I had a client tell me that I have a very feminine body. Am I weird for not feeling offended by this? I am sure he meant nothing by it, as the guy is happily married.

funny
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Offended vs. Inappropriate

You can not be offended by a statement but it can still be completely inappropriate for a setting (ie. a workplace)

likesmarthelpful

That’s fine, I guess I don’t see what’s wrong with “inappropriate for the workplace” when it’s not meant to hurt anyone 🤷‍♀️

From an America, idk if I would be “offended” depending on the context; but no matter what, I would have thought it was inappropriate for the workplace, AND depending on the context, more than likely creeped out and wouldn’t want to spend time with him alone anymore in fear of what else he was comfortable commenting on.

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Next time, just say, “You too!” And see what happens.

funnylike

I actually had my (male) boss tell me once he likes high heels, so I said “and yet I never see you wearing any, why is that?”

funnylike

If both you and your client don't find offensive, why should you feel offensive.... I will personally take that as a compliment haha.

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Well same!

I’ve been told/asked a LOT of things by men in the work place. For me, it boils down to ‘Intention’.
I find it easy to distinguish between positive and negative circumstance (age and culture), motive, and taste.
It sounds like you and the other party have a genuine understanding.
Unfortunately, too many people think in absolute black and white, disregarding context.

likehelpful

Yup, thanks for that, I feel the same way. The black and white line absolutely freaks me out. I am pretty warm and relaxed and I can imagine I can easily cross it at some point and get in trouble if I have a person with black and white mindset in front of me.

Inappropriate AF

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I’m an European too (born and raised until college, been in the States for over a decade now) and think it’s inappropriate af. I’d be creeped out if someone said that to me in a work setting. Also plenty of “happily” married men made passes at me over the years.

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Interesting. I have lived in New York, San Francisco, London, Athens and Nicosia and the level of harassment is: San Francisco (a sad first), Athens (a close second), Nicosia (distant third), New York and then London. In other words, my experience has been the opposite of yours; I feel more respected in Europe than in the US as a woman. Not that this is a competition of any sort; I am sad we are discussing which is the least harassing place to visit. :( My concern is they are all equally sexist and it comes down to when are you visiting them.

OP - what was the context? What was the conversation around this? I have ppl I work with and we share personal info and ppl I don’t. The first group and I have built relationships over time so I understand their intent.

likehelpful

Yes, that’s exactly where I was going actually. It was in a context of a work-friendly relationship we have built and that’s why it didn’t offend me. But had someone overheard that without knowing the background, they’d be ready to burn him on a stake.
Why do people rarely ask about context in this type of situations, but are quick to pass judgment, as if there’s a hard line of inappropriateness at work no one is ever allowed to cross? It just feels so jarring to me, but I do believe it’s a culture thing here.

Was the comment in the context of a bigger conversation where you were discussing each other’s bodies? Did he comment about his own body?
You don’t have to be offended but I wonder why men feel comfortable or that it’s acceptable to comment on a woman’s body in a work setting. And what does “feminine” mean to him- curvy, thin, a style of dress? It sounds like he’s literally stereotyping with his comment.
Unless you’re working on a project in healthcare or fashion or something where you’re talking about body types, it’s out of place.

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It was in the context of a personal conversation at informal work drinks. I don’t recall the details, just the remark and the fact that it didn’t bother me at all.
Then I recently had discussions with people at work and from the stories they shared I realized that they would have felt uncomfortable in my shoes. This is confirmed by the opinions you see here. I am now freaked out that I might come off inappropriate at work myself, because I come from a different environment.

The reason I am asking is that I genuinely fail to understand Americans and the things people find offensive here. Me and my client are both from Europe.

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Had a colleague comment about my eating habits - “you don’t need to diet.. why you are already.. “ and an acquaintance (who is married and now I avoid) say that I don’t need to hit the gym. I just want these men to shut up.

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