 7 years - married and all I hear is sarcastic comments for my emotions. Contd..", "post_id": "5fe5f918b36c6f00203559d6", "reply_count": 6, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

I grew up with strict father who doesn’t like getting happy and showing emotions , there are instances I felt this was specifically for women. When I got out of my home around 17 for college I became a very cheerful and excited person for every single thing. I loved myself , enjoy every sunset etc. met my boyfriend who was an introvert but he used to feel so happy seeing me happy for tiny things in life. FF 7 years - married and all I hear is sarcastic comments for my emotions. Contd..

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What I have found is that many times the qualities which we are attracted to the most are the same ones which annoy us overtime. Every quality has a positive and negative about it; eg in your case your ability to appreciate and enjoy the small things in life is what attracted your SO and frankly is to be commended but living with it for years and if you truly enjoy the smallest of things could absolutely irritate someone who isn’t like that. Personally, once I came to that realization, I started applying it to my relationships in tow ways: 1 - when I get annoyed to remind myself that the good side of that quality is so much better 2 - to recognize that we all have good and not so good things about us and you have to take in all of it if you truly care about a person. I think my advice would be to maybe have a conversation with your so about this - really talk through it respectfully as a couple. We all need reminders sometimes.

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Thank you much insightful and think that’s true. I will try to have a proper conversation

The same person who loved my cheerfulness and excitement about life started passing sarcastic comments- for example “seriously you want to celebrate the commercialized Christmas where retail stores want you to buy things”, why go on a drive in the cold to see lights, it’s just another day, what’s the point in spending money to decorate a wall etc. now it’s been 8 months in our new house - my entire bed room is plain with white wall and I don’t want to wake up to see Christmas snow or hear music in the morning. I miss being me and feel so unhappy. Is this what growing apart means ?

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Do you think it is about the feelings or... (heard me out) the spending? Sometimes, I feel like a grinch next to my husband, but he knows that I don't like the Christmas crazy spending, so we compromise. The same on our new house, he compares himself sometimes to his retired parents or older couples and we are just starting. So, instead of the 40$ stoking that we liked, we made them. We don't overspend in an already full tree, etc. I also have a new house and it has been a lot of communication to NOT overspend in filling it on the first year... something is going to break and you need savings (not credit cards). I recommend that you have that conversation because it might be this other issue, because I am feeling identified with your husband on your two examples. Money security is generally important to people, especially if there is any background story in his family of overspending or hard times. Is he keeping excels of expenses and getting stress? Is he feeling safe at work? Is the new mortgage payment more than 25% of your salary?

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