Related Posts
"Public Health Lessons Learned From Biases in Coronavirus Mortality Overestimation"
https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/disaster-medicine-and-public-health-preparedness/article/public-health-lessons-learned-from-biases-in-coronavirus-mortality-overestimation/7ACD87D8FD2237285EB667BB28DCC6E9
More Posts
Men who wear shorts in this weather, wha
Additional Posts in Depression/Anxiety Talk
How did you know you needed meds?
New to Fishbowl?
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Op don’t beat yourself up. You made a sensible decision for you and the potential kid. Time will heal it. Also maybe get a therapist who can help you professionally With these feelings?
I think it does. I’ve had two in my lifetime - one when I was 23 and another when I was 37. Looking back I have no regrets and believe to this day I made the right decision. My life would be so very different had I had children.
As much as this is something you chose there’s still a sense of loss. Take time to grieve and allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. Over time it will get better.
I’ve had two. The first one in college, dumb mistake trusting someone else with birth control. Some friends know about it, as well as my husband. The second one was when I was already married, we had just begun trying for kids, but when I saw the test I felt panicked and that I had been rushed into this. Nobody knows about the second one.i have two kids now, my career and financial situation are where they need to be for us to give them the best possible life. I’m not saying it felt great at the time but it was the right decision and I’m glad I live in a country where this is was an option that I knew about and was able to get it done without extra hassle or judgment. Hang on tight, you did what you had to do like so many women before you and I am sure that you are a great mom 💜
Trigger warning: I'm on the other side of this where I was the one night stand, Out of wedlock baby that grew up to a single mother
OP and for all of you who have stepped forward to offer consolation, thank you so much for sharing your stories. It is a deeply emotional and morally challenging decision.
I don't know if this offers any moral consolation to any of you, but there are a lot of times in my life where I wish I never came into this world because growing up in a low-income single mother household and working so hard to become professionally successful, yet seeing despite my efforts I may never catch up to those who grew up in a a two-parent,financially stable household with many advantages granted to them, has seriously tested my will to continue living. I know that comparison is the thief of joy but I think it's a wise decision to not bring a child into this world if you are not financially stable nor have the resources to support that child.
Better the child never knows life rather than live a life of suffering... in my opinion.
Wow - that is profound and deeply honest. Just know you are loved and worthy of love but thanks for sharing this POV.
You’re just fine. You did this for a reason and probably would feel more guilty having a child without being able to give them everything they need. If I hadn’t had my abortion at 21, I would probably be living in a trailer park working a retail job. I don’t think I ever want kids in the first place, and I also just see an early pregnancy as a bunch of cell soup with no real humanity attached, so there was no guilt for me. But even if you do feel guilt, just know that you did the right thing for yourself. 💖
I fully support the opinions and stories here. I’ve had abortions and feel absolutely guilty years later. I feel like I will be punished when I leave this life and currently being punished because I do not have any when I really want kids. I place zero judgment on anyone who has had an abortion but I do regret my decisions. My advice is to share with someone if it’s bothering you. I regret that I didn’t reveal my pregnancy to my mom and had an abortion without support.
I found a podcast on Spotify called the abortion diary. These are the stories of many women who have had abortions at many stages of their lives in various parts of the world. If you haven't talked to anyone about it or if you don't feel comfortable doing so, listen to those stories. Maybe one of them will resonate with you and help you get through those difficult times of guilt. It may never go away, but you'll learn to accept it and respect the decision you made for yourself and you won't have a feeling of shame around it, but you'll think of it as a second door that opened for you so you can do even greater things in your life. Dont ever feel guilty for putting yourself and your dreams/goals first ❤
Hi Op! I’m just here to share another perspective. Like everyone else said, please don’t feel guilty or ashamed, as it is in the past, it will be difficult to move forward. It sounds like this was the best decision for you at this time. I think a therapist or a counselor might be able to help you. I’m a Christian and I do think praying can help you wipe away any guilt or shame you have. Jesus loves you and guilt and shame only comes from the evil in the world. My DMs are open for you if you need to vent or need someone to talk to. You are a very strong woman to go through all the things you have, I promise you will be okay💙
There is healing. Just so you know, I come at this issue as a woman of faith. Please know that you are not less worthy of love and forgiveness (from God and from yourself). I know you look at the pregnancy as a mistake. That is forgivable. I don’t know if you look at the abortion as a mistake, a sin, or what, but that, too is forgivable. We all do things we later feel guilty about. The cool thing is that God does not hold our mistakes against us, even when we as humans can’t let things go. Like I said, I don’t know if you are a woman of faith, but I wanted to give you that perspective. With Him all things are possible, even forgiving ourselves.
I can't speak from the female side of it, however my wife had one relatively early in our relationship, before we got married. I don't know if she still thinks of it, she's never brought it up and I don't feel right asking. It's been 15 years or so, and occasionally I'll think of it. It's not guilt, or shame or anything, just a bit of sadness even though I know that it was the best course of action.
I don't know if you'll ever get over it, or if you'll get to a point of acceptance, I hope you do though.
Check this out. This might help you feel better
https://www.npr.org/2020/06/16/877846258/study-examines-the-lasting-effects-of-having-or-being-denied-an-abortion
I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but please do have faith that the guilt gets better. You have lots of hormones right after that really make it hard, but it gets better once that calms down a bit. Im not sure what kind you had, but I had an early term surgical abortion last year and the pain and cramping was awful for about a week. I think the physical pain and cramping/bleeding also exacerbates the emotional pain.
My situation was so hard at first, but within about 3 months or so I was 100% at peace. I was dating the father (former coworker on my project) which made it a tougher choice and don't have any kids but want them eventually, had just turned 30 so felt I may not have many other chances. He said he would support whatever I decided, but I knew he wasn't ready and didn't feel right about forcing him into fatherhood.
I went through about a month of depression, guilt, regret and anxiety and also anger/resentment with him. It got a lot better within a month when the hormones calmed down.
I think it helps to remember that it was such a hard decision, but that you did what you did for a reason, and try to remember those reasons. Being a single mom is SO HARD already, you are a hero!!! And to bring in another life would be unfair to you, your kid and the baby as well.
I didn't tell ANYONE for about a year, but finally opened up to a few friends and cousins and it helped so much and enabled me to get closure. I encourage you to talk to someone, if there's anyone you trust and can open up to, but also know you may not feel ready and are scared of being judged and thats okay too. I told some people earlier on because I needed emotional support, but fibbed and said it was a miscarriage. It was actually helpful to have their support, even though they didnt know the full story.
Its so hard going through it by yourself, even though i was dating the father he was really not very emotionally supportive at all, i went to the clinic to do it by myself and was alone in a hotel room the week after due to work travel. I felt like I was "bugging" him to even talk about it and ended up needing to talk to someone, so talked to my family but didn't tell them the full story.
Know that you are going to feel crazy and maybe not ok for a bit, but try to remember a lot of it is hormones and stress, and that you'll eventually be okay.
Seek a support group. I think that might help but feelings are complicated and relative. I think you should allow yourself to grieve and feel what you need to feel
The guilt will go away- a child won't. You made the right decision for your situation.
It’s really hard at the time and maybe on the day you did it as it will come up. But you think of it less and less, and mainly when someone talks about the right to have an abortion. You realize all the people protesting have no efin clue how hard this decision is.
A fetus is not a living being. U did the right thing for you and the child that would have been born
How can something be a living being before it is born? It is scientifically paradoxical. Having organs doesn’t mean anything. U hv to be born to be called living